One of my favorite comedians Chris Rock gives very comedic insight into relationships especially the role of the "platonic friend". Although he can be a bit crude I think he has a valid point, given some recent events that I have been privvy to. Chris Rock basically breaks it down saying that a lot of women have platonic male friends in their life who they spend a lot time with, sometimes flirt with generally treat like another woman (yeah right). A woman will down play this guy's importance to her boyfriend and tells him that he is just like her girlfriend, Pam.(although there are exceptions, it is very difficult for men and women to be platonic friends unless there are clear boundaries. See I'm not saying impossible I'm just saying that unless you now where you stand it can get messy) But the "platonic" guy friends know the truth and they are usually just biding their time until the boyfriend messes up then it goes a little something like this:
Girl: (sobbing) I can't believe Kenneth would act like this. I can't believe what he said to me, can you?
Platonic Friend: (thinking: Yeah I can, and btw thanks Ken for acting like a jerk) No, I can't. You're so wonderful how could a guy treat you like that. I know I never would.
Girl: That's why you are so awesome. You are so in tune to my needs, unlike Ken. It's just that we've been together so long I know it's probably just stress and he'll get over it.
Platonic friend: (thinking: I hope not) Maybe. Are you happy right now? I mean look at how things are going. You should be taking better care of yourself...
(And you can take out the sobbing, replace girl with guy and trust me the situation would pretty much be the same just flipped)
And you can figure out where that conversation is going. See platonic friend is too smart. He will never actually bad mouth Ken, but he knows Ken is making fatal errors and he isn't about to say anything that is going to help Ken out.
I have a friend who recently has been put into the position of "platonic friend". He wasn't thinking about Keisha, at least not in that way. I mean Keisha is a great girl and all but she has been dating Robert for a while and my friend realized that things weren't going to happen so... Just chill out and have a good time. Keisha's good company no problem right? Then Rob started acting like a fool and Keisha and my friend started spending more and more time together. I think we've all been in this situation before. Whether we were Keisha, Rob, or my friend. Where a relationship isn't going that well and you realize that there are actually other people out there who treat you with respect and diginity. Are sensitive to your needs and actually cares about the things you care about, unlike your signifcant other. Which isn't a bad thing. If you are in a realtionship where you aren't being treated well then maybe it's time to get out. Not because you should be with a particular someone else, but just because you shouldn't have to put up with that. The only downside to the platonic friend in this scenario is that sometimes the situation doesn't go like it does above. Girl doesn't break up with boyfriend and end up with platonic friend. Unlike Rock's scenario even though the girl starts to see the platonic friend in a different light she doesn't break up with the boyfriend. That goes a little something like this:
Girl: I love spending time with you and I really like you a lot, but Ken needs me right now.
Platonic Friend: (thinking: no he doesn't, he needs to be shot) Well what does that mean, that you aren't interested in me?
Girl: No that's not it. It's just that, it isn't a good time for Ken and I to break up.
Platonic Friend:(thinking: yeah you should have broken up 5 months ago) I see, so then where does that leave us? Just buds hanging out...
Then you can end up in what I like to call the Matt/Kelly scenario. Kelly is dating Chris. Chris is a total jerk. (and no, not all women like jerks). So Kelly starts hanging out with Matt. Has a good time. Does most things boyfriend and girlfriends do. Matt waits for Kelly to break up with Chris. Kelly doesn't. Kelly thinks Chris is misunderstood and just needs her to be there for him. Matt is still watiting for Kelly to break up with Chris. (Maybe not anymore this was a year and a half ago).
So you are faced with a couple choices. Ride Kelly's whip, indefinitely or say hey Kelly since things aren't going anywhere we can't keep chillin' like this. It's too difficult for me to watch you waste your time of Chris. Even if we don't get togther you gotta drop Chris like 3rd period French. Or you can tell Kelly, "Hey, I'm out I don't have time for love triangles, quadrilaterals or tetrahedrons. The only problem is that most of the time you would rather just stay platonic friends so you can at least still see them. It's most annoying and confusing. The truth of the matter is that it's not cool to "ride someone's whip" so if you can get out then get out.
So I guess what I'm saying is. Girls and guys can't be just friends. You can act like you are just friends, but every once in a while a thought will cross one of your minds and either you will get together, stop chillin', mess up another person's relationship or just ignore it. Feel free to share your thoughts.
As always have a good day and enjoy. (If you dare).
I am 50% Left Brain and 50% Right Brain. Interesting...
| You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained |
 Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
16 comments:
Didn't Eric and his wife live thousands of miles away from each other? And now they're married?
Anyway, I think the point Tanika's making is that you a guy and girl can't be good friends and not think about being more. You might dismiss the idea, but you still thought about it. And if you're particularly good friends who get along particularly well, you're likely to think about it more than just once and have to re-dismiss it each time. And the more times that goes down, the more likely that one of those times one of you might not dismiss it. And that's where the drama happens. Or love. You win some you lose some...
And btw, I can't believe you left out the best one, the love dodecahedron. Math geeks are all about those.
As I said in the top of my post Daniel there are exceptions to most rules. Not saying there aren't. And Eric and Audrey lived a couple thousand miles away from each other and even with that distance they have currently been married for almost a year. (They met in Africa, of all places).
And Daniel although you might not want me to put this on the internet. Whether or not it ever crossed your mind being friends with you I have definitely thought of you as more than a friend and of course I had to be like no this isn't going to happen and it didn't matter when you were 300 miles away and it doesn't matter when you're 2500 miles away. I said it crosses one of your minds. It's usually my mind, but whatever I dismiss it because it ain't happening, but that don't mean my brain cells don't go there.
Hey, Africa is a great place to meet girls, it's dangerous though, because it can be too ideal and romantic, then it's back to the real world...ha, didn't think I would post eh,
Zambia-boy
zambia-boy, i request that you not encourage guys to go looking for girls in africa. there are plenty of single girls in america. i should know. but you definitely made me want to go more than i already did by saying it is ideal and romantic - i'm a sucker for romantic.
usa-girl
tell it like it is usa-girl
USA-girl, go to Africa, you'll fall in love with it ... and maybe someone.
Z-boy
Z-boy:
Is that a promise? HAHAHA!
i agree with finding someone in africa. has always appealed to me.
have also been thinking of comments to this entry, but too deep. can't write...
Z-boy, as lovely as that thought is, somehow it’s always been in my head that if I ever went to Africa it would be with my husband. It never occurred to me to go there to find my husband, but it never occurs to me to go anywhere with the purpose of finding a husband. Actually, wow, I had completely forgotten about this, but when I was a teenager I had this recurring dream about being older and in Africa with my husband. Hmm... That’s probably why it’s in my head that I’d go with my husband... And going with my husband certainly doesn't rule out the possibility of first falling in love with him there... We'll see.
usa-girl
hey me -
we're ready for those comments... or will you not share now that you're identity has been revealed?
usa-girl
who is this usa-girl now?
i didn't realize my comments were still requested. but you do bring a good point... can i freely comment now that people know who I am?
feel free to make a comment with whatever identity you want. Just know that if you don't use your real name you will be stalked.
Like you won't stalk her even with her real name? You stalk everyone. And you always know who the fake-name people are - me was the exception to the rule but now me is back on the radar of suspects. I wonder if me is also the coroner?
i am commenting here because i am sure not many people will be reading old comments so it will be 'safe'. i have a question for you, should one let the other person know that they are not interested even before the person mentions that they are? i have had both happened and i don't know which is 'best'. just wanted to know your thoughts
Well Me:
In response to your quandry I would say that really depends on what you see happening in your relationship in the future. DTR's (Define the relationship) are always a good thing. It's important to know where you stand. Is there some question in your mind that the other person is interested in you more than a friend and you feel like it's causing problems in your relationship?
Because if it isn't telling them will only create more drama. On the other hand if you feel like they are behaving in a way that is more than a friend and you think it needs to be addressed then I say go for it. I've had 3 of those talks in the past 3 months and they have all been good. However I didn't just bust out and say I don't like you. I just said that the way were were hanging out/ behavior of other party was causing some confusion and letting them know I enjoyed friendship with them, but that's it. But it may seem to others or even in my own mind that something else is happening and I just wanted to make sure it wasn't.
Post a Comment