Unrealistic Expectations

You know I've always thought of myself as someone who has realistic expectations in events and people. I try not to get my hopes up all high so I won't get disappointed. As a matter of fact I underexpect most of the time. Not sure if it's just a defense mechanism or a life of disappointing events and conditioning, but still...

And even being the realistic optimist I prefer to believe I am I feel crushed by the weight of my own desires and dreams unfulfilled. *sigh* Goodness this isn't very Tanika-esque is it. But anyway just wanted to vent for a bit before I head off to work. Everyone have a good day as always and enjoy.

Maybe she should be writing the tips...

I just read a really wonderful post by my friend Anna that you should check out. In it she touches on some extremely superficial and trivial things that people focus on when trying to date someone else. As a person who has encountered these things I agree wholeheartedly with her. I have definitely had some guys let me know that because of my race or my religion we couldn't date. And I realized that if they really wanted to be with me then that wouldn't matter and that they cleary weren't and waiting for them to change their mind is a pointless exercise.

Because I have been interested in and dated guys of various ethnicities and religions a major area of stress for me can be whether or not he is going to me like no sorry Tanika I don't date black girls. Then I realize that if that is how they are I really shouldn't be getting hung up over them because they aren't who I want anyway, but in the beginning it's hard to be like because I'm already and emotional wreck and I shouldn't have to stress out about that as well as everything else.

This weekend I've been hanging out with some friends visiting from out of town, Lauren and Becca. And I was telling them that for some reason I get hit on a lot by Armenian and Russian guys. Which is totally fine by me. As long as they aren't pervs or anything. Well I was telling them about a couple of Armenian guys I know who only date black women. I told them that unfortunately these guys aren't going to marry these girls because it just isn't acceptable in their families. Basically they are going to marry Armenian women because it is what is expected. I feel like that is just as bad as saying hey I refuse to date someone if they aren't this race or that religion. Anyway just wanted to give my two cents on the subject, but Anna does it better.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

It's a Celebration...

That's right! Today actaully about 26 years and 2 hours ago technically because I was born in chicago, the world was graced with my presence for the first time. But that's ok becuase, "It's a Celebration..." -Dave Chappelle as Rick James (this link is PG-13 please look at it with extreme caution).

I wanted to write something witty and funny on my birthday, but I can't think of anything. Generally speaking whenever I'm trying to be serious everyone thinks I'm being funny, but when I'm trying to be funny no one ever gets it. I think it's because what I think is funny and what other people think is funny only coincide 1/3 of the time. But anyway happy birthday to all the people out there with the fortune to celebrate this wonderful day with me.

Btw-the Chappelle Show Season 2 comes out on DVD tomorrow and it wouldn't go amiss as a birthday gift. Just thought I'd toss that out there.

I had a really good weekend. I saw Crash on Saturday(loved it!) and I will be writing a review just not today. Later that evening I had a dessert party I think Lisa took pictures. Then yesterday I went to Beni Hana's with my friend and we ate until you had to roll us out of there. Then I got my first taste of mild publicity in LA. I was on channel 4 news (local nbc) commenting on the how hot it was as I roasted in the Valley. All in all a very cool weekend. Left me with the exhaustion, but that was ok. Today it's back to work as usual with a few special treats here and there.

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

A Taboo Topic (for me anyway)

I was contemplating the mystery that is Tanika these past two days concerning a particular area of my life. And I realized a few (good/bad) things about myself. (Besides the things that are glaringly obvious)

I live with my good friends the Raceks and they have 3 cool kids Dawson, Katie, and B. Will. I also work with children at the Mathnasium and also as a private tutor. Needless to say I spend about 90% of my time with children. Besides being incredibly interesting and fun to be around children ,in general, are physically affectionate. And they definately don't understand physical boundaries or personal space.

For those of you who know me this is a particularly sensitive subject because I'm not a touchy, feely person. There are reasons for this, which I will discuss here briefly. First, when I was younger I had my personal space physically violated by someone else and I had no control over this, which both angered me, frustrated me, and ultimately left me not wanting a lot of personal contact. Then in some of my earlier attempts to physically reach out to people (of the opposite sex) I again had a violation of that space. As I got older I realized that I really needed to trust a person to be physically close to them (regardless of their sex). But alas trust is an area of life that doesn't come easy to me. Then when I would try to explain myself to people some would think I was joking and overstep boundaries I had, which basically traumatized me.

But children don't understand all that, nor do I expect them to. I also feel that it is important for children to be able to express themselves emotionally since it is very difficult for them to do it verbally. So over the course of these past few months I've been getting a lot of hugs, kisses, and general affection , from children and sometimes adults, which at first seemed overwhelming, but now I'm getting used to and I also realized that in some cases I actually enjoy. Yes, there I said it. I enjoy SOME hugs. I realized that kids just like adults have reasons for expressing affection. When they like someonesometimes they want to give you a hug, or a kiss on the cheek. Maybe even play with your hair. But sometimes they want to manipulate you emotionally so they can get something they want. I found this out mostly at the mathnasium with older children. They would give me hugs and wanna hang all over me (which I don't let them do. Mathnasium policy) then turn around and say "Hey can I get a dollar?"

I guess ultimately I feel uncomfortable with physical affection from people who either clearly are self motivated and don't have my best interests at heart, are trying manipulate me, or have unclear motives for why they are being that way (or I just don't trust them). But I realized that when a person just genuinely likes me and wants to physically express it then I actually want to return that affection. Now don't get me wrong I still need time to get used to it, but before everyone was just lumped together in my mind and I just didn't want anyone to touch me at all. I mostly just tolerated it.

But the irony of it all is that somewhere in the back of my mind I'm doubting that a person atually has genuine affection for me, which is why I get all weirded out in the first place. How's that for a twisted thread? Anyway just wanted to share.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Confessions...

I have a confession I feel compelled to make, but I don't want too many people know what I did unless they really want to know.

Recemment, j'ai trouve que je peux voir le IP address, recherche, et reference de la page de les gens qui visitent mon blog. Depuis lors, je suis hante avec trouver qui visiter mon blog. Hier soir, j'etais eveiller jusque a 11:30 recherche l'internet pour les gens. Recherche blogs et homepages. Bien sur, il est tres pathetique. Peut etre, je suis un blog stalker. Je ne sais pas. J'ai besoin d'aide.

Comme toujours ayez une bonne journee et appreciez.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #9

Back by popular demand (i.e. one person asked what happened to my relationship tips), here is my next hot relationship tip (sarcasm). Pretty simple, pretty basic.

In a place like the United States where individualism is highly regarded you would THINK that this wouldn't be a problem, but upon closer inspection and reflection I have noticed this to be the case for a number of couples. Closely tied to my previous tip, #9 is not trying to change who you are, your personality or behavior, into something that isn't true to your beliefs or values in order to have or continue a romantic relationship. (or friendship)

Now don't get me wrong there are a few things I'm not trying to say here. First I'm not saying that if you are in a relationship with someone and you don't see "eye to eye" on a subject that you shouldn't work out something that is mutually beneficial because ideally that is what you want to do. I'm also not saying that if you realize that you and your partner don't have the same goals in life everything is automatically over. But if you aren't dating that person yet then maybe you should take some time to be friends with them get to know them a little better and then see if that person really is the right one for you. Or if you are already in a relationship maybe it would be a good time for you to reassess your priorities, because maybe it isn't as much of an issue as it once was. I'm also not saying you should be so strong and stubborn that if something is important to you that you should cling to it so tightly that you might ruin a wonderful relationship, but try to keep proper perspective on what is important to both you and your partner. Now after all that what AM I saying....

I'm saying that if you change who you represent yourself to be from what you are essentially, trying to be someone you aren't so that people will be interested in you, then it's only a matter of time until the real you, the regular old you starts slipping through the cracks. Shocking and sometimes traumatizing the person you are interested in. I guess I see a lot of people who try to make a better NEW and IMPROVED version of themselves that they present to other people because they feel that who they really are isn't good enough to love or be appreciated. Or maybe the way they desire to be loved and appreciated. I admit that my "interests" have varied depending on who I was interested in. But it was only a matter of time before I had to admit that Backgammon really isn't that interesting to me. I only like getting dressed up once in a while, not acting like I have an endless supply of "cute" clothes (which in actual fact I borrow from my friends). And although I enjoy dancing, I hate clubbing. I really enjoy having a glass of wine or a cocktail, but I really can't stand getting drunk out of my mind to "have a good time". But these are all things that I have done (except the backgammon) in order to try and maintain a relationship, but ultimately Tanika came back up and was like this isn't me and I'm not happy.

But let's get real. Most of us want to change those character flaws we THINK other people see in us in hopes that it will make us more likeable. Just recently a guy friend of mine asked me to be honest with him and tell him what things about him are undesirable characteristics. I guess he wanted to work on them or something. And in all honesty I couldn't tell him because I like him the way he is, as a matter of fact the more I learn about him the more his estimation goes up in MY eyes. (THAT'S RIGHT I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS SO THERE! And no this isn't an internet proposition.) Maybe he is a little rough around the edges, but after hanging out with some girlfriends a couple of weeks ago I found out just like me, they like guys who are rough around the edges, you know not quite smooth. To that guy I say, "Hey you're ok with me don't change a thing, and quit trippin'." But I'm not every girl and neither are my friends so you should probably ask the girl your interested in. And for the record all the guys I have liked have been rough around the edges. It was the quirky bits that made me more interested in them. I would like to state for the record that there isn't anything wrong with trying to make yourself a better person, but check your reasons because if they are really superficial it will get to you after a while. It's a difficult process figuring out who you are and your identity and what is important to you and what actually makes you happy. Don't throw that out the window for something that probably won't last anyway because it's based on the lie that you are someone you really aren't.

I hope this tip was helpful. Like I always say this is not a formula or something we always need to take each relationship as the individual thing it is and try to figure out what is best for your and your partner. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Hate it or Love it

Ugh!!!...the bad music monster strikes again. Like most of you out there I'm sure you have songs that you can't stand, but for some reason those are the songs you know all the lyrics to. As a connoisseur of fine music I like to believe that I enjoy music because it's creative or original or has some redeeming quality besides the fact that it's popular. Then another catchy song comes along and knocks me off my high horse.

Like a year or so ago Twista, Kanye, and Jamie Foxx got me with "Slow Jamz" It wasn't because of the sample from a song I like, or the catchy hook. It was that line that goes, "She gotta light skinned friend look like Micheal Jackson, She gotta dark skinned friend look like Micheal Jackson". Torturers! Then Li'l Jon got me twice with that stupid "Get Low" song which is absolutely horrible, but "From the window to the wall!" got me. I guess I can't blame him from getting me with Usher and Ludacris because Usher does have talent so I'll excuse "Yeah" and "Lovers and Friends".

But the most recent catastrophe involves 50 Cent who I vowed I would never deliberately listen to. I was over at a friends place a couple of weeks ago and one of the guys brought the new "The Game" cd and played it for us. The song is by The Game featuring 50 Cent. And the way 50 cent mumbles in the chorus you sit there trying to figure out what he said, "Mmmm mmm hmmmm mmm mmm hmmm on top, mmmm hmmmm mmmmm heart stop" I mean it was torture. Then I was listening to Yahoo music launch and it came again and of course I listened to it a couple of times going what is he saying. Unfortunately by the time I realized I could just look up the lyrics it was too late. Hate it or Love it. (check out the video see if you love it or hate it)

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

Vegas Stories and Some Pictures...

O.k. on to Vegas post #2. I posted some pictures on my other site (graciously provided by Mimi). So if you want to see some wild crazy fun check it out (sarcasm).

Now I would like to share with you some of my favorite Vegas Stories / Moments:

The Bus:
Now as most of you know I don't have a car so I bus it a lot. And I have a policy that if the bus goes there then so do I, but I do have limits. Apparently Vegas isn't one of them. Although there were several alternatives I made my way (slowly) to Vegas on the Greyhound bus. It gave me a good opportunity to really get to know my bus neighbor. Then once I got there I took Las Vegas Transportation to meet my friends at the hotel. I'm also proud to say we used public transportation the entire time to make trips up and down the strip easier. I mean get real, I wasn't trying to use up all my energy trying to get from the Luxor to the Sahara.

Fendi Story:
If you've read any comments you might have seen some references to the Fendi story. Well much like L.A. Vegas has a lot of upscale stories like Prada or D&G and of course that includes Fendi. Well one night a couple of the girls went into the Fendi store to have a look around, but Mimi who had been having some problems with her knee wanted to sit down and rest for a bit. She noticed a couch across the room, but KCK pointed out that there was a couch on the side of the room near them. Mimi looks, but doesn't see the couch. KCK keeps pointing and saying it's right there. Mimi looks closely still not seeing the couch. That's when KCK notices her own reflection in the mirror. She realized that she was actually looking in a mirror and the couch she was pointing to was the one on the other side of the room. (I'm wiping a tear from my eye as I speak).

"We're happy not drunk!":
As you know Vegas is the city that never sleeps so we decided to take after that tradition and pull an all nighter Vegas Style. So 3 of us were in the casino at maybe 3 or 4 in the morning can't remember. For those of you who don't know, Vegas is the home of the cheap cocktail and in the case of casinos drinks are actually free. A cocktail waitress comes around and offers you drinks. The only deal is you're supposed to tip her. The trick is to get you drunk and keep you gambling and while you are drunk and on a winning streak you tip better. And usually people who are loud and rowdy and laughing are on a winning streak. Well Mimi, KCK, and I were on a HUGE losing streak, but it finally got to us how funny it was and we were trying to switch the money from machine to machine I barely remember why we were, but we were laughing and gambling and generally being loud and rowdy like we were drunk and on a winning streak when actually we hadn't been drinking and had pretty much lost all the money. The waitress comes up and says "Cocktail?" we all calm down instantly say "No" in a normal voice. She looks at us, makes a funny face, and walks away. And we burst out laughing again and continue to laugh and gamble. See you can have fun in Vegas without drinking and winning. You just have to be all tweaked out at 3 am.

Sorry if you wanted some really scandizzle moments, but as you know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas so I can't share those. I will however delicately hint upon request.

Cool Moments:
-The woman who was trying to look cute "jogging" up and down the strip in Las Vegas heat.
-All of us needing to sit down in every store we came to because we needed to rest our weary bones every 15 minutes.
-Trying to spend food comp money at 4 am buying iced tea, ice cream, and hot cocoa (sorry Mimi I meant chocolate)
-Mimi trying to convince herself to go to the top of the Stratosphere, even though she was terrified.
-Dancing at Ethel M's to get free chocolate samples.
-Mimi's reaction to seeing a living statue for the first time (you know the ones who are at 3rd street)
-The girls trying to figure out the movement of our center of gravity in the inclinator.
-Getting hit on by Armenian guys
-Any other girl getting hit on by a guy and then blowing him off.
-Mimi getting pulled on stage at the Blue Man Group show.
-The girls realizing that our recovery time had definitely lengthened since college.
-Hating on people as we people watched.
-Anna turning into a photography expert a Cesar's Palace (You were pretty good too)
-Anna being hopped up on Nyquil the entire trip
-KCK making those KCK comments that everyone loves.
-Pemma just being crazy and silly
-Laughing at the guy who couldn't get into the Wynn because he didn't have sleeves.

O Danny Boy

My friend Daniel recently posted a story about a bust they did on a meth lab near his apartment. Now of course with all the tweakers in L.A. that doesn't seem all that strange. I mean who doesn't live near a meth lab? (jk) but seriously in the wilds of Virginia Beach were he lives it was scandizzle.

My favorite part is that he got interviewed for his reaction to what happened. You should check out the clip. (Especially if you are curious about what he looks and sound like; Sorry to put your gov't business in the streets like that Daniel, but since you won't visit CA this is the only way my friends will get to see you)

Vegasisms the Quotes...

Yes I'm back from my wild trip to Vegas. I spent a lot of time wondering if I would actually write anything about the trip. I mean who really wants to know the kinds of things that went on in Vegas ? But to appease myself I have decided to do 3 Vegas posts. Why three you ask. Well as I learned from School House Rock, "3 is a magic number." This post is devoted to some crazy quotes/conversations. I'll be more than happy to explain the situations upon request. (Sorry Lauren I know that I usually have 2 fold things) I would also like to say I had the best time with my friends. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I think I lost about 50 lbs. from all the laughing and walking we did. Too bad I gained 60 from all the eating.

Quotes:
-"You remind me of a drunk Japanese man!"

-"Oooooh, Jon Secada's here!" another along those lines "I didn't know Engelbert Humperdinck was here."

-"Hello housekeeping, yeah this is room 14256, we have a solid waste problem in the bathroom...yeah it's plugged up!"

-"If you dance, I'll give you some chocalate" everyone immediately starts dancing.

-"It's ok we're in vegas!" and "But what is the VEGAS time?"

-"I'm gonna drink some Nyquil to help me stay awake."

-"Go outside at night?!? Are you crazy? We're in Vegas!"

and three of my favorite conversations

Me: So where are you goin' tonight?
F: To the R-A.
Me:The R-A. You mean like the resident advisor in a dorm?
F:That's just what the club name is called.
Me: Wait a minute you're staying at the Luxor right?
F: Yeah.
Me:Do you mean Ra as in the Egyptian sun god?
F: Oh Ra! (to everyone else) Hey you guys the club is named Ra.


at 4 a.m. at the Pyramid Cafe: (remember it's 4 am and I've been awake all night)
B:What is the difference between a shake and a malt?
R: A Malt has malt powder in it.
Me:No it doesn't it has this stuff in it. (Making weird "powdery" hand gesture but continuing)
You know that stuff. What's it called? You know that powdery stuff.
R: You mean malt powder?
Me: Yeah malt powder that's it!

In the elevator going to our room at 3 a.m. 2 drunk guys and an older couple. Older couple clearly uncomfortable. (I blanked out the word for sensitive eyes. I'll tell upon request.)
Drunk guys talking: Yeah man we are going to see some ______ at 9 o'clock in the morning.
Drunk guy on phone: Make sure you are ready to go because at 9 we are going to see ______
Other drunk guy: (To me) We are going to see ______ in the morning. (I nod my head) Do you wanna see _____?
Me: (Contemplating a sarcastic comment) No thanks.
(My friends and I are trying to discretely laugh, but I wasn't as successful)
Drunk guys continue inane conversation about _______.
Drunk guy on the phone: Hey where is Mark? We have to make sure Mark knows what is going on.
Other drunk guy: (To me) Do you know Mark?
Me: No.
Drunk guy on the phone to other girls: Do you know where Mark is?
Girls: No.
Other drunk guy: Why are you lying to us?
Drunk guy on the phone: (to person on the phone)They are lying, they say they don't know who Mark is.
I burst out laughing at this point.
On the point of leaving the elevator the other drunk guy turns back and say "9 o'clock _____!"

We laughed so hard about that one. Drunk people are crazy. Anyway that's it for now. Hopefully be able to show you some pictures. We'll see I didn't take any so I must depend on the kindness of my friends. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Wilin' Out...

Although there are plenty of times when I don't post for days (weeks) at a time. This time it is legitimate. I will be spending the next couple of days wilin' out in Las Vegas in case you didn't know. I will be writing a tell all post when I get back. I know I know. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but I also have a saying...If I don't do it outside of Vegas I sure ain't doing inside of Vegas.

So have a good weekend everyone and happy Cinco de Mayo.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #8

Yes, I have decided to devote one entire post to a relationship tip. But this is something that I've been thinking about for a while so now it's status has been elevated above a mere apendage.

In the true Dan Brown fashion:
FACT- No one is perfect, so thinking that if you can just do everything perfect in a relationship to make it work isn't going to work.

Recently I've had a friend who has been in a difficult relationship with his significant other. I spend a lot of time just letting him talk out his feelings because I know that's how he processes best. The thing that keeps coming up the most is that he says he has been doing everything right. Wondering, why isn't it working out? He said one of his biggest fears is that if he doesn't do everything right then there is another guy waiting to take his place and do everything "right" with his girlfriend. I have to admit I have fallen into this trap myself which is why I don't give my friend a hard time. I think that if I'm the perfect girlfriend then that should make my boyfriend happy and everything will be perfect.

Over the past couple of weeks I started listening to things that people say who are in a relationship. A common thread in all the conversations, especially those coming from people in a rocky or defunct relationship, is that at least one person felt like they did everything right and why wasn't it working. Constantly berating themselves wondering what should they have done? What did they do that wasn't quite right in the first place? Why weren't they good enough? What can they do to make the other person happy and want to be with them? Clinging to the hope that somehow there is a secret formula of actions that will make everything ok.

In the course of writing these relationship tips I've realized that there isn't some formulaic way to have a perfect relationship. And it definitely isn't being the perfect person. When expressing my frustration about finding a guy who is into the same things I'm into a wise friend told me that in relationships its also about adapting to the other person not always making sure everything about you coincides. Which of course makes perfect sense and I'm glad she pointed it out. That's one of the points I want to stress about all my tips. They are just there to help bring clarity to a situation where I feel thinking and good judgment can become clouded for whatever reasons.

I guess the reason I felt like making this tip it's own post is because it gets to me watching people beat themselves up about something that isn't their responsibility in the first place (i.e. being perfect). Seeing people value themselves by what they THINK they should be doing, then feeling like somehow they have fallen short and somehow their worth is lessened because the person they poured themselves into didn't "appreciate" all their efforts. When a relationship takes the work of both parties adapting, learning, and growing together.

Anyway as usual have a good day and enjoy.

Tanikaism(schisms) Revised Edition

This list has been edited for accuracy

Things I like:
Bagpipes (is there any better music?)
Jane Austen novels/movies
What a fool believes - Doobie Brothers
Anything by the BeeGees
Green
Children
Rainy / Cloudy days
Anything I can read
AND OF COURSE
*Skinny Geeky White Guys (Sorry I left that out the first time, thanks for pointing it out Daniel)

Things I don't like:
Public Restrooms / Port-a-potties
Wet hair
Wet tissue paper
Chicken
Raisins
Overly Bright Sunny Days
chartreuse (I mean really)

Things I'm afraid of:
Soggy Cereal
Public Restrooms
Soggy Cereal in a public restroom
Small children who are really good ticklers
Undercooked Red Meat
Curly Fries (don't ask)

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

He Said, She Said

Sometimes in the course of a conversation ideas and meanings get "lost in the shuffle". You're trying to explain yourself, but in the process things end up sounding very different.

-What he said:
I think we need some time apart.

What she heard:
I can't stand you and I never what to see you again.

-What she said:
I think we need to take our relationship to the next level.

What he heard:
You need to start spending your every waking (and sleeping) moment with ME!

-What he said:
This is the way I am, you have to accept me and not try to change me.

What she heard:
I know I'm a slob, but this is the best you're gonna get.

-What she said:
I need someone who will nuture me and help me grow.

What he heard:
I'm already dating your friend Greg. (Sorry about that Greg)

-What he said:
I need to focus on me right now and get my things together.

What she heard:
You're not important enough to me to make sure we spend quality time together.

Just some thoughts as always enjoy.