Tanika's Relationship Tip #Umpteen

Ok another brief hiatus from the story I have been relating to you. I promise the next post will we devoted solely to that. But I needed to take a time out and bring you another relationship tip from yours truly. As usual my tips are taken from real life occurrences and after some meditation I figure out a nice practical way to share the thing that I have learned.

I got a phone call yesterday from a girl I'm particularly close with and in the middle of our conversation she made a pretty amusing comment. It went a little something like this,, "Guess what Tanika? I'm not shallow anymore!" I, of course, burst out into laughter. I mean I was happy that she wasn't shallow anymore, but it got me thinking about how shallowness can prevent us from having meaningful and lasting relationships. For those of you who are looking for a shallow relationship based on superficiality please disregard my next tip. I would like to preface by saying that this tip is not along my ordinary lines because it gives the impression that it's ok to be shallow. It's not. But I realize that we all have shallow areas in our lives that we are hopefully trying to make deeper.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #Umpteen: Thinking and talking about what you want in a relationship solely in shallow terms will keep you and anyone else who might be interested in you from having a serious, meaningful, and lasting relationship. Of course I will explain. Over the years I've had both guys and girls talk to me about what they are looking for in a partner/relationship (both friendship and romantic). And there have been times where I admit I didn't actually take the person seriously (i.e. I thought they were kidding, but they weren't) because what they were saying was so hopelessly unrealistic and shallow. But over the years I've realized that they weren't joking. The other day I was hanging with this guy who was telling me the things he was looking for in a woman. Sadly (sarcasm) none of these applied to me. But this guy took it a step further and said that women who had qualities that I possess were boring and unattractive. Being the only woman in the room I was mildly exasperated (understatement) with his continued negativity towards women who didn't embody what he desired.

Now to be fair I've heard women do the exact same thing. Acting like men should be the amalgamation of all their physical hopes and dreams. A recipe consisting of only the best parts. Feel free to leave out any brains, won't be necessary. But back to the story. So you know me being me, I had to break it down to a brotha. Couldn't let him go around spouting that level of ignorance. I first stated that "Yes, it's important to find the person you are with attractive and fun to be around." But to go around talking about how anyone else who doesn't meet YOUR standards as one step up from dog food isn't cool. First off what it does is have women/men who you aren't attracted to think you are a hopelessly shallow(i.e. not only will they not recommend you to their friends but they will actually warn men/women off you), but it also tells the someone you are attracted to that you are an idiot/jerk/(insert name here) and it's just a matter of time before something they do will make them fall out of favor with you (no point in even wasting their time on you). If you do this and wonder why you can't seem to have a lasting relationship with "Mr./Mrs. Right" maybe you should try revising your technique, because it leaves something to be desired.

If all you are looking for are flings, light flirtations, and casual relationships this may not be a problem, but if you are looking for someone to share your life with the last thing someone who would have been interested in you wants to hear you say is that they aren't worthy of love or respect because of a physical flaw you don't think is one or that it's something beyond your control anyway. Your love for someone should make them feel safe and secure. Content to be who they are. Not desperate, afraid, or on edge that somehow you will lose interest in them because of something that could happen to change their appearance. If nothing else they are going to become older their bodies will change and trust me honey, so will yours.

Also stating why he/she can get away with this behavior or that behavior because they are good looking is also a sure fire way to warn off would be relationships. (Yes this is the law of beautiful people) But the truth is that you must not have much to offer a relationship if you let a good looking man or woman walk all over you because they are good looking. If you are so dense as to subject yourself to that level of idiocy for fleeting good looks then more power to you.

Girls, guys, old men and women are out their starving themselves, dying their hair, getting all types of painful/harmful procedures because they are terrified that they aren't worthy of love by their own merit is one of the saddest things I can think of. (I said one of) Anyway just wanted to give my two cents. Feel free to share your thoughts or opinions on the subject.