Trapped in the Vestibule (Chapter 2 of 5)..

I'm just making fun of R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet videos (Chapters 1 - 5). I was just thinking how my story would sound set to the same music. Because as anyone knows when R. Kelly writes his songs he basically goes in the studio and just starts saying words. Example:

"Here we are the four of us, total shock, me and her, close my mouth swallow spit and I think to my self this is some messed up s%$#". I mean let's get real "close my mouth...swallow spit?" R. Kelly what were you thinking? Anyway back to the story...

When I left off he wasn't speaking to me any more. This was very hard for me to handle because I had just spent some very emotional days stressed out about whether he was going to live. Keeping myself busy in an attempt to numb my emotions. Needless to say that after this I was pretty torn up. Saying that I took to my bed puts things pretty mildly. There was definitely some mid-night crying and a lot of insomnia where I wondered what I had done wrong. I mean I hadn't changed, had I? He knew what I was like before we started dating. He had known me for nearly 2 years. And I was more open with him than I have been with any other man before. I'm not a perfect person, but I try to do things right and love people the best I can. Compromising when I need, working things out, and willing to go the extra mile to make sure someone is happy and that I can be helpful.

Fast forward -> After another week of self-recrimination and wasted advice from friends that it wasn't my fault, I finally realized that this might be it. Things really might be over. That's the hardest part of an ending relationship. Admitting to yourself it's over when you would give you last breath for it not to end. I realized I had to try and move on picking up the shattered pieces of my heart, pride, and ego if I had any hope of getting over him.

As I sorted through somethings I found pictures of us together and I was transported back to better times. I realized I couldn't look at anything of his without feeling a sharp pain in my chest, I'm not sure if it's real or imagined. It sure seems real. I found one of his sweatshirts he let me wear when we were out one time and it got a little chilly. Some of his music that we had listened together. And I realized I'm getting nowhere fast and I have to return these things at least for myself so that I don't have constant reminders of him around my house. I mean it had already taken all the strength I had to delete his text messages, his phone number, and saved voice mails. (Yes I'm a loser I saved his voicemails, that's what it's like when you have it really bad)

Instead of putting myself through more torture I texted him and asked if it would be alright if I dropped his stuff in the mail and he sent me back some things that I had left at his place. It seemed like a reasonable request to make. I was fairly certain that he felt the same way I did and didn't want my things around his place. Much to my surprise (though not as much as before) he responded with a resounding NO!!! Can you believe that he said no. I of course responded with the obvious question of WHY?!? In a nutshell he told me I wasn't worth it and he wasn't going to waste good money sending me back my (*insert expletives here)! I would have understood more if he was talking about some meaningless junk, but it was some things that I find very valuable. The thing I couldn't get over was that he was telling me I meant less than nothing to him and he wasn't going to return my things because I wasn't worth it.

Fast Forward-> He again started to categorize my faults, he went further this time with insults which weren't true and rounded off with saying and I quote "I don't even know why I ever went out with you, you disgust me!" You can imagine my mental state after that. It wasn't good. (mild understatement). Needless to say I was completely devestated by this comment. I couldn't say much after that I was hurting so bad...to be continued.

Has that ever happened to you? Not only has someone dumped you, but feels the need to grind you down into dust on top of it. It wasn't neccessary for him to make those comments, but he did. Wasn't it enough that he had already hurt me did he have to stand in triumph over me?

Stay tuned for part 3.

As usual have a good day and enjoy. Feel free to share your thoughts.