The Handshake...

Since I have had some interesting questions about who is Frank and Sam and even Judy I have decided to write a follow-up to a previous entry that I wrote about Frank, Sam, Judy and myself. I want to say something about the meaning of the interpretation of a handshake by a woman. What I was trying to say was simply this it isn't necessarily about dating the guy who has a good handshake. It's more of a filter mechanism.

Ladies please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but most of us have had no account guys talking to us trying to get over on us in some shape form or fashion. See not every guy is all sweet and innocent like Kairos guys. Some guys actually are nasty slime balls. Since when we meet guys we can't say "Hey, You triflin'?" We use other methods. For example body language can tell you a lot about a person, just like a handshake. It's just one of the ways we separate guys who are about something from guys who aren't.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

No room in the inn...

Here's a little story that happened today, now I know how Mary and Joseph felt...

Woke up like any other Sunday morning and started on my way to Kairos. Every other Sunday I sing at church. Because I live so far from church I usually hang out there all day so that I won't have to make that long trek back to the A-P-T. Usually I read and take a nap in the Fountain Room (the place where we have church). Today I was really looking forward to it because I have been exhausted these past couple of days, but when we get to the Fountain Room they were having a Bridal Shower. So I along with my friend let's call him Jason look all over the building for another place to rest and take a nap, but there aren't any. Finally this guy I know tells us we should go over to the building behind ours and take a nap in a room they have on the second floor because it has couches. WELL ...this building belongs to the church we share a building with and it serves as a transitional house. Well I was just drifting off to sleep with my jacket over my face when someone comes in and says "Hey you aren't supposed to be in here." They didn't recognize Jason and so when I pulled my jacket from my face they were like, "Oh hey Tanika didn't realize it was you. Go ahead and stay as long as you like." Well needless to say both Jason and I were a little uncomfortable after this and didn't want to stay in the room any longer.

Well we left, but we couldn't figure out a place to go so we could sit and wait out the bridal shower and so Jason could get back and practice his bassoon. See Jason stays around at church to take a nap as well and practice his bassoon. Since Jason has fair skin like I do he didn't want to stay out in the sun. So eventually we ended up outside the door of the Fountain Room sitting on plastic patio furniture. It was good times. If any of you guys know me when I go somewhere I like to find a place I feel comfortable and tuck myself into that spot and the chill out there. If I can't make myself comfortable then I want to go home. I think Jason is the same way. So there we were sitting in the hall saying , "Man, I feel displaced" I felt all unwanted and unloved. Well now I'm writing to you from inside the Fountain Room where I'm enjoying the sounds of Jason practicing his bassoon and the company of my good friend Nate.

I think I have traumatized Jason permanently. I'm not sure he wants to hang out with me anymore. After I started off the day so well by getting him a cup of water. Well I guess you never really know. Anyway as always enjoy.

Race Relations at the Mathnasium...

As most people know I work at a place called the Mathnasium. It's a math learning center that caters to children from the ages of 8-18. We assess the children then design a math program that targets individual math needs. Well anyway I enjoy working there. It's in the heart of the Westwood Jewish community so needless to say most of the children who go there are Jewish. We actually have holidays based on Jewish holidays and I'm realizing there are a lot of holidays. That's o.k. by me.

Anyhoo there are other children who go there mostly private school students. There are a couple of students who go to Le Lycee Francais which is a very exclusive bilingual French/English school. One particular 8 year old boy frome that school named Timothy has caught my eye since I started working at the mathnasium. This kid is a trip. He wears a tie and blazer to school everyday and on his casual days (once a month) he wears and oxford shirt with a tie and penny loafers. Did I mention this kid is 8 years old. He puts business men to shame. I have no clue what his parents do, and his mother who is white, is from some francophone country in Africa. Well anyway Timothy is very precocious. He spends most of his time trying to figure out a way not to do his work or he'll try to tell you stories about his previous life. Sometimes we speak in French together because he listens if I tell him to sit down and shut up in French. Well anyway about a month ago he asked if the rest of my family still lived in Africa. I said no my family lives in the united states. He said, "No I mean the rest of your family back in Africa." I said I don't have any family in Africa. He said but your black and you speak French. I said yes I'm black but I'm American and I learned French in school like he did. My family all lives here in the United States and has for years. He said there is a new kid in his class from Senegal. So he figures that must be where all the other black people came from. Needless to say I had to school little Timothy. Then yesterday he asked me was this other little back girl my daughter. I said no I don't have any children. He said sometimes he sees black people when he's out and he thinks they are my sisters and brothers and children because we are all black. I said sorry I know we all look alike but believe or not black people aren't all related.

Then he said well don't you and your husband want children. I told him I wasn't married. And he said, "What!?! your not married. Being married is so fun. You get to kiss and hug each other all day long. It looks like a lot of fun to me. Don't you wanna do that Tanika?" I have to admit the kid has a point. Kissing and hugging all day might be nice. However I said, "Timothy what's 13 - 4" and he said, "What?" I said it's time to do some math Timothy.

Timothy is utterly outrageous. I find myself in the weirdest conversations with this kid. Maybe he has been here before. I wonder if I was ever like that. Well have a good day and as always enjoy.

Don't hate the player...

O.k. to break up the previous entries with something a little lighter. I was wondering if you guys remember Will Smith from back in the day. I'm talking DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air neon clothes and goofy looking smile Will Smith.

I was thinking about how he went from the goofy class clown type to smooth super stud. I was watching the production diaries for Bad Boys II and he was talking about the first time he realized he was attractive to women. He was sitting in the back of a screening for the movie Bad Boys and it was the scene where he is running down the street with his shirt flapping open and he hears a woman in front of him say, "Yeah you go ahead and run Will, mmmm-hmmm". Well needless to say after that movie if he wasn't famous enough Will Smith blew-up.

What prompted these thoughts you might add well it was a combination of two things:

One: Maybe because I live in L.A. they just have a lot more advertisements up so we get bombarded by marketing for various movies, services, and products. Well anyway I kept seeing advertisements for this movie Hitch starring Will Smith. I was very amused by the website. I really think it would be interesting for others to check it out as well especially guys trying to get dates with women. And for women wondering what in the world is a guy thinking when he asks me out.

Two: My friend Lauren has recently posted in her blog about love, dating and relationships. So naturally I've had dating and relationships on the brain.

So when the movie stated that Hitch was the cure for the common man I naturally went to the website to find out what was going on. Surprise, surprise it's about dating. Well I started thinking this is really funny. Will Smith portrays the smooth operator when he started off so goofy and awkward. I guess he knows something. I actually think most guys have the smooth operator in them they just don't know how to let it out.

For example I have a good friend lets call him Frank. My friend Frank actually has quite a few general things about women figured out. I would like to stress general here. We barely understand ourselves. I know this from conversations I've had with him. Well one day I was standing with my friend ummm...Judy yeah Judy and my other friend Sam. Frank came up and shook hands with Judy and myself and I introduced him to Sam. They shook hands. Frank has a very firm handshake. And Sam said to Frank, "Do you shake a woman's hand like that?" Frank said of course, women like it when a man has a good firm handshake don't they Tanika and Judy. Judy and I could barely speak we were nodding our heads so vigorously. See Frank knew something Sam didn't. Women respond different to a man depending on his handshake. A weak handshake says, "Ladies forget this guy he doesn't know what he's about and he doesn't know how to handle business" but the firm handshake says "Ladies you need to get to know this guy better" Unfortunately Frank doesn't know what to do once he's made the initial first handshake and made a good impression. Maybe he should check out this website as well. If anyone sees Frank let him know. Anyway have a good day and enjoy.

A Minstrel Show

In my previous entry I mentioned something called a minstrel show. For those of you who don't know what that is it's when white people put black on their faces and put on variety shows imitating black people. Usually not in a positive light.

Now for you fellow hokies they used to put on minstrel shows at Virginia Tech during the early 1900's. It was really popular and of course socially acceptable. That's kinda what I was talking about in my previous post. Anyway have a good day.

Enjoy!

The Cliffhanger...

Sorry to keep you dangling yesterday with my previous post, but I had some places I need to be and I cut the story off in the most appropriate place I could find. Now where was I...

oh yes I was holding the stack of papers thinking. O.k. this is what white people do when there are no black people around. I guess everyone was waiting for me to blow my stack, but I must admit I didn't. I mean I was upset that they would leave this out knowing I was coming over. I found out later they didn't leave it out on purpose. That doesn't make me feel better, but I realize they weren't deliberately trying to antagonize me.

Well anyhoo we started talking after that. I said well I wish I could say that when black people or other ethnic people get together we don't tell jokes or say mean things about white people because that is really not true. We talked a little bit more about how we were raised and how for them as well as myself it was acceptable to ridicule other ethnic groups. I think in general that in this country, considering our history, black people have harbored negative feelings for white people. However until recently we haven't felt able to voice these opinions. It wasn't like slaves could tell their masters off. And until the civil rights movement if we were denied access to something we could say how we really felt. So there has been this whole mentality of keeping your opinions to yourself. My point is, when you are trying to gain access to something the last thing you want to do is bite the hand feeding you. But recently as black people in this country have become more successful overall, our confidence has grown and we feel like we can start sharing how we feel more freely. Whether or views are right or wrong.

On the flipside for a long time it was socially acceptable for white people to ridicule blacks and other ethnic minorities. They could ridicule people, put on minstrel(sp?) shows, or display derogatory pictures with impunity. It hasn't been until the civil rights movement where blacks started standing up for their rights that this behavior on a more national level was viewed as offensive. So I think a mentality of ridiculing and making physical representations was established. However now it isn't socially acceptable to display them which explains why my friend and her friends felt free to enjoy this in their own company, they were embarrassed when I saw their jokes.

This leads me to the other thought from my previous post. Is it the case that these same thoughts are underlying the Zambian culture where the class system provides a structure to express socially acceptable behavior while underneath there are really other views and issues in tension...to be continued...

As always have a good day. Enjoy!

Another interesting conversation...

Last night I was talking to my good friend Derek, who was born and raised in Zambia, about some of the things I wrote about in my previous entry. As friends we think it's funny that he is American African and I'm African American (Sorry if this offends Mimi or Precious). We were saying that we experienced reverse lives. Where I would be the only black person in a group of white people. He was the only white person in a group of black people And I was asking him did he ever experience any racism or notice racism when he was growing up in Africa. Because I was curious how things were over there. At least in Zambia.

He was explaining to me that he really never experienced much. He wasn't sure if he was just naive and because he didn't have a command of the language then maybe some things they said or thought he just never heard. He also was explaining to me since Zambia was colonized by the British they instituted a class system. Which separated the Africans from white people. They also had an established mode of conduct under which most people operated. He said because of this everyone pretty much knew what was expected of them and acted out on these assigned roles.

This lead me to think about the issue of whether or not the racial tensions where merely hidden underneath the socially constructed norm. I was thinking about a particular incident that occurred a couple of years ago. I was working in Southwest Virginia and I became friends with a white coworker of mine. We both attended Virginia Tech and worked at the same store so we had some things in common. Most of the people who read this know me, but Sally (that's what I'm gonna call her) was born and raised in Southwest Virginia. She's white around the same age as I am, but had very little interaction with black people. Well after a few months she told me how some over her friends would come over on a Friday night to play cards and have drinks. Then one day she invited me over. Not really sure why. I will tell you that I later found out that neither she nor any of her friends that I met that night had ever hung out with any black people socially. Well we got over to her place and I met some of her friends. I'm not really sure what they had been doing before we got there, but I walked over to the kitchen table and sitting on top was a huge stack of jokes that were basically all racial slurs against black, jewish, and polish people (they had accompanying pictures). Well I lifted up the stack and everyone noticed what I was doing. It seemed like everyone froze waiting for my response. Well I'll tell you a lot of things went through my mind...I'll tell you about it in the next post. Have a good day.

Enjoy!

A Race...it's not just for running.

As most people know Monday we celebrated Martin Luther King's Birthday. Well I was riding in the car with a married couple I'm friends with and their two small children(btw they are white). While we were traveling they asked me if I could tell their daughter some things about MLK. They said they really didn't know that much, but was wondering if I could shed some light on his life for her.

Of course the first thing I thought was o.k. so I know I'm black, but does that automatically mean that I know about MLK. Is that why they are asking me? Did they ask anybody else that day? Well the truth is I do know a lot about Martin Luther King, but I of course was trying to figure out how to make it understandable to a 6-year old. Not quite the same thing as talking to an adult. I remember when I first started learning about the not some great history of the United States. I thought I should leave the emotional scarring to her parents.

When I got home I started thinking... Next month is Black History Month. I started reflecting over the years and different things I used to do in school during that month to learn about the history of Africa and the history of African Americans in the United States. Because my father was in the military my family used to move around a lot. And there were quite a few times where I would be in a class and we were learning about black history. I would not only be the only black person in class, but sometimes the only ethnic person in class. And the moment the issue of slavery, the struggle of blacks, or the civil rights movement would come up, everyone would turn around and look at me. I was like I'm 9. I don't know anything about the struggle of the black man in this country. I just learned how to read last year. (Just kidding there). Just last week a friend of mine was asking me what was it like growing up as a black person in this country. I didn't know exactly what to say. I mean it's not like I have the option of growing up white in this country so I'm not sure what he wanted to hear. I told him some of my experiences. I think he was shocked because he didn't expect to hear the things I said. Anyhoo...

I'm not sure where everyone who is reading this is from, but I used to live in a place in the south that had some very interesting views on the celebration of this month. I lived in a town where people drove around with confederate flags and bumper stickers that said, "Some of us don't think the North won!" I even would hear people say things like, "Where do they get off devoting a whole month to Black History?" There isn't a white history month. I would think "Ummm...every month is white history month". I would think why don't we have Native American Month (which I later found out we do, it's just not focused on in the school system). I don't mind learning about Europe per se, but I wouldn't mind learning about the history of other people groups as well.

Anyway just sharing some thoughts...to be continue...

Winter Storm 2005...Snow if LA County?

Recently Los Angeles County has been blanketed by a heavy curtain of rain and in some areas even snow. I have received many phone calls from the hysterical to the humorous wondering if we were actually getting snow in Los Angeles. I would like state categorically and for the record that the media, for dramatic effect (who would have thought) likes to play on peoples emotions for the largest possible effect, uses the term Los Angeles to refer to not just the city, but also the county and any outlying municipalities that they could label "Los Angeles".

I don't mean to belittle any of the damage or loss of lives that has occurred as a result of this recent storm, but for the most part those things happened extremely far away from the city of Los Angeles. There was a mudslide in Ventura County and some severe flooding, but for most of LA it was just rain and a little flooding. And where I live it was just rain. I would like to repeat the City of Los Angeles didn't get any snow.

I would like to thank all of you who called for your concern. I will keep you all posted of any developments as a result of Winter Storm 2005.

Oh Baby!

For those of you who don't have the privilege of knowing him. I know a wonderful guy named Nate Towery. Under-valued and I think under-appreciated, he is known for hovering behind the scenes making sure that everything goes off without a hitch. And unlike most guys I know he is known for his affection for children, babies in particular. Nate is one of the few guys I know who actually enjoys holding and playing with babies. Most guys I know avoid them like the plague.

Well this past Monday Nate took it into his head that he wanted to give my good friends the Raceks a break and babysit their 3 wonderful children for a couple of hours on Tuesday afternoon. He called me and asked would I assist him in this endeavor. Now I would like to first state that while Nate loves the babies he doesn't have much experience with them. And of course my first reaction to his phone call was, is this guy serious? Does he really want to take on the Racek 3 as his first serious babysitting adventure? I guess he was thinking the same thing which is why he called me. Well...I have to tell you I was extremely curious as to how things were going to go. As a connoisseur of human folly I was anxious to observe what was going to happen once the Raceks left and Nate was in charge of the children. I told myself before going over there that Nate was in charge and I was only going to be assisting him. So whatever he said goes.

Well about 5 minutes into our babysitting time Nate goes...Ummm...I don't think I like children as much as I thought I did...about 10 minutes later he said ...I don't know about having children...and by the time it was over he said...I think I need to get back to adult world. Now to be fair, I don't really think Nate was aware of the difference between playing with a child when you still have a visual on his/her parents and when you take responsibility for their well being when the parents are gone. I have to admit that he held his own a lot better than I thought. Considering baby Will cried a significant portion of the time and Katie decided it was time to have diarrhea. I will admit that since I have extensive experience with the Racek children I of course lent a hand. I'm not completely heartless.

My favorite part about the entire time had to have been Nate's observations about children. He kept asking me about when he should put his foot down and what not with the kid's and I was like well it's simple...If Dawson accidentally spills some juice, no big deal. Even if it ruins the rug. But on the other hand if Dawson smacks Katie upside the head then maybe it's time for some punishment. He also made observations about how their little personalities were developing based on the neurotic behavior they observe in adults. And he was all worried that he would do something to scar them for life. I told him that kids are pretty resilient and they would be ok. He also was flipping out because I let Dawson climb on the roof of the house in their room. But as I observed to Nate. Kids need to fall on their heads every once in a while. It's good for them. Anyway. Just thought I'd bring a little reality into an otherwise crazy world. Have a good day.

Random Comments...

As some of you know I have a wonderful friend named Danielboggs (one word please). He has written the absolute funniest blog about the sock bandit. If you have any spare time please go and read it. Anyway that's it.

Oh and ice cream is good. And so is cheese. And you know what the japanese have figured out a way to bring those two wonderful things together. The ice cream brand Aya in japan has a wine and chese flavored ice cream and it is off the chain. Have a nice day. Enjoy.

More Corny Jokes

After the previous horrible riddle that we had at the Mathnasium the children realized how much I loved corny jokes and today they had a bunch to share with me and one girl even said that she found one particular very amusing. (I guess she is going to be a Mathematician). I told her I would put them on my blog so all my friends could enjoy them.

Anyway here are a few.
What did the filling say to the donut?
-It's jam packed in here!
Why is it dangerous to get your picture take?
-Because they shoot you!
What does the sun drink out of?
-Sun Glasses (get it, sunglasses! yeah I laughed 'til milk squirted out my nose too!)
and for the grand finale
What award did the Jolly Green Giant receive?
give up...the Nobel Peas Prize! HaHa! (Hold on a sec I have to wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes)...


Ok, but seriously I do love corny jokes so if you have any to share with me feel free to post them as comments on your blog or on my blog or on anybody's blog.

The Winter of Tanika

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I have recently had many-a-vister staying at my place. I felt like a regular "Holidae Inn" exept without Chingy and Snoop Dogg.

I had some good fun playing hostess to my friends visiting from both the east coast and Arizona. And even though so many people were out of town we still managed to have a large Christmas celebration at my place because so many people were visiting. I have now entered into my rest period and have taken some much needed time off to rest and recooperate. It must have been that wild crazy time I had in Vegas (sorry I can't tell anyone what I did, because as you know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas), but I think I did something to my hip because it's been hurting me recently so I'm just gonna spend the next week takin' it easy.

Some high points of my visit with my friends Sandra and Stephen were taking them around to all the ethnic food places where I like to eat. They are both adventurous eaters and put themselves completely in my hands and we had some good times and some not so good times. Especially in the middle of the night. A high point from my visit with Tomma was not only introducing here to public transportation but introducing her to Los Angeles public transportation. She actually went to a wedding on the bus. I was very proud of her. The first time she took the bus it had a detour but she stuck with it got off at a different stop and still managed to catch the bus she needed to catch and get to her appointed place on time. She is a woman after my own heart. Between everyone it felt like I went to Santa Monica a million times. I also feel like I never want to see another tourist spot again. But we had a good time together and I hope they all enjoyed themselves as much as I did.

So as I look back over the previous year I have been assessing my life and misadventures. Trying to figure out somethings I want to change and somethings I would like to stay the same. I'm not one for making New Years' Resolutions because I hate spending January 2nd and 3rd feeling bad about myself. So I just pick something I would like to focus on and deal with as each year comes. I'm still trying to figure that out, but I'm not sure where to start there are some many things I want to do this year. Places I want to go (Scotland) and people I want to see (William H. Macy). Just kidding about the latter.

There are also quite a few things I want to change namely my job. That means no more Savongirl stories and my place of residence. Those are probably the most high priority for me right now. Sorry I'm not ambitious like most. Of course I'll try to eat right and exercise more, but I'm just gonna take it one day at a time. See were life takes me. If you have any new year's rezies you wanna share feel free to post and as always...enjoy.