There's a girl named Tammy...

...she got two kids. (You've probably heard me sing this phrase) It's from a song my sister used to sing when she was going through her song writer phase. It's additive even 15 years later I still walk around singing it.

Anyway I wanted to tell you a little story, I will change it a little to protect the innocent and the not so guilty...So there is a guy who I met about 2 1/2 years ago. We worked together and I must admit I had a crush on him for the first 3 weeks we knew each other. As did most girls at my job. After about 6-7 months I finally got up the courage to ask him if he wanted to join my friends and myself for lunch. He said no, but maybe next time. I was crushed needless to say. Felt all rejected and dejected. But after a couple more weeks of my friend bugging me to ask him again I did and he said yes. We went and had lunch at a local hangout for the people at my job. We had a good time and it turned into a regular weekly thing. We got to know each other pretty well. (Yes just as friends).

Anyway he ended up leaving the job, but we have stayed friends through all that and even grew closer. Over the next year we started spending a lot of time together. Although we spent a lot of time together it didn't seem as if he viewed me as anything other than a friend. Although the more I learned about him the more interested I was. A couple of times I was really tempted to tell him how I felt, but I didn't. Finally I formed what I will refer to as the New Year's Plan. A bunch of us were getting together to celebrate the 2005 new year and he would be there. So I decided to just take a chance and go for it see what happens. Ok so I'll admit I needed a little dutch courage, but I was ready. Then the most amazing thing happened. He made the first move. Let me know he was ineterested in ME!! I mean can you believe that after all the heart ache. Then he preceded to tell me that he had been interested in me for the past year. (Imagine my shock)

Needless to say I was on cloud nine. I was telling all my friends about our new relationship. And the best part was he already knew people I knew and hung out with them so I didn't have to try to force him to hang out with my friends they were his friends. The other part I really liked was that he already knew all about me. My faults, my dysfunctional past relationships and he still liked me. At that point I got really scared. I mean I never had a relationship be as good as this was. I shared my concerns with him. Because he knew how scared I was to become vunerable again. He told me I didn't have anything to worry about. He said he would never do anything to hurt me. And since we were already good friends I felt that I could trust him. I mean he knows I've been hurt before and that I was only into having a serious relationship.

Now it's time for a little thing called fast forward. (over the next three months we had the best relationship spending time together, laughing, loving, sharing). Now it's March and I'm more into him than I ever was. Then one night I went over to his place to hang out and for some reason he was cold and distant. I'm not sure why. He kept acting weird and I finally confronted him about it because I was confused. All of a sudden he blew up at me and told me to stop crowding him and how he needed his space. I said ok I understand I'll go home. But that wasn't enough for him. He followed up with outlining all my faults to me. Needless to say the evening ended with a blazing row and I went home to cry my eyes out. I wasn't sure were it was all coming from. The last time I saw him we were cool like we always were, now this.

Fast forward -> over the next couple of weeks he kept blowing hot and cold. Finally I said hey if you don't want this relationship I'll understand we can just be friends and things can go back to the way they were. Then all of a sudden he is telling me how much he loves me and needs me, but he is going through a time where he needs to focus on himself. I'm thinking what the h*$@! Basically he needs to be selfish and doesn't want me to interfer with that unless he wants to be around me?!? Needless to say the next month after that was pretty rocky with me trying to give him space, but still wanting to be with him. But things go from bad to worse and I can tell the situation is coming to a head and it would be best if we at least stopped dating if not go our separate ways. (I hoped for the former, feared the latter)

Fast forward -> Over the next 2 months I am desparately trying to get closure and end the relationship because I realize we don't have the same goals in life (I enjoy being there for other people and he wanted to be there for himself), but I still want to be with him so it's hard. Every time I tell him that I can't see him anymore he calls or texts me telling me he still wants me in his life and things are gonna get better. And after a couple of days I wear down and go back. Then he shoves me away again. Then I finally say I can't do this anymore I want to be friends, but I can't keep going through this with you. Through the whole thing he alternates between categorizing my faults then telling me how much he needs me.

Finally after my finally attempt at sanity he calls me in the middle of the night (drunk I might add) to tell me he has made a horrible mistake and loves me and wants to be with me. So what do I do. I go back! Ugh! Then I find out he is sick. He is in the hospital and I'm there for him I shop, clean, and stay right there by his side until the worst is over. When he comes home he throws all my efforts back in my face and says he never wants to see me again...to be continued.

Stay tuned for part 2...

Now tell me seriously have any of you ever been there. Trying to get out of a relationship with someone because you realize for whatever reason it isn't going to work, but they don't want to let you go. Then finally when you give in they push you away. To me it seems like they just want the upper hand. What hind of messed up s*&$! is that? Relationships are too much for me.

Anyway as always have a good day and enjoy.