I'm going to try to paint a picture for you so bear with me. There is a guy named John, a young professional around 25 years old. He has a girlfriend, an active social life, and a good job. Recently he found out that a close member of his family is terminally ill. This affects him deeply because it is someone he has always loved and respected. Not sure how to deal with his feelings he bottles them up and attempts to go about his daily life. However he is not extremely successful and his friends and coworkers notice something is up. He briefly explains what is going on, and in an attempt to "cheer him up" his coworkers take him out for a liquid lunch/happy hour. His girlfriend plans a lot of fun activities to "take his mind off things". His friends do their best to help "get him in a better mood". Sound familiar?
The other day I was leaving my friend's apartment and I was walking past a school. I noticed some little boys at play so I decided to stop and watch for a little while. There were about 5 of them, probably about 5 or 6 years old, playing on and around a jungle gym. They were like any other little boys in the school yard running everywhere jumping, climbing, and generally engaging in horseplay. Then one fell off the top of the jungle gym. The other 4 boys descended on him like little birds. 2 were rubbing his back trying to comfort him. The other two were asking him what was wrong. When they realized it was his knee they continued to comfort him. One boy asked the hurt child what he wanted to be done. The hurt child crying said he didn't know. So 1 little boy thought for a second and then said, "If I kiss it that might make it better" So he kissed the little boy's knee and asked, "Does it feel better?" The little boy said no. But all the little boys agreed they would figure out a way to make his knee better and in the mean time they comforted him through his tears.
In both these situations the pain they felt was very real to them.
I was extremely moved by this picture of the young boys comforting their friend and helping him through a difficult time. I went home and thought about how we as adults rarely show this much compassion or sensitivity to another person's hurts. Although the first story is fictional I though it is representative of what happens in a lot of people's lives. And though I may be wrong I felt that it happens more with guys than with girls. For some reason most girls rally around their friends who are hurting. They try to comfort and deal with what is going on. Though this is not always the case. However from MY observations I notice that for a lot of guys they usually end up in the first case scenario. I actually happen to be a girl who ends up in the first case scenario so I'm definitely not making too broad a generalization. All I wanted to know is what happened in those 20 intervening years? Is it the case that our need to protect ourselves emotionally stunts our abilities to give and receive compassion? Is it emasculating for a guy to be vulnerable and real with his friends and comfort them when they are in need? Have we become so self-centered that we don't take time to listen to what is going on before we try to "fix" things, because CLEARLY we know best?
As a person who likes to be helpful I can fall into the trap of thinking if I could just do something then I will have helped and made a difference when really I should just try to be there and see what my friend actually needs. Anyway just some thoughts have a good day and as always enjoy.
I am 50% Left Brain and 50% Right Brain. Interesting...
| You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained |
 Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
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5 comments:
>> There is a guy named John, a young professional around 25 years old.
HEY! You're talking about me!
>> He has a girlfriend, an active social life...
Oh, whoops...my bad. Never mind.
:-)
Sorry to joke on a serious post, but that definitely made me laugh!
You know I picked the name John because I figured John Doe. Almost Dailey, but not quite. Yeah actually I did think of you when I typed it, but still...
And always feel free to joke on a serious post. A response is better than no response.
john dailey likes to be alone so he moved to maine where only three other people live. I also like to be alone when sad. So maybe boys generally prefer to be alone during sad times. John Dailey, why are you sad?
I guess I wasn't really talking about what guys want to do when they are sad. I guess I meant most people aren't sensitive to what a guy needs. i.e. the need to be alone. Not taken out and gotten drunk or have their problems fixed. We should be aware that guys want to be alone to solve their problem.
Anna,
Actually that was the point i was trying to make. Most people don't know what to do when someone opens up or tells them what's going on.
I guess I was just writing about positive feedback I actually saw as opposed to doing something that causes a person to close off and never what to share themselves with you.
It ties into what i was saying about some people I know. I try to be myself with them and they don't respond in a way that let's me know it's ok for me to continue my behavior so I don't want to open up again with them because I don't feel they are mature enough to handle certain aspects of life.
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