Yes, I have decided to devote one entire post to a relationship tip. But this is something that I've been thinking about for a while so now it's status has been elevated above a mere apendage.
In the true Dan Brown fashion:
FACT- No one is perfect, so thinking that if you can just do everything perfect in a relationship to make it work isn't going to work.
Recently I've had a friend who has been in a difficult relationship with his significant other. I spend a lot of time just letting him talk out his feelings because I know that's how he processes best. The thing that keeps coming up the most is that he says he has been doing everything right. Wondering, why isn't it working out? He said one of his biggest fears is that if he doesn't do everything right then there is another guy waiting to take his place and do everything "right" with his girlfriend. I have to admit I have fallen into this trap myself which is why I don't give my friend a hard time. I think that if I'm the perfect girlfriend then that should make my boyfriend happy and everything will be perfect.
Over the past couple of weeks I started listening to things that people say who are in a relationship. A common thread in all the conversations, especially those coming from people in a rocky or defunct relationship, is that at least one person felt like they did everything right and why wasn't it working. Constantly berating themselves wondering what should they have done? What did they do that wasn't quite right in the first place? Why weren't they good enough? What can they do to make the other person happy and want to be with them? Clinging to the hope that somehow there is a secret formula of actions that will make everything ok.
In the course of writing these relationship tips I've realized that there isn't some formulaic way to have a perfect relationship. And it definitely isn't being the perfect person. When expressing my frustration about finding a guy who is into the same things I'm into a wise friend told me that in relationships its also about adapting to the other person not always making sure everything about you coincides. Which of course makes perfect sense and I'm glad she pointed it out. That's one of the points I want to stress about all my tips. They are just there to help bring clarity to a situation where I feel thinking and good judgment can become clouded for whatever reasons.
I guess the reason I felt like making this tip it's own post is because it gets to me watching people beat themselves up about something that isn't their responsibility in the first place (i.e. being perfect). Seeing people value themselves by what they THINK they should be doing, then feeling like somehow they have fallen short and somehow their worth is lessened because the person they poured themselves into didn't "appreciate" all their efforts. When a relationship takes the work of both parties adapting, learning, and growing together.
Anyway as usual have a good day and enjoy.
I am 50% Left Brain and 50% Right Brain. Interesting...
| You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained |
 Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
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1 comment:
So true Anna. you are so wise. That's exactly what I think, but sometimes I'm so into someone I lose sit of that important wisdom and end up making an idiot of myself. Will explain later.
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