I just read a really wonderful post by my friend Anna that you should check out. In it she touches on some extremely superficial and trivial things that people focus on when trying to date someone else. As a person who has encountered these things I agree wholeheartedly with her. I have definitely had some guys let me know that because of my race or my religion we couldn't date. And I realized that if they really wanted to be with me then that wouldn't matter and that they cleary weren't and waiting for them to change their mind is a pointless exercise.
Because I have been interested in and dated guys of various ethnicities and religions a major area of stress for me can be whether or not he is going to me like no sorry Tanika I don't date black girls. Then I realize that if that is how they are I really shouldn't be getting hung up over them because they aren't who I want anyway, but in the beginning it's hard to be like because I'm already and emotional wreck and I shouldn't have to stress out about that as well as everything else.
This weekend I've been hanging out with some friends visiting from out of town, Lauren and Becca. And I was telling them that for some reason I get hit on a lot by Armenian and Russian guys. Which is totally fine by me. As long as they aren't pervs or anything. Well I was telling them about a couple of Armenian guys I know who only date black women. I told them that unfortunately these guys aren't going to marry these girls because it just isn't acceptable in their families. Basically they are going to marry Armenian women because it is what is expected. I feel like that is just as bad as saying hey I refuse to date someone if they aren't this race or that religion. Anyway just wanted to give my two cents on the subject, but Anna does it better.
As always have a good day and enjoy.
I am 50% Left Brain and 50% Right Brain. Interesting...
| You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained |
 Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
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3 comments:
I think I understand what's being said in these posts. I personally used to think I would only marry someone who is white. Now I'm kindof the opposite :-) But it's best for me to be open to anything, because yep, it's not really about the race. It's about the person.
Religion, however, for me, is a different story. I don't think race really indicates who you are; your religious beliefs, however, are part of how you think and see the world. For me personally, it's an integral part of everything I do, so much so that for many of the things that are important to me, if I were not in agreement on basic relgious beliefs, I would not be in agreement on much else that is important to me. And so, it pretty much means that it would be impossible for such a marriage to work out; it would be very rocky. Here's another way to put it: There are certain things in me that, to achieve any kind of intimacy, would require a mutual understanding of certain critical views and perspectives. In the absence of those agreements and understandings, there could be very little intimacy. Yet intimacy is critical in marriage; marriage is meant to be the most intimate of human relationships. So, since it's at the core of who I am, I would not be able to marry someone who differed with me on certain basic religious beliefs.
Of course, to some people, maybe that's not as important. I think it should be, but that's another discussion ;-)
Anyway, I said all that, not to necessarily disagree with anything that's been said, but to clarify that religious beliefs as a criteria isn't superficial like race might be, simply because it possibly echoes the core of who you are, whereas things like race, height, eye color, etc., don't.
Daniel,
I really appreciate what you said. And I agree with you. I guess I was thinking from a point of view where religion isn't really a major issue because one party isn't practiciing a religion at all, but are saying hey I refuse to date someone who is (for example) buddhist, just because.
Personally religion is important for me because it shapes the way I view things and how I choose to live me life. And it definitely can define how I view other people, but luckily in a positive way. I however don't think it is good as an exclusionary tool. I guess I was thinking because I find that I differ from a lot of christian guys I have been interested in on subjects that matter to me I feel that the automatic assumption that we are on the same page because we are the same religion is as erroneous as saying we'll never be on the same page if we aren't. Then creating some sort of heirarchy because somehow that person is "beneath" you, and communicating it.
But as always it's important to find someone you can be compatible with instead of pre-judging them without getting to know them. Like assuming I'm conservative just because I'm Christian.
Anna,
Thanks for the clarification. I guessed that's what you meant. It's like going I would date you if you weren't (blank), because you are really cool. Comments like that should be kept to yourself.
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