Yes, I need to be like everyone else...

Much like Donna and Anna I was intrigued by the check list and decided to fill it out myself. Feel free to do the same so I can see yours...

checklist: (must get more x's)
(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
(x) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) had alcohol
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose (or orange jello...)
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) made out in an... elevator
(x) swore at your parents...
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts.
( ) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) broken a bone
( ) been high
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
(x) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) stole something from your job
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(xx) had a crush on a teacher (Prof. Kochekian)
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
(x) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa..
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been snowboarding
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
(x) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
(x) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now

hope you enjoyed finding out what you did. Does any of it shock you. I hope so...it's all true.

Napa Getaway...

For those of you who have not yet had the pleasure this a picture of the new house where I live with the Raceks. If you look really closely you can see Dawson and Katie in the window. For the record we live in the 'burbs. Okay enough about that.

Once again I'm heading for the north of the state to visit my good friend Lauren. We will be belatedly celebrating her birthday (which was today) and enjoying the sights and sounds of Vacaville and of course the beauty of Wine Country. Unfortunately, unlike my last Napa escapade my friend Mike will not be joining in our festivities. But we hope to introduce my good friend Derek (DR) to the wonders of Napa Valley. Unbeknownst to him I will be bringing my wine bible and will be scoping out the best way to enjoy our wine..uh hmmm...I meant time. Not that Lauren doesn't have an awesome weekend planned. (I'm sure she does).

Sorry I haven't been communicado this week. There some interesting things going on, but the most interesting I'm not at liberty to speak about yet. So sad. (and no, no one new is pregnant.) I enjoyed watching the 4th of July fireworks from the top of Dawson and Katie's swingset. I sat on the very top and was able to watch the entire fireworks. It was actually pretty chilly. It's usually chilly at night in the CC. That's about all for now. No tips not toids. But as always have a good day and enjoy.

Hmmm....

Considering what next to post about. Have many thoughts jumbling around the ol' noggin'. All fighting for coherency.

But I would like to state that I think it's time for me to break out the sandals. I think that should make Shannon happy. She has been yelling at me for a month now...until clarity have a good day and enjoy.

Hat Hair, Dating Disasters, and other Important Issues...

A little tanikaisms to help us get through the day:

-Today I was walking and I noticed a guy with a very obvious toupee. It was sooooo bad it looked like a hair hat. It was the worse case of hat hair I've ever seen. I burst out laughing. It reminded me of the episode of Seinfeld where George gets a toupee much to everyone else's amusement and dismay.

-Last weekend I spent the night at a friends place and we inevitably discussed her current disastrous relationship. I'm friends with both her and her ummm...guy friend...or whatever he is and today I was walking in Barnes and Noble and I saw a book that caught my eye and as I read...it felt like I was reading a story about their relationship. It's called "Dating Disasters...And how to avoid them" by Joy Browne. Clearly my friend wasn't reading this book or maybe she wouldn't be in her current position. The book takes stories, edits out the names, and gives you interesting insight into relationship problems. She starts the book off by listing various guys out there. (Sorry that's as far as I got in the book I do have other things to do.) Some of the guys it's bad to be in a relationship (the ones I remember):

The Married Guy, The separated but still Married Guy, The Recently Divorced Guy, The Stuck Guy, The Dance Away Lover (The Game Player, The Addict, and The Manic-Depressive), The Mama's Boy...)

The guy my friend is seeing is the Dance Away Lover (there are 3 types). Joy Browne says, " He can't tolerate real intimacy because he doesn't like himself-and he fears that you won't like the "real" guy any better than he does." Because the closer you get to him the greater the risk for exposure. Closely related to Relationship Tip #11 is this guy. He'll take you away for a long weekend, then break up with you on Monday. After great sex, he'll have to go home. He needs to know that he is valuable to you, but at the same time is unable to make the same level of emotional commitment that you are, but ironically enough if he senses you pulling away he will start calling making sure you are still into him until you try to come back closer and then he pulls away again. It's like he secretly enjoys it. And the worse part is he makes it seem like it's your fault in the first place. Having you apologize for things you don't even know you did. It's crazy. Reading this chapter felt like I was rehashing my conversation from the weekend. It was nuts because that's exactly how this guy is.

-I love spicy pickles!

-It's annoying when people want you to scratch their back and they say, "Will you itch my back?" or that they have to itch their arm or something. I think, "It's already itching, isn't that the problem in the first place?" Argh!!!

-My allergies are acting childish again after 2 years on hiatus.

-Why is green so darn pretty?

-I think this lady wants to open a Mathnasium with me or something?

-It's just the Germans planning to take over I say.

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

Thoughts ...

I recently finished reading The Color Purple by Alice Walker. And as Donna points out one of the characters Shug has some interesting thoughts on the subject of God. I can't express them the same way that she does, but Shug challenges Celie's naive perceptions of the God of her mind and Celie "...Realizes that the God she needs is not the one she originally envisages. It is significant that she sees him as white and old 'like some white man work at the bank'. All the angels are white, too and she comes to realize that this God is useless to her... Her changing perceptions of God are completed by Shug Avery's unconventional interpretations of God and His purpose. Shug rejects the narrow Church and its false perceptions, preferring to have a personal religion in which God figures 'Not as a she or a he but a It.' She shares this revelation with Celie - the Gospel According to Shug - in order to worship, a person should 'lay back and just admire stuff. Be happy.' "

After reading this book I started thinking a lot about my perception of God. And when I talk to him what I'm actually picturing on the other end of the "conversation". How much do I allow my naive views shape who I think God is. Is it possible that by rendering God ineffectual in my mind I also render ineffectual my connection with him and his influence in my life?

On a similar note I've also been mildly curious about this religious fellowship that is close to Kairos. It's called Self-Realization Fellowship. There motto is a church for all religions and all cultures. Not only are it's Headquarters located in Los Angeles, I walk past this building roughly once a week and wonder about there teachings of God and their beliefs. I wonder if the teachings they have will challenge my current perceptions of God. Could I handle that challenge? Why would I want to hear things that challenge me in the first place? Lots of thoughts run through my head.

I've always enjoyed learning about other religions and others thoughts about God or whoever else people might worship. I feel that after all is said and done it's a good experience because one I've grown in my understanding and I'm able to more clearly define what I believe and why. Nothing it isn't always pleasant, but I wouldn't ever stop exploring.

It's A Boy!

As many of you know I have some interesting dreams (when I'm sleeping and awake) I dream about being kidnapped and tortured for gov't secrets. I dream of being the leading mathematician in the country. I dream in other languages and about other worlds. Then I'll have a really unusual dream. Like I'm pregnant.

For those of you who know Galimore. Back when I was in Blacksburg I used to dream I was pregnant by him about 3 times a week. It got to the point where he would act all offended if I didn't dream about him. (For the record I was never interested in him nor he in me. Usually though these dreams have no basis in the reality of me being or wanting to be pregnant. Galimore said he thinks it's me getting ready to start a new project or idea. Anyway the other night I had another dream. I sent an email to my friend about it so here are some of the excerpts:

...although I did dream I was pregnant last night. And the guy who I was pregnant by was this old grey haired Indian man (from India) who actually had a wife and adult children back in India. And no we weren't married. Mike wanted me to announce it at church, but I said you can't announce you're pregnant when you have a baby's daddy. Especially when your baby daddy already married. Mike was like "Oh!" Anyway we were trying to figure out what to name the baby and Mike was like why don't you name him after the baby daddy. So I figured his name should have been Krisnaraj, Hrithik or even Karthik you know something Indian. But it was Erek Kirkeric. I said that's not very Hindu. He said well it's my name ... I went back to the dad and he was like actually my first name Erek is short for Derek. Yeah Derek Kirkeric. Which I thought was kinda interesting. (on a side note everyone I talked to both my guy friends Eric and Derek and told them it's just a dream so I feel comfortable sharing this without it getting misunderstood, at least by them) I guess my dream was really an amalgomation of all the things I've thought about recently...

I go on to explain to my friend why I thought the name was like that. But funnily enough I was talking to my friend Derek yesterday and he said that he was asked to plan a baby shower and he had no clue what to do. I was telling him about my dream and then I was like maybe that's the new project or idea. So we sat around spitballing ideas for what to do at a baby shower and how to organize one. See easy peasy. I definitely am not trying to have children. At least not now and not by Eric, Derek, or an old Indian man (ok maybe the old Indian man. Just kidding). But I still thought it was kinda funny. Why do I have these weird dreams. Please feel free to share you weirdest dreams. I love hearing about those.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #11: (at least I think it's 11) "Why can't you stop the games and act how you feel, or at least clearly state it." This was said to me yesterday by a good friend of mine. He is in the middle of a tumultuous relationship and has been for some months. We were both saying we are sick of all the game playing that goes on in male/female relationship. I know we all want "spice" in or relationships and to keep things interesting. Also we might be seeking to protect ourselves, but please STOP THE GAMES! Along the same lines of stringing someone along there is also the game playing. It's just like my tip #1. Consistency. But this is once you are already in a relationship. Saying crazy stuff like "I already saw you this week. That's too many times, I need to hang out with my boys now!" What kinda ignorant mess is that? Making sure that you always maintain the "upper hand" in a relationship, I guess it's what some people think it is. I think it's just plain childish. Then your whole relationship turns into all these manipulative games and then you can't trust your partner anymore. How long do you think that's gonna last. Relationships shouldn't be about maintaining the upper hand. It should be about loving, laughing and sharing. Because trust me all the game playing and score keeping is gonna get old, and quick.

Exposee...

I would like to state that within this blog ME has finally revealled themselves on my blog. Deep in the inner recesses of the comments Me gives away their identity. So if you want to know who me is you have to look for yourself. Thank you me. I can't believe I didn't figure it out.

We're Here!

The Raceks and I have officially moved into our Culver City residence. So long Los Angeles. We're in the 'burbs. (or as close to the burbs as you can get). We live at the end of a cul de sac in a nice residential neighborhood. I knew we hit the 'burbs when the neighbors came over to welcome us.

The funny part is there is a kid next door (actually he is about 16) who goes to the mathnasium. So when the he and the dad came over to say hello Miles and I looked at each other and were like "Hey I know you!" Now he's gonna tell his family how I'm a mini-dictator over at the Mathnasium (just kidding I'm really very nice).

As some of you know there has been high drama in this whole California housing project. Now I'm at liberty to write my expose on the California Real Estate Market. If I had to sum up the experience in one word it would be SCANDALOUS. From beginning to end. Their has been intrigue, subterfuge, and seduction. Okay maybe not seduction, but I'm sure it's not from lack of trying. Anyway I'm resting these next few days and gathering my wits so I can make it a funny unforgettable tale, Tanika-style. Stay tuned.

Blactoid: I'm currently reading The Color Purple by Alice Walker and one of the main characters Celie is married to this guy named Mr. ______ . It was a marriage of convenience (his convenience, of course) it's set during the early 1900's and is a collection of letters written by Celie first to God and then to her sister Nettie. It's quite disturbing because of the way the women are treated throughout this novel. I guess one of the things that stuck out to me was that Celie is married to Mr. ______, but she doesn't love him, was actually forced to marry him becuase of her father. Now his Mr. ______'s mistress Shug has moved into the house and it doesn't seem to bother Celie at all. As a matter of fact she is actually very interested in and attached to Shug. She talks about how Shug is the best thing that ever happened to her.

I was just thinking about how subordinated black women were during this time period and how incredibly far they have come and what they have overcome to get to this point. Pretty amazing.

Identity Theft...

I can say with complete and utter confidence that Me and French Girl aren't one and the same. The plot thickens...Now my speculation. Is Me male or female? I will have to diligently comb all of me's comments for any sort of gender typing words. Me I agree with you, I am enjoying the tagboard very much.

A Me et French Girl: Je vais vous trouver! (I'm going to find you!)

Public Apology

Hey I just wanted to apologize for all the French on the tagboard. I sometimes forget that everyone doesn't speak French, but it looks like English to me so it's hard to explain that I never really notice. But the reason I wrote a lot of stuff in French was because I wanted to weed out the French speaking French girl and possibly me unless me and french girl are one and the same. I was also thinking if you don't speak french then you wouldn't take the time to respond to me in French unless it was really you.

I'm not exclusive and from here on out will provide translations to any languages posted on my blog that I also understand. If I can't read it then don't worry about it.

Mais, a fille francaise, je te cherche. (but to the french girl I'm looking for you.)

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Always Moisturize...

Ok so apparently I have abnormally soft skin. (Exceptions palm of hand and bottom of feet). How do I know? Because when people brush up against me and realize how soft my skin is they keep wanting to touch it. (i.e. the human resources manager at my old job, little kids, ummm...significant others (clearing throat), and the general public.

Yesterday I was working with a private tutor I have. She is an 8 year old little girl named Hanna who is extremely interesting and says some of the craziest comments that I've ever heard of. She is a little Jewish girl who currently speaks English, and Hebrew and is learning Spanish and she is obsessed with me teaching her how to speak slang. She repeats any slang-esque words she hears me say. Well a couple of weeks ago she discovered how soft my arm was when she accidently brushed up against me. Now she is always trying to stroke my cheek or touch my arm or something which really freaks me out a bit. But I know that it's just that kids are physically affectionate and don't have as many boundaries as adults so it's cool. But yesterday she kept brushing against my arm and finally I was like, "Hanna please stop and do your work." She said to me, "Tanika is there any part of your body that isn't soft?" and I said "you mean that's all hard and crusty." She was like "yeah hard and crusty." I said "yeah the bottom of my feet." She was all excited and said, "Can I touch them?" I said, "No Hanna, now get back to work!"

I guess because my skin is so dark I get "ashy" all the time. Or at least I feel ashy so I moisturize between 10-15 times a day. I don't mean to but I don't want to walk around looking like I bathed in the powder house. That's a phrase my mother used to use. "You so ashy, you looked like you bathed in a powder house." As a result. I guess my skin is soft, but that doesn't mean I want everyone to touch it. But if you are wondering how to entice that special someone may I suggest using a little moisturizer for extra dry skin. It works for me. (this is not a relationship tip)

As always have a good day and enjoy.

The Platonic Friend

One of my favorite comedians Chris Rock gives very comedic insight into relationships especially the role of the "platonic friend". Although he can be a bit crude I think he has a valid point, given some recent events that I have been privvy to. Chris Rock basically breaks it down saying that a lot of women have platonic male friends in their life who they spend a lot time with, sometimes flirt with generally treat like another woman (yeah right). A woman will down play this guy's importance to her boyfriend and tells him that he is just like her girlfriend, Pam.(although there are exceptions, it is very difficult for men and women to be platonic friends unless there are clear boundaries. See I'm not saying impossible I'm just saying that unless you now where you stand it can get messy) But the "platonic" guy friends know the truth and they are usually just biding their time until the boyfriend messes up then it goes a little something like this:

Girl: (sobbing) I can't believe Kenneth would act like this. I can't believe what he said to me, can you?
Platonic Friend: (thinking: Yeah I can, and btw thanks Ken for acting like a jerk) No, I can't. You're so wonderful how could a guy treat you like that. I know I never would.
Girl: That's why you are so awesome. You are so in tune to my needs, unlike Ken. It's just that we've been together so long I know it's probably just stress and he'll get over it.
Platonic friend: (thinking: I hope not) Maybe. Are you happy right now? I mean look at how things are going. You should be taking better care of yourself...
(And you can take out the sobbing, replace girl with guy and trust me the situation would pretty much be the same just flipped)

And you can figure out where that conversation is going. See platonic friend is too smart. He will never actually bad mouth Ken, but he knows Ken is making fatal errors and he isn't about to say anything that is going to help Ken out.

I have a friend who recently has been put into the position of "platonic friend". He wasn't thinking about Keisha, at least not in that way. I mean Keisha is a great girl and all but she has been dating Robert for a while and my friend realized that things weren't going to happen so... Just chill out and have a good time. Keisha's good company no problem right? Then Rob started acting like a fool and Keisha and my friend started spending more and more time together. I think we've all been in this situation before. Whether we were Keisha, Rob, or my friend. Where a relationship isn't going that well and you realize that there are actually other people out there who treat you with respect and diginity. Are sensitive to your needs and actually cares about the things you care about, unlike your signifcant other. Which isn't a bad thing. If you are in a realtionship where you aren't being treated well then maybe it's time to get out. Not because you should be with a particular someone else, but just because you shouldn't have to put up with that. The only downside to the platonic friend in this scenario is that sometimes the situation doesn't go like it does above. Girl doesn't break up with boyfriend and end up with platonic friend. Unlike Rock's scenario even though the girl starts to see the platonic friend in a different light she doesn't break up with the boyfriend. That goes a little something like this:

Girl: I love spending time with you and I really like you a lot, but Ken needs me right now.
Platonic Friend: (thinking: no he doesn't, he needs to be shot) Well what does that mean, that you aren't interested in me?
Girl: No that's not it. It's just that, it isn't a good time for Ken and I to break up.
Platonic Friend:(thinking: yeah you should have broken up 5 months ago) I see, so then where does that leave us? Just buds hanging out...

Then you can end up in what I like to call the Matt/Kelly scenario. Kelly is dating Chris. Chris is a total jerk. (and no, not all women like jerks). So Kelly starts hanging out with Matt. Has a good time. Does most things boyfriend and girlfriends do. Matt waits for Kelly to break up with Chris. Kelly doesn't. Kelly thinks Chris is misunderstood and just needs her to be there for him. Matt is still watiting for Kelly to break up with Chris. (Maybe not anymore this was a year and a half ago).

So you are faced with a couple choices. Ride Kelly's whip, indefinitely or say hey Kelly since things aren't going anywhere we can't keep chillin' like this. It's too difficult for me to watch you waste your time of Chris. Even if we don't get togther you gotta drop Chris like 3rd period French. Or you can tell Kelly, "Hey, I'm out I don't have time for love triangles, quadrilaterals or tetrahedrons. The only problem is that most of the time you would rather just stay platonic friends so you can at least still see them. It's most annoying and confusing. The truth of the matter is that it's not cool to "ride someone's whip" so if you can get out then get out.

So I guess what I'm saying is. Girls and guys can't be just friends. You can act like you are just friends, but every once in a while a thought will cross one of your minds and either you will get together, stop chillin', mess up another person's relationship or just ignore it. Feel free to share your thoughts.

As always have a good day and enjoy. (If you dare).

I give up, Everyone is better than me...

I have been really enjoying reading recent posts by all my fellow bloggers. You should check some of them out they are over there on the right near the bottom. (yes, I know it's a lot of work to scroll down, get over it.)

I was reading a really interesting post by the wonderful, lovely Lauren about relationships both romantic and platonic. She was saying that sometimes the relationships that we "fall into easily" are actually the most difficult ones to maintain because we may not have taken the time to really get to know the person. She also did clarify saying that many relationships die away for various reasons not just because they were whirlwind. She blames the media in her post, which I'm always a huge advocate of doing.

I thought about what she meant and I know that in this instance that I think I have traumatized my other friends with relationships I've had with totally different people. For example, they will see me become really "good friends" with someone. Spend every waking moment with that person and then all of a sudden I'm not with that person any more. Not because they aren't cool, but because for me it was just a phase I was going through and it usually happens with people like I am.

(Before I tell this story I would like to clarify that I'm straight. And you could replace the name of Shannon with the name of certain guys I know and it would be the same) I call it "falling in love with people" I am very choosy about who I fall in love with, but when I do I can't be with them enough (to a point). For example when I first moved to LA I met this girl named Shannon. We were coworkers and some how or other I realized that she was into books and movies as much as I was and I found that our interests coincided on a lot of mutual subjects. We started spending pretty much every waking moment together. We worked together, ate together, went out together, and pretty much did everything together. I wanted to know everything about her and I was pretty much into learning everything about her. Then after a while I realized ok I'm done now, but she isn't that type of person. I had pretty much gotten over the first "crush" phase I have with people and realized that in order to maintain a friendship we had to do more than just read and eat together. We had to share and live our lives together. So to speak. Now we are good friends because we both realized that our relationship was worth working on and getting deeper.

I was bored this morning and was looking at this weird guys site and decided to take a personality test. Argh!! I'm fairly predictable.

Your #1 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Your #2 Match: ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done.You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings.Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you.Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy. You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

Your #3 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #4 Match: INTJ

The Scientist You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you. You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer.

Your #5 Match: ESFJ

The Caregiver You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people. You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Now that's interesting...

Throughout the year at Kairos we have been discussing groups both domestic and international that have been socially, economically or politically marginalized by their government or other governments. For the most part I think in hopes of raising awareness of what is actually going on in the world which sadly I feel most Americans are unaware of and also to see possible roles we can play in positively impacting these situations.

I read a really cool post by Donna about the role Amnesty International plays in raising awareness of human rights injustices around the globe. She points out that they have recently gotten some flack about their 2005 report because of some of their terminology which might have left something to be desired. But as she later stated maybe they could have had better word choice, but the fact of the matter is they are effective.

I guess this mainly jumped out at me because between talks at Kairos and Donna's post. I started realizing how insular my thinking about national/international injustices had become and how unaware I am of what is really happening in the world and thinking of ways I can effect change.

Ethnictoid(not quite black): I was riding in the car with my friend Christeen, who is german, yesterday and I was telling her a little anecdote from work that day about how this little boy and I were discussing how women of various ethnic groups express their displeasure in the younger generations. Then we moved on to stereotypes of groups in general and why they are the way they are. For example I was telling her that sometimes I feel that the large part of the black population can be excessively critical of other black people which I have mentioned in previous blactoids. This led to us talking about how I think most people feeling their ethnicity is part of their identity, but Christeen was saying that she feels that a lot of white people in this country don't. They just think of themselves as such and such who has these qualities. And speaking as a black person I know I feel like being black is very much so a part of my identity. I can only speak from my own perspective, but I could kinda see what she meant based on the conversations I've had with my friends of varying ethnicities. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Deserve...

de·serve (d-zûrv) v. tr. To be worthy of; merit

"I deserve more than you can give me."

"I don't deserve to be treated this way!"

"You deserve a promotion after all the hard work you have done."

"I deserve to live without fear."

"I deserve a decent place to stay!"

"I deserve to be able to do whatever I want!"

"I deserve equal treatment and equal pay!"

"I deserve the right to live!"

"It sounded old. Deserve. Old, tired and beaten to death...he was always saying or thinking he didn't deserve some bad luck or some bad treatment from others...Apparently he thought he deserved only to be loved-from a distance, though-and given what he wanted....Maybe all he was really saying was: I am not responsible for your pain; share your happiness with me but not your unhappiness." -Milkman "Song of Solomon"

I think that sometimes it's easy to get confused between what we think we deserve and what we actually deserve. I've been reading Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison and as I near the end of it I watch the character Milkman and his views about how he thinks his life should be and what he deserves. Then I look at my life and think about what I THINK I deserve. In the things we truly deserve there is a truth and a rightness that can't be denied when it hasn't been attained. It's that same thing that keeps us trying. And then I realize where the real cause of my frustration comes from. It isn't from not getting what I actually deserve. It's about not getting the things I think I deserve. When I look deep into my reasons and my logic I realize how unjustified they are, how selfish they can be, and how they can consume my thoughts with their superficiality, I'm sometimes shocked. Then when I do get something I don't deserve how I can be sooo self-righteous, like it should have been mine in the first place completely missing the fact that is was a gift and unearned and unmeritted.

What do you deserve?

Tanika's Relationship Tip#11: Suprising the other person with thoughtfulness. In any relationship (friendship or romantic) sometimes it's easy to get bogged (*small chuckle* sorry Daniel) down with the mundane things of everyday life. That's why I think it's important to think about the little things that make the other person happy and when possible and within reason, surprising your significant other with small acts of kindness that bring joy to them and to you. Like opening the door to the UPS man and getting a package and not realizing it's for you because it isn't your birthday yet and it's not Christmas and opening and seeing one of your most favoritest things in the whole wide world inside. I guess it's really about thinking about the other person and not just focusing on what yourself and what you can get out of the relationship, but how you can appreciate the other person. Or instead of going to KFC and saying "I'm sure you'll find something you can eat." knowing they are a vegetarian you could try that new Vegan restaurant up the street (As long as it wouldn't annoy you or anything, and even if it does get over it). And whatever it is should be something that feels natural and comfortable to you as well otherwise it will seem like some sort of chore and it really isn't because it's you just trying to make some else feel better and at the same time nuture the relationship you have together.

Toodles for now and as always have a good day and enjoy.

Cowboy Troy and Other Atrocities

The other day my friend Fred (change the name to protect the guilty) asked me if I had heard of this new guy on the scene Cowboy Troy. I guess he mixes hip-hop/rap with country music. Fred says "Hick-hop" will be the new craze. Somehow I doubt it. It's almost scary really. You should check out his "I play chicken with the train" video. It's so scary it's unreal. It's like this weird amalgamation of a typical black man's video and a country video (and yes there are midgets!)

Moving on, my good friend Brooke posted a wonderful entry that I absolutely loved and that leads me to something that has been pressing on my mind over the past couple of weeks as L.A. moves into another blazingly hot summer. As the temperatures rise people seek ways to "Beat the Heat". Whether it's losing the shirt for guys, or wearing skimpy clothes for the ladies, people will do anything to try to stay cool in this weather or enjoy it whatever the case may be, even if it isnt' socially acceptable.

As I have travelled to various parts of the city I have been accosted (visually at least) by many a faux pas as a result of people not knowing how to appropriately enjoy the weather. So here I have compiled yet again another list of LA do's and dont's (The Summer Edition) :

(Most important rule in my african american opinion)
Do: Get out there, go to the beach and get some sun wearing the appropriate level of spf. (Nothing wrong with that)

Don't: Walk around looking like THE red lobster after you told your worried african american friend a trite phrase like "I don't burn" or "All my burn turns to tan" We can't take it.

Do: (Ladies and Gents) Wear summer appropriate footwear that help keep you cool and (ladies) show off that cute pedicure.

Don't: Wear sandals or flip flops if your feet are so jacked up it looks like your toes are throwing gang signs. (exception old people with arthritis; and I'm gonna need a note)

Do: Wear clothes that are cool and comfortable for your SIZE and BODY type. (Hey just because you a little thick doesn't been you can't stay cool)

Don't: Wear belly shirts if you KNOW you shouldn't be, (goodness) walking around threatening indecent exposure charges. Or wear a spousal corrector (you know what I mean) tee-shirt if you weigh less than 100 pounds. Just not gonna work. And remember bermuda shorts and pedal pushers are making a comeback and for better or worse so are culottes (eww!)


That's all I have for now. Please feel free to contribute your personal opinions. And remember in LA fashion knows no temperature.

Tanika's Relationsship Tip #10: In keeping with atrocities I guess my tip should deal with that right? A friend of mine told me this past week that it's important to communicate with the person you are dating or married to. She is recently engaged and we were having a discussion about being open and communicating with your significant other. I told her that sometimes I don't feel like talking and that I would be better off with someone like me. But the truth is I don't like that about me. I want to be able to talk and share with the person that I will spend my life with. If I can't then how can I expect the relationship to work? It goes back to the tip I gave about being true to who you are. Because if you aren't then your whole relationship is built on a lie and ultimately won't work. Being open with the person I'm with is the only way they can truly get to know me and it's the only real way to stay true to myself and vice versa. My friend Daniel made a comment about marriage being the most intimate relationship two people can have. And in the hope that the relationship you are in is moving in that direction it makes sense that you want to nuture your relationship so that it will be strong and functioning. I always think when I meet the right person I'll be able to be open and honest and communicate freely with them, but the truth is that if I find that impossible to do now there is no way I will be able to to it when it really matters. The real atrocity would be to keep yourself hidden or closed off from the person that you are in a relationshipo with.

Shaw's take on things

I have to admit that I don't enjoy watching most of the shows that come on television these days, although there are some exceptions. None of them, however, are aired on the WB especially shows like Gilmore Girls or Beauty and the Geek. But Sunday I found myself watching the season finale of One Tree Hill (a good friend of mine watches it so...) Anyway I was watching the show and I don't know much about the characters but they had to write and end of the year paper about their opinion of a quote by George Bernard Shaw.

"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."

I sorta got stuck thinking about this quote and not really focusing on the show. (Sorry person who I was watching the show with). But I did keep a small eye on what various people were saying. One character referred to Shaw as a punk. Another said he didn't know what he was talking about. Most of them agreed with the first part of his statement. That a tragedy of life is to lose your heart' desire and they elaborated on what THAT really meant. But it seemed to be pretty uniform that it can't possibly be a tragedy to gain your heart's desire no matter what.

But as Anna pointed out in a comment to my last post. Sometimes what a heart desire's might not be the best thing for us. I'm currently reading Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison and one of the characters Hagar is in love with her cousin Milkman and has been dating him for the past 12 years. Suddenly Milkman realizes he doesn't want to be with her. She is tramatized by this and realizes that if she can't live in this world with Milkman then she would rather kill him than see him with anyone else. So once a month she stalks him and tries to kill him. But the truth of the matter is that throughout the course of there relationship Milkman has just been using her anyway. He doesn't love or care about her. So the irony of it all is that what she wants most in this world doesn't want her and is definitely not good for her.

I thought about this and realized that sometimes I can be a lot like Hagar. I'll get what I thought I always wanted, but in reality it will be tearing me apart inside and out. Then I will be devastated when I can't have it anymore when in reality I never should have had it in the first place. Feel free to share your thoughts on this subject.

Blactoid: A quote found before the beginning of Song of Solomon is "The fathers may soar and the children may know their names". This is one of my favorite quotes. Not just because it sounds good but because of it's deeper meaning. Morrison traces back to the flying myth of black men. She is referring to our forefathers who flew from slavery. A lot of blacks after slavery ended had to register themselves with the government. Most couldn't read or write. So a lot of family names were lost and they were forced to keep names given to them by slave owners. Some people felt this naming kept them further in bondage. I think that when they were able to name themselves and give identity to both themselves and their children it was a liberating experience and the children would be aware of where they came from.

Anyhoo as always have a good day and as always enjoy.

Unrealistic Expectations

You know I've always thought of myself as someone who has realistic expectations in events and people. I try not to get my hopes up all high so I won't get disappointed. As a matter of fact I underexpect most of the time. Not sure if it's just a defense mechanism or a life of disappointing events and conditioning, but still...

And even being the realistic optimist I prefer to believe I am I feel crushed by the weight of my own desires and dreams unfulfilled. *sigh* Goodness this isn't very Tanika-esque is it. But anyway just wanted to vent for a bit before I head off to work. Everyone have a good day as always and enjoy.

Maybe she should be writing the tips...

I just read a really wonderful post by my friend Anna that you should check out. In it she touches on some extremely superficial and trivial things that people focus on when trying to date someone else. As a person who has encountered these things I agree wholeheartedly with her. I have definitely had some guys let me know that because of my race or my religion we couldn't date. And I realized that if they really wanted to be with me then that wouldn't matter and that they cleary weren't and waiting for them to change their mind is a pointless exercise.

Because I have been interested in and dated guys of various ethnicities and religions a major area of stress for me can be whether or not he is going to me like no sorry Tanika I don't date black girls. Then I realize that if that is how they are I really shouldn't be getting hung up over them because they aren't who I want anyway, but in the beginning it's hard to be like because I'm already and emotional wreck and I shouldn't have to stress out about that as well as everything else.

This weekend I've been hanging out with some friends visiting from out of town, Lauren and Becca. And I was telling them that for some reason I get hit on a lot by Armenian and Russian guys. Which is totally fine by me. As long as they aren't pervs or anything. Well I was telling them about a couple of Armenian guys I know who only date black women. I told them that unfortunately these guys aren't going to marry these girls because it just isn't acceptable in their families. Basically they are going to marry Armenian women because it is what is expected. I feel like that is just as bad as saying hey I refuse to date someone if they aren't this race or that religion. Anyway just wanted to give my two cents on the subject, but Anna does it better.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

It's a Celebration...

That's right! Today actaully about 26 years and 2 hours ago technically because I was born in chicago, the world was graced with my presence for the first time. But that's ok becuase, "It's a Celebration..." -Dave Chappelle as Rick James (this link is PG-13 please look at it with extreme caution).

I wanted to write something witty and funny on my birthday, but I can't think of anything. Generally speaking whenever I'm trying to be serious everyone thinks I'm being funny, but when I'm trying to be funny no one ever gets it. I think it's because what I think is funny and what other people think is funny only coincide 1/3 of the time. But anyway happy birthday to all the people out there with the fortune to celebrate this wonderful day with me.

Btw-the Chappelle Show Season 2 comes out on DVD tomorrow and it wouldn't go amiss as a birthday gift. Just thought I'd toss that out there.

I had a really good weekend. I saw Crash on Saturday(loved it!) and I will be writing a review just not today. Later that evening I had a dessert party I think Lisa took pictures. Then yesterday I went to Beni Hana's with my friend and we ate until you had to roll us out of there. Then I got my first taste of mild publicity in LA. I was on channel 4 news (local nbc) commenting on the how hot it was as I roasted in the Valley. All in all a very cool weekend. Left me with the exhaustion, but that was ok. Today it's back to work as usual with a few special treats here and there.

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

A Taboo Topic (for me anyway)

I was contemplating the mystery that is Tanika these past two days concerning a particular area of my life. And I realized a few (good/bad) things about myself. (Besides the things that are glaringly obvious)

I live with my good friends the Raceks and they have 3 cool kids Dawson, Katie, and B. Will. I also work with children at the Mathnasium and also as a private tutor. Needless to say I spend about 90% of my time with children. Besides being incredibly interesting and fun to be around children ,in general, are physically affectionate. And they definately don't understand physical boundaries or personal space.

For those of you who know me this is a particularly sensitive subject because I'm not a touchy, feely person. There are reasons for this, which I will discuss here briefly. First, when I was younger I had my personal space physically violated by someone else and I had no control over this, which both angered me, frustrated me, and ultimately left me not wanting a lot of personal contact. Then in some of my earlier attempts to physically reach out to people (of the opposite sex) I again had a violation of that space. As I got older I realized that I really needed to trust a person to be physically close to them (regardless of their sex). But alas trust is an area of life that doesn't come easy to me. Then when I would try to explain myself to people some would think I was joking and overstep boundaries I had, which basically traumatized me.

But children don't understand all that, nor do I expect them to. I also feel that it is important for children to be able to express themselves emotionally since it is very difficult for them to do it verbally. So over the course of these past few months I've been getting a lot of hugs, kisses, and general affection , from children and sometimes adults, which at first seemed overwhelming, but now I'm getting used to and I also realized that in some cases I actually enjoy. Yes, there I said it. I enjoy SOME hugs. I realized that kids just like adults have reasons for expressing affection. When they like someonesometimes they want to give you a hug, or a kiss on the cheek. Maybe even play with your hair. But sometimes they want to manipulate you emotionally so they can get something they want. I found this out mostly at the mathnasium with older children. They would give me hugs and wanna hang all over me (which I don't let them do. Mathnasium policy) then turn around and say "Hey can I get a dollar?"

I guess ultimately I feel uncomfortable with physical affection from people who either clearly are self motivated and don't have my best interests at heart, are trying manipulate me, or have unclear motives for why they are being that way (or I just don't trust them). But I realized that when a person just genuinely likes me and wants to physically express it then I actually want to return that affection. Now don't get me wrong I still need time to get used to it, but before everyone was just lumped together in my mind and I just didn't want anyone to touch me at all. I mostly just tolerated it.

But the irony of it all is that somewhere in the back of my mind I'm doubting that a person atually has genuine affection for me, which is why I get all weirded out in the first place. How's that for a twisted thread? Anyway just wanted to share.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Confessions...

I have a confession I feel compelled to make, but I don't want too many people know what I did unless they really want to know.

Recemment, j'ai trouve que je peux voir le IP address, recherche, et reference de la page de les gens qui visitent mon blog. Depuis lors, je suis hante avec trouver qui visiter mon blog. Hier soir, j'etais eveiller jusque a 11:30 recherche l'internet pour les gens. Recherche blogs et homepages. Bien sur, il est tres pathetique. Peut etre, je suis un blog stalker. Je ne sais pas. J'ai besoin d'aide.

Comme toujours ayez une bonne journee et appreciez.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #9

Back by popular demand (i.e. one person asked what happened to my relationship tips), here is my next hot relationship tip (sarcasm). Pretty simple, pretty basic.

In a place like the United States where individualism is highly regarded you would THINK that this wouldn't be a problem, but upon closer inspection and reflection I have noticed this to be the case for a number of couples. Closely tied to my previous tip, #9 is not trying to change who you are, your personality or behavior, into something that isn't true to your beliefs or values in order to have or continue a romantic relationship. (or friendship)

Now don't get me wrong there are a few things I'm not trying to say here. First I'm not saying that if you are in a relationship with someone and you don't see "eye to eye" on a subject that you shouldn't work out something that is mutually beneficial because ideally that is what you want to do. I'm also not saying that if you realize that you and your partner don't have the same goals in life everything is automatically over. But if you aren't dating that person yet then maybe you should take some time to be friends with them get to know them a little better and then see if that person really is the right one for you. Or if you are already in a relationship maybe it would be a good time for you to reassess your priorities, because maybe it isn't as much of an issue as it once was. I'm also not saying you should be so strong and stubborn that if something is important to you that you should cling to it so tightly that you might ruin a wonderful relationship, but try to keep proper perspective on what is important to both you and your partner. Now after all that what AM I saying....

I'm saying that if you change who you represent yourself to be from what you are essentially, trying to be someone you aren't so that people will be interested in you, then it's only a matter of time until the real you, the regular old you starts slipping through the cracks. Shocking and sometimes traumatizing the person you are interested in. I guess I see a lot of people who try to make a better NEW and IMPROVED version of themselves that they present to other people because they feel that who they really are isn't good enough to love or be appreciated. Or maybe the way they desire to be loved and appreciated. I admit that my "interests" have varied depending on who I was interested in. But it was only a matter of time before I had to admit that Backgammon really isn't that interesting to me. I only like getting dressed up once in a while, not acting like I have an endless supply of "cute" clothes (which in actual fact I borrow from my friends). And although I enjoy dancing, I hate clubbing. I really enjoy having a glass of wine or a cocktail, but I really can't stand getting drunk out of my mind to "have a good time". But these are all things that I have done (except the backgammon) in order to try and maintain a relationship, but ultimately Tanika came back up and was like this isn't me and I'm not happy.

But let's get real. Most of us want to change those character flaws we THINK other people see in us in hopes that it will make us more likeable. Just recently a guy friend of mine asked me to be honest with him and tell him what things about him are undesirable characteristics. I guess he wanted to work on them or something. And in all honesty I couldn't tell him because I like him the way he is, as a matter of fact the more I learn about him the more his estimation goes up in MY eyes. (THAT'S RIGHT I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS SO THERE! And no this isn't an internet proposition.) Maybe he is a little rough around the edges, but after hanging out with some girlfriends a couple of weeks ago I found out just like me, they like guys who are rough around the edges, you know not quite smooth. To that guy I say, "Hey you're ok with me don't change a thing, and quit trippin'." But I'm not every girl and neither are my friends so you should probably ask the girl your interested in. And for the record all the guys I have liked have been rough around the edges. It was the quirky bits that made me more interested in them. I would like to state for the record that there isn't anything wrong with trying to make yourself a better person, but check your reasons because if they are really superficial it will get to you after a while. It's a difficult process figuring out who you are and your identity and what is important to you and what actually makes you happy. Don't throw that out the window for something that probably won't last anyway because it's based on the lie that you are someone you really aren't.

I hope this tip was helpful. Like I always say this is not a formula or something we always need to take each relationship as the individual thing it is and try to figure out what is best for your and your partner. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Hate it or Love it

Ugh!!!...the bad music monster strikes again. Like most of you out there I'm sure you have songs that you can't stand, but for some reason those are the songs you know all the lyrics to. As a connoisseur of fine music I like to believe that I enjoy music because it's creative or original or has some redeeming quality besides the fact that it's popular. Then another catchy song comes along and knocks me off my high horse.

Like a year or so ago Twista, Kanye, and Jamie Foxx got me with "Slow Jamz" It wasn't because of the sample from a song I like, or the catchy hook. It was that line that goes, "She gotta light skinned friend look like Micheal Jackson, She gotta dark skinned friend look like Micheal Jackson". Torturers! Then Li'l Jon got me twice with that stupid "Get Low" song which is absolutely horrible, but "From the window to the wall!" got me. I guess I can't blame him from getting me with Usher and Ludacris because Usher does have talent so I'll excuse "Yeah" and "Lovers and Friends".

But the most recent catastrophe involves 50 Cent who I vowed I would never deliberately listen to. I was over at a friends place a couple of weeks ago and one of the guys brought the new "The Game" cd and played it for us. The song is by The Game featuring 50 Cent. And the way 50 cent mumbles in the chorus you sit there trying to figure out what he said, "Mmmm mmm hmmmm mmm mmm hmmm on top, mmmm hmmmm mmmmm heart stop" I mean it was torture. Then I was listening to Yahoo music launch and it came again and of course I listened to it a couple of times going what is he saying. Unfortunately by the time I realized I could just look up the lyrics it was too late. Hate it or Love it. (check out the video see if you love it or hate it)

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

Vegas Stories and Some Pictures...

O.k. on to Vegas post #2. I posted some pictures on my other site (graciously provided by Mimi). So if you want to see some wild crazy fun check it out (sarcasm).

Now I would like to share with you some of my favorite Vegas Stories / Moments:

The Bus:
Now as most of you know I don't have a car so I bus it a lot. And I have a policy that if the bus goes there then so do I, but I do have limits. Apparently Vegas isn't one of them. Although there were several alternatives I made my way (slowly) to Vegas on the Greyhound bus. It gave me a good opportunity to really get to know my bus neighbor. Then once I got there I took Las Vegas Transportation to meet my friends at the hotel. I'm also proud to say we used public transportation the entire time to make trips up and down the strip easier. I mean get real, I wasn't trying to use up all my energy trying to get from the Luxor to the Sahara.

Fendi Story:
If you've read any comments you might have seen some references to the Fendi story. Well much like L.A. Vegas has a lot of upscale stories like Prada or D&G and of course that includes Fendi. Well one night a couple of the girls went into the Fendi store to have a look around, but Mimi who had been having some problems with her knee wanted to sit down and rest for a bit. She noticed a couch across the room, but KCK pointed out that there was a couch on the side of the room near them. Mimi looks, but doesn't see the couch. KCK keeps pointing and saying it's right there. Mimi looks closely still not seeing the couch. That's when KCK notices her own reflection in the mirror. She realized that she was actually looking in a mirror and the couch she was pointing to was the one on the other side of the room. (I'm wiping a tear from my eye as I speak).

"We're happy not drunk!":
As you know Vegas is the city that never sleeps so we decided to take after that tradition and pull an all nighter Vegas Style. So 3 of us were in the casino at maybe 3 or 4 in the morning can't remember. For those of you who don't know, Vegas is the home of the cheap cocktail and in the case of casinos drinks are actually free. A cocktail waitress comes around and offers you drinks. The only deal is you're supposed to tip her. The trick is to get you drunk and keep you gambling and while you are drunk and on a winning streak you tip better. And usually people who are loud and rowdy and laughing are on a winning streak. Well Mimi, KCK, and I were on a HUGE losing streak, but it finally got to us how funny it was and we were trying to switch the money from machine to machine I barely remember why we were, but we were laughing and gambling and generally being loud and rowdy like we were drunk and on a winning streak when actually we hadn't been drinking and had pretty much lost all the money. The waitress comes up and says "Cocktail?" we all calm down instantly say "No" in a normal voice. She looks at us, makes a funny face, and walks away. And we burst out laughing again and continue to laugh and gamble. See you can have fun in Vegas without drinking and winning. You just have to be all tweaked out at 3 am.

Sorry if you wanted some really scandizzle moments, but as you know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas so I can't share those. I will however delicately hint upon request.

Cool Moments:
-The woman who was trying to look cute "jogging" up and down the strip in Las Vegas heat.
-All of us needing to sit down in every store we came to because we needed to rest our weary bones every 15 minutes.
-Trying to spend food comp money at 4 am buying iced tea, ice cream, and hot cocoa (sorry Mimi I meant chocolate)
-Mimi trying to convince herself to go to the top of the Stratosphere, even though she was terrified.
-Dancing at Ethel M's to get free chocolate samples.
-Mimi's reaction to seeing a living statue for the first time (you know the ones who are at 3rd street)
-The girls trying to figure out the movement of our center of gravity in the inclinator.
-Getting hit on by Armenian guys
-Any other girl getting hit on by a guy and then blowing him off.
-Mimi getting pulled on stage at the Blue Man Group show.
-The girls realizing that our recovery time had definitely lengthened since college.
-Hating on people as we people watched.
-Anna turning into a photography expert a Cesar's Palace (You were pretty good too)
-Anna being hopped up on Nyquil the entire trip
-KCK making those KCK comments that everyone loves.
-Pemma just being crazy and silly
-Laughing at the guy who couldn't get into the Wynn because he didn't have sleeves.

O Danny Boy

My friend Daniel recently posted a story about a bust they did on a meth lab near his apartment. Now of course with all the tweakers in L.A. that doesn't seem all that strange. I mean who doesn't live near a meth lab? (jk) but seriously in the wilds of Virginia Beach were he lives it was scandizzle.

My favorite part is that he got interviewed for his reaction to what happened. You should check out the clip. (Especially if you are curious about what he looks and sound like; Sorry to put your gov't business in the streets like that Daniel, but since you won't visit CA this is the only way my friends will get to see you)

Vegasisms the Quotes...

Yes I'm back from my wild trip to Vegas. I spent a lot of time wondering if I would actually write anything about the trip. I mean who really wants to know the kinds of things that went on in Vegas ? But to appease myself I have decided to do 3 Vegas posts. Why three you ask. Well as I learned from School House Rock, "3 is a magic number." This post is devoted to some crazy quotes/conversations. I'll be more than happy to explain the situations upon request. (Sorry Lauren I know that I usually have 2 fold things) I would also like to say I had the best time with my friends. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I think I lost about 50 lbs. from all the laughing and walking we did. Too bad I gained 60 from all the eating.

Quotes:
-"You remind me of a drunk Japanese man!"

-"Oooooh, Jon Secada's here!" another along those lines "I didn't know Engelbert Humperdinck was here."

-"Hello housekeeping, yeah this is room 14256, we have a solid waste problem in the bathroom...yeah it's plugged up!"

-"If you dance, I'll give you some chocalate" everyone immediately starts dancing.

-"It's ok we're in vegas!" and "But what is the VEGAS time?"

-"I'm gonna drink some Nyquil to help me stay awake."

-"Go outside at night?!? Are you crazy? We're in Vegas!"

and three of my favorite conversations

Me: So where are you goin' tonight?
F: To the R-A.
Me:The R-A. You mean like the resident advisor in a dorm?
F:That's just what the club name is called.
Me: Wait a minute you're staying at the Luxor right?
F: Yeah.
Me:Do you mean Ra as in the Egyptian sun god?
F: Oh Ra! (to everyone else) Hey you guys the club is named Ra.


at 4 a.m. at the Pyramid Cafe: (remember it's 4 am and I've been awake all night)
B:What is the difference between a shake and a malt?
R: A Malt has malt powder in it.
Me:No it doesn't it has this stuff in it. (Making weird "powdery" hand gesture but continuing)
You know that stuff. What's it called? You know that powdery stuff.
R: You mean malt powder?
Me: Yeah malt powder that's it!

In the elevator going to our room at 3 a.m. 2 drunk guys and an older couple. Older couple clearly uncomfortable. (I blanked out the word for sensitive eyes. I'll tell upon request.)
Drunk guys talking: Yeah man we are going to see some ______ at 9 o'clock in the morning.
Drunk guy on phone: Make sure you are ready to go because at 9 we are going to see ______
Other drunk guy: (To me) We are going to see ______ in the morning. (I nod my head) Do you wanna see _____?
Me: (Contemplating a sarcastic comment) No thanks.
(My friends and I are trying to discretely laugh, but I wasn't as successful)
Drunk guys continue inane conversation about _______.
Drunk guy on the phone: Hey where is Mark? We have to make sure Mark knows what is going on.
Other drunk guy: (To me) Do you know Mark?
Me: No.
Drunk guy on the phone to other girls: Do you know where Mark is?
Girls: No.
Other drunk guy: Why are you lying to us?
Drunk guy on the phone: (to person on the phone)They are lying, they say they don't know who Mark is.
I burst out laughing at this point.
On the point of leaving the elevator the other drunk guy turns back and say "9 o'clock _____!"

We laughed so hard about that one. Drunk people are crazy. Anyway that's it for now. Hopefully be able to show you some pictures. We'll see I didn't take any so I must depend on the kindness of my friends. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Wilin' Out...

Although there are plenty of times when I don't post for days (weeks) at a time. This time it is legitimate. I will be spending the next couple of days wilin' out in Las Vegas in case you didn't know. I will be writing a tell all post when I get back. I know I know. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but I also have a saying...If I don't do it outside of Vegas I sure ain't doing inside of Vegas.

So have a good weekend everyone and happy Cinco de Mayo.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #8

Yes, I have decided to devote one entire post to a relationship tip. But this is something that I've been thinking about for a while so now it's status has been elevated above a mere apendage.

In the true Dan Brown fashion:
FACT- No one is perfect, so thinking that if you can just do everything perfect in a relationship to make it work isn't going to work.

Recently I've had a friend who has been in a difficult relationship with his significant other. I spend a lot of time just letting him talk out his feelings because I know that's how he processes best. The thing that keeps coming up the most is that he says he has been doing everything right. Wondering, why isn't it working out? He said one of his biggest fears is that if he doesn't do everything right then there is another guy waiting to take his place and do everything "right" with his girlfriend. I have to admit I have fallen into this trap myself which is why I don't give my friend a hard time. I think that if I'm the perfect girlfriend then that should make my boyfriend happy and everything will be perfect.

Over the past couple of weeks I started listening to things that people say who are in a relationship. A common thread in all the conversations, especially those coming from people in a rocky or defunct relationship, is that at least one person felt like they did everything right and why wasn't it working. Constantly berating themselves wondering what should they have done? What did they do that wasn't quite right in the first place? Why weren't they good enough? What can they do to make the other person happy and want to be with them? Clinging to the hope that somehow there is a secret formula of actions that will make everything ok.

In the course of writing these relationship tips I've realized that there isn't some formulaic way to have a perfect relationship. And it definitely isn't being the perfect person. When expressing my frustration about finding a guy who is into the same things I'm into a wise friend told me that in relationships its also about adapting to the other person not always making sure everything about you coincides. Which of course makes perfect sense and I'm glad she pointed it out. That's one of the points I want to stress about all my tips. They are just there to help bring clarity to a situation where I feel thinking and good judgment can become clouded for whatever reasons.

I guess the reason I felt like making this tip it's own post is because it gets to me watching people beat themselves up about something that isn't their responsibility in the first place (i.e. being perfect). Seeing people value themselves by what they THINK they should be doing, then feeling like somehow they have fallen short and somehow their worth is lessened because the person they poured themselves into didn't "appreciate" all their efforts. When a relationship takes the work of both parties adapting, learning, and growing together.

Anyway as usual have a good day and enjoy.

Tanikaism(schisms) Revised Edition

This list has been edited for accuracy

Things I like:
Bagpipes (is there any better music?)
Jane Austen novels/movies
What a fool believes - Doobie Brothers
Anything by the BeeGees
Green
Children
Rainy / Cloudy days
Anything I can read
AND OF COURSE
*Skinny Geeky White Guys (Sorry I left that out the first time, thanks for pointing it out Daniel)

Things I don't like:
Public Restrooms / Port-a-potties
Wet hair
Wet tissue paper
Chicken
Raisins
Overly Bright Sunny Days
chartreuse (I mean really)

Things I'm afraid of:
Soggy Cereal
Public Restrooms
Soggy Cereal in a public restroom
Small children who are really good ticklers
Undercooked Red Meat
Curly Fries (don't ask)

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

He Said, She Said

Sometimes in the course of a conversation ideas and meanings get "lost in the shuffle". You're trying to explain yourself, but in the process things end up sounding very different.

-What he said:
I think we need some time apart.

What she heard:
I can't stand you and I never what to see you again.

-What she said:
I think we need to take our relationship to the next level.

What he heard:
You need to start spending your every waking (and sleeping) moment with ME!

-What he said:
This is the way I am, you have to accept me and not try to change me.

What she heard:
I know I'm a slob, but this is the best you're gonna get.

-What she said:
I need someone who will nuture me and help me grow.

What he heard:
I'm already dating your friend Greg. (Sorry about that Greg)

-What he said:
I need to focus on me right now and get my things together.

What she heard:
You're not important enough to me to make sure we spend quality time together.

Just some thoughts as always enjoy.

A little slice of life

I'm going to try to paint a picture for you so bear with me. There is a guy named John, a young professional around 25 years old. He has a girlfriend, an active social life, and a good job. Recently he found out that a close member of his family is terminally ill. This affects him deeply because it is someone he has always loved and respected. Not sure how to deal with his feelings he bottles them up and attempts to go about his daily life. However he is not extremely successful and his friends and coworkers notice something is up. He briefly explains what is going on, and in an attempt to "cheer him up" his coworkers take him out for a liquid lunch/happy hour. His girlfriend plans a lot of fun activities to "take his mind off things". His friends do their best to help "get him in a better mood". Sound familiar?

The other day I was leaving my friend's apartment and I was walking past a school. I noticed some little boys at play so I decided to stop and watch for a little while. There were about 5 of them, probably about 5 or 6 years old, playing on and around a jungle gym. They were like any other little boys in the school yard running everywhere jumping, climbing, and generally engaging in horseplay. Then one fell off the top of the jungle gym. The other 4 boys descended on him like little birds. 2 were rubbing his back trying to comfort him. The other two were asking him what was wrong. When they realized it was his knee they continued to comfort him. One boy asked the hurt child what he wanted to be done. The hurt child crying said he didn't know. So 1 little boy thought for a second and then said, "If I kiss it that might make it better" So he kissed the little boy's knee and asked, "Does it feel better?" The little boy said no. But all the little boys agreed they would figure out a way to make his knee better and in the mean time they comforted him through his tears.

In both these situations the pain they felt was very real to them.

I was extremely moved by this picture of the young boys comforting their friend and helping him through a difficult time. I went home and thought about how we as adults rarely show this much compassion or sensitivity to another person's hurts. Although the first story is fictional I though it is representative of what happens in a lot of people's lives. And though I may be wrong I felt that it happens more with guys than with girls. For some reason most girls rally around their friends who are hurting. They try to comfort and deal with what is going on. Though this is not always the case. However from MY observations I notice that for a lot of guys they usually end up in the first case scenario. I actually happen to be a girl who ends up in the first case scenario so I'm definitely not making too broad a generalization. All I wanted to know is what happened in those 20 intervening years? Is it the case that our need to protect ourselves emotionally stunts our abilities to give and receive compassion? Is it emasculating for a guy to be vulnerable and real with his friends and comfort them when they are in need? Have we become so self-centered that we don't take time to listen to what is going on before we try to "fix" things, because CLEARLY we know best?

As a person who likes to be helpful I can fall into the trap of thinking if I could just do something then I will have helped and made a difference when really I should just try to be there and see what my friend actually needs. Anyway just some thoughts have a good day and as always enjoy.

The Bestest Person in the World

I have had some emotional times recenlty for various reasons. I have a few remedies for when I want to feel better. And no it isn't chocolate. Usually getting some time to think things through or go on long walks are helpful, but one of my favorite things in the world are Jane Austen novels/movies.

Well yesterday I was innocently sitting around and someone came to the door. They had a package...Joe said it was for me. I was skeptical at first, but then he showed it to me. I said hey did you guys get me something. Joe laughs and says no. So I open it not knowing what was inside. As I pull back the packaging I see that it is my favorite movie of all time on DVD!!!!! I have Pride and Prejudice on tape, but as was clearly pointed out to me those tapes aren't gonna last much longer. And the dvd has special features. I looked into the box to find out what angelic creature could have blessed me thus. It was my good friend Lauren who has been elevated to bestest person position. It was an early birthday present and it could not have come at a better time. I'm slowly indoctrinating Katie to like it one dance scene at a time.

Well needless to say I will be eagerly devouring my favorite scenes over the next couple of days. I always wanted to be Lizzy.

Cool Spots...

I was doing my regular blog reading and I saw that Lauren had posted about here mom's recent visit and said she had some discount/free passes for wineries. For those of you who don't know she is my cool friend who lives in NorCal near Napa so if anyone is up for a visit let me know.

I also found this other really cool blog with some interesting quizes so if you have some free time check it out.

Good Times...Noodle Salad II

(Please find link to Logic Problems on my sidebar)
As most of you know I enjoy participating in events or activities outside of my cultural comfort zone (i.e. Dawali or Chinese new year) We'll last night I participated in my first Seder. Like the little geek I am, I read up all the information I could on Seders and what everything means. Couldn't help it. I won't share all my thoughts here but, if you wanna see what I thought check out the other me.

On a different, last night as a result of being in mixed company (I think ) the conversation took and inevitable turn to relationships (my new favorite topic). I won't bore you with the details of what was said. All I can tell you is there was definitely some blushing and awkward moments. And some very interesting dreams for me last night.

(This entry is more of thoughts than a particular relationship tip)But it did make me think about the whole concept of "experience" one brings to a relationship. And I'm not just talking about sexual/physical experience. I think a lot of emphasis is placed on this already so I won't delve into this topic, but feel free to dialogue with me on this subject. But I guess I'm referring to life experience in general. I think I've had this conversation with some people before when they ask me why I'm not interested in one of all the cool guys at Kairos. Even though most of the single guys are "crush worthy". And one of my first response is that I feel that most of them are too inexperienced for me. But what I mean is that my perception (which could be all wrong) of them is that they are too idealistic/conservative/naive/untried in certain aspects of life. And I always wonder does this really matter because shouldn't maturity count for something? Then I try to think of how diverse the maturation process can be and how can I judge someone I barely know when I find it so difficult to let people get to know me. My comments before might seem a little harsh on this particular set of guys, but those are my view in general of guys my age anyway. (Hence why I tend to be interested in guys seriously older than I am although not recently) It's not like I have a hard time relating to guys at all, it's just that sometimes when I let a little more of myself out and they freak out or get squeamish or in general make comments that make me think, "Yeah they are nice and all, but..." then I immediately lump them into a category of the aforementioned variety. I guess it's kinda what JR was talking about on Sunday. How if we don't know people very well we put them into this box based on a limited amount of observations we are able to make. Geek, Funny, Naive, Idealistic, Gay. I usually want a guy's life experience to, if not match my own, then at least he can understand and not be weirded out by it or me. But maybe it's the case that his experiences are the kind I need to compliment me and my expectations of the "experiences" he "should" have are all confused and mixed up.

Last night some comments were made about guys going into a relationship with some experience and to some degree I agree with this. At least from things I have stated above. But what I also think this relates back to is not wanting someone to bring past relationship baggage into the relationship, because that is the kind of experience I can do without and the same goes for women bringing that into a relationship with a guy. I don't want to spend our time together trying to deal with untold damage someone else has done to that person.

I guess there are pros and cons to "experience" . I guess maybe it's just a matter of learning and growing that allows you to bring maturity from those experiences into the relationship in whatever form they take and not letting them be something that divides you.

Random Tanikaisms(schisms?)

Old School:
Some of you might remember that about two years ago I used to send out weekly updates and comments when I first got to L.A. I found one of them. I used to end with little things L.A. had taught me. I found one I wrote about hair styles. I decided to share it with those of you who were not fortunate enough to be on my emailing list at the time:

As I close this letter I wanted to leave you with a little something I learned about hair style do's and dont's (this is dedicated to Vic who contemplated a new hair style)What LA has taught me about hair do's and dont's:

1.Do:Get your hair colored, permed or straightened in a style that suits both your age and lifestyle.

Don't:Dye your hair one color, put in fake highlights and then let the grey grow out more than 3 inches.

2.Do:Get finger waves, micro-braids, perm, or press 'n curl that fits your head SIZE and SHAPE and HAIR LENGTH.
Don't:Get finger waves, micro-braids, perm or press 'n curl when your hair line has receded at least 2 inches. (Don't worry ladies I didn't see any of US out there like this).

3.Do:Make sure your hair is neatly, styled and slicked down when it's supposed to be.

a.Don't:Put so much oil and grease in your hair that you leave the bus seat/window slick and slimy when you get up.
b.Don't:Style your hair more that 4 inches away from your scalp. (Again Ladies I didn't see any of us out there like this)

4.Do:Take precautionary measures to make sure your hair doesn't get messed up on your way to work.

Don't:Let one of these measures be a hair net you THINK matches your hair color when it really doesn't.

Here is one I saw today.

Do: Be aware of the fact that your hair line is receding and get it styled accordingly.

Don't: Think that appropriate action for a receding hairline is a dyed combover.
(KCK do you remember the combover man?)

Blactoid: I've finally finished reading Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe. It was really good. I did get the depression after. It wasn't until after I finished reading the book that I realized why she wrote it in the first place. The book was published in 1852 in response to the Fugitive Slave Act and it's repercussions. What I thought was pretty interesting is that Stowe's writing was such an accurate forshadowing of events that followed some 12 years later when the slavery issue came to a head. One of my favorite things that she includes in the last chapter of the book (check out the Uncle Tom link above) are stories of various people who escaped slavery and had prosperous lives. This book was both thought provoking and challenging.

Tanika's Relationship Tip#7: (Heads up this is for the singles) Waiting...ewww did I just say waiting? I believe I did. In a world where adults have temper tantrums if they aren't first in line at a supermarket and everything is either fast or instant, the concept of waiting can be an annoying one and sometimes (or so it seems) downright impossible. I would like to clarify what I mean by waiting. I don't mean waiting to talk to someone you are already interested in. I don't mean waiting until you know that person is so into you there is no possible way you can be rejected. In these circumstances it's always good to exercise caution. What I mean is waiting until you find the (pardon this hackneyed phrase) "right person". I'm not talking about that one single entity in the universe destined to be your soul mate (because let's get real this might not exist) I mean instead of jumping into a relationship with someone because you are lonely, depressed, on the rebound, or just want some attention/intimacy. I'm guilty of this myself. The majority of my past boyfriends were the result of boredom and the need for intimacy. I would be going along my merry way and then I would realize, "Hey, I'm single what's up with that?" Then the first guy who was like, "Hey baby" I ended up dating. Most of the time I don't pay attention to guys who try to kick weak game, but when I get all lonely for attention it can break a sista down. One thing I had determined when I got to Los Angeles was that I would wait for the "right guy" and by right guy refer back to Tip #6. Not perfection but at least someone who I wouldn't want to strangle a week into the relationship. I've been semi-successful. If you wanna know the details just ask me. If you think this is lousy advice think about the last jacked up relationship you had because you just decided to "go for it". Was it worth it? That's what I thought.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

A little levity never hurt anyone...

Before my posts start getting super serious I would like to tell you who I saw today. But first let me set the back story. I was finishing up a private tutor I have in Beverly Hills and on my way home, but I was feeling a little light headed so I decided to head to the local grocery store to get a juice or something. I normally walk down the residential street to the bus stop read my book until the bus comes and go home. But today after drinking a dannon's fusion smoothie I was walking down Beverly Dr. a main thoroughfare when I noticed some people in front of me were speaking a language I never heard of...I know I know it is me, but there are some languages I can't recognize.

Well I noticed the mom was pointing and talking. I was still trying to make out what she said when I heard the words, "Government" and "Schwarzenegger" I looked to where she was pointing and sure enough it was Arnold coming out of a restaurant. The whole family started waving at him ( I did too) and he looked over at us and waved back. Now I want to say that I know Arnold saw me. How did I know? Well... I was the only black person (dark I might add) in a sea of white faces. I had to have stuck out like a sore thumb. Maybe there is even a chance Arnold will dream about me tonight because he remembers my face. HAHAHA! Maybe it does pay to be different. Anyhoo. As he drove away he waved and honked his horn. That's when I noticed the cops on bikes and the huge motorcade he was driving away in.

I'm so oblivious. I'm in Beverly Hills in the evening every week and I never see anyone. Not because that aren't there, but because I never pay attention. That's it. Sorry no relationship tip today I've got to get back to my book. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Passing...(and the return of the blactoid)

I've recently been reading Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe. Very few "fictional" stories evoked such an emotional response. Although this book has been labeled racist or romanticized it has definitely been an eye opening experience. One thing in particular that caught my I was the treatment of "mixed" blacks and "full-blooded" blacks of each other.

Something that always bothered me was the cruelty of black people to other black people. Especially in a time when they should be helping each other. If any of you remember my blactoid about nappy hair. You'll remember me talking about how some people are obsessed with what is termed "good hair". That's not the only thing they can be obsessed with. It could be skin color or "black features". In the not so distant past a lot of black people wanted to "pass" for white people so that they could get ahead in life. Some black people saw this as a betrayal of their race. Some thought of it as an opportunity to improve the quality of their life.

In uncle Tom's Cabin there is a scene in Dinah's kitchen that epitomizes this. If you read you'll find Stowe writes:

"Come,--clar out, you! I can't have you cluttering up the kitchen," said Dinah; "in my way, foolin' round here."
"Aunt Dinah's glum, because she can't go to the ball," said Rosa.
"Don't want none o' your light-colored balls," said Dinah; "cuttin' round, makin' b'lieve you's white folks. Arter all, you's niggers, much as I am."
"Aunt Dinah greases her wool stiff, every day, to make it lie straight," said Jane.
"And it will be wool, after all," said Rosa, maliciously shaking down her long, silky curls.
"Well, in the Lord's sight, an't wool as good as bar, any time?" said Dinah. "I'd like to have Missis say which is worth the most,--a couple such as you, or one like me. Get out wid ye, ye trumpery,--I won't have ye round!"

A lot of other ethnic people I talk to tell me how much emphasis is placed on lighter skin or whiter features. Being about as black as they come I've never really had this problem. Stressing out over whether I could "pass", but I've definitely had a lot of comments on why I wasn't black enough for black people or how I was too black for black people and every other comment in between. I invariably get the question do I wish that I could have been born another color. To which I respond...well you'll just have to ask me yourself.

I guess what stuck out to me the most was not so much the treatment of blacks by whites, but how some black people would look down on others because of their skin color when that was what white people were doing to them. Mistreating them and acting like they weren't human. And then they would turn around and do the same. Crazy! Anyway more to come...I think I might just have to make a blactoid section.

Anyway have a good day and enjoy.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #6:If you want to have a good long term relationship, don't date someone solely for superficial reasons. This might seem like common sense, but I can't count the number of times I've seen couples or heard someone talk about a person they wanted to date because they thought the person was HOT or SEXY. Then you ask them what they liked about that person and it was limited to the physical. Now if all you are looking for is the physical then skip this tip. It isn't for you. The first thing you should be aware of is yourself. What kind of person are you: Intense/focused/laid back. Then KNOW what complements you. IF you are high strung the last thing you need is someone who is high strung. You'll drive each other crazy in a week. You need to be with someone who is sympathetic and knows and actually enjoys helping you relax. If you need to have space you can't be with an emotional co-dependent. You'll kill that person after a few hours. Like Chris Rock said. In a relationship you gotta be into the same stuff. If you are born again then they should be born again. If you are a crackhead they gotta be a crackhead. You can't be like:

"Hey where you are you going?"
"Church, what about you?"
"I'm going to hit the pipe."

Won't work.

Linens 'n Things...

****CAUTION:Please read disclaimer****
Disclaimer: This entry is written mainly to women of course by a woman. Please feel free to skip down to Tanika's Relationship Tip #5.

The other day my friend Shannon was showing me her Easter pictures with her family. For the past couple of years I have made fun of her son's Easter clothes because she dresses him up like he is a senior citizen. This year she went too far and put linen pants on him. She teamed it with a white cap and a pastel argyle sweater. I was like, "Shannon please. Xavier is going to beat you up when he gets older. Stop the madness now." Somehow or other we started talking about how comfortable linen was to wear, but of course how difficult it is to take care.

Then the next thing you know we were talking about various clothing styles that women have these days. We were saying why is it always the case that we have to sacrifice comfort to fashion. (Now for those of you who know me I RARELY sacrifice comfort to fashion, I couldn't care less) But on the whole we try to appear attractive/sexy/hot yet women will be soooo uncomfortable it's not even funny.

One of my good friends was out of work for 9 months so she spent a lot of time around the house. I've known her 10 years and she has always been a sharp dresser. Slowly however she started moving towards comfort (i.e. sweats, tee-shirts, and other loungewear). Her husband got fed up and bought her a new wardrobe and was like don't ever wear sweats again. I know guys want women to be attractive, but don't you understand how uncomfortable it can be?

Anyway moving along. We were talking about how nice most guys look in just jeans and a tee-shirt. It just isn't fair. As a matter of fact they can even lose the tee-shirt and it still works. Guys can even be attractive in sweats, but let us leave the house in sweats. People act like we have the plague.

Shannon and I marveled however at the fact that at some point most women seem to realize that comfort comes before fashion. That would explain pastel linen suits or pretty much any other pastel or electric blue blousy style clothing that middle age women wear. Remember the Golden Girls. All their clothes could be pulled six inches away from their body.

I say why wait 'til we are 45. We can start a new trend. Comfy pastel linen suits for everyone!
Just kidding. Kinda. In a way. Ummm...not really.

Tanika's Relationship Tip#5: Please check your previous (hypothetical/actual)relationship's emotional baggage at the relationship door. Do you have an ex? Do you have a triflin' ex? Most people whether they dated that person or not has had some sort of negative romantic experience with the opposite sex. If you haven't then feel free to skip this tip. The reality of it is that most people have been hurt/traumatized/rejected/mistreated/ignored/abused by someone of the opposite sex. It doesn't matter if we ever dated them. What matters is we let these negative experiences color the way we view someone we want to be in a relationship with now or in the future. This is hard not to do. I was telling a friend recently that because of negative marriage experiences I had seen in the past I didn't particularly want to get married and I didn't think most people who are married would stay married. As a result of some triflin' men in my life I usually think most guys are lying when they say they want something serious or commitment. I think they are just trying to get some and will say anything to get it. But the truth is because everyone is different it's the two people who make the relationship. Just like I wouldn't want someone to judge me based on what they see others do I should kindly do the same. Nothing undermines a relationship as quickly as anticipating the worst of your partner or even worse accusing them with the transgressions of someone else. If I could get this one down most of my relationships would probably be better. Anyway have a good day and as always enjoy.

New Edition

And I don't mean Ronny, Bobby , Ricky,Mike, Ralph and Johnnie. (Check out that link if you USED to like New Edition.) But for real. I added a tagboard to my sidepanel so that you can make comments on my blog without actually have to read my posts. I know this will appeal to Mark because he can't stand reading my posts anyway.

So even if you don't have time to read drop a line anyway. I'll holla back. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Tanika's Tip for Smoking Lips and Swiveling Hips aka Tanika's Relationship Tip #4: Don't listen to "gossip" about your significant other from well intentioned friends. There is nothing wrong with talking to your friends about your relationship it helps you talk things through in your own mind sometimes. But please don't take speculation your friends give you as the "gospel truth" and then react accordingly with your "partner" for lack of a better term. I';ve seen it happen many times when a friend will starts speculating about what he/she may be doing and you let those thoughts creep up and fester in your mind and then start acting out in response to them with your "partner" and undermine your relationship. If something seems weird or "not right" in your relationship take it up with your partner. Get advice on how to do it, but talk to that person.