The balance of power...in my mind

To explain what I mean by balance of power, the overarching theme of my struggles over the past year , taking place in my mind, stems from my desire to have deep genuine community with others battling with my need for personal space because the interaction I'm getting is overwhelming, draining and usually of a superficial nature which annoys me and eventually sickens me causing me to lose my desire for close relationships with others because of our lack of ability to connect. This in turn causes me to realize that I don't have genuine community with anyone and I desire it again only to encounter community of the same type that annoyed me before. Over the past several months I have been meditating on the subject of conflict both in my personal life and in my social life. Recently at Kairos they were talking about conflict, way to resolve conflict, and why it's important to resolve conflict.

I started thinking about the conflict in my own life and how I let it dictate to me who I am and how I feel. Most specifically my internal conflict, or least what I perceive as "internal". This past year has been a rough one , I've had work issues, issues from my past, family problems, major health issues, and a million and one other tedious things that drive a person crazy come up and I've struggled to deal with them, hopefully over come them, or at the very least live with them. The key here is that I'm saying I dealt with them, not we, but I. I'm not saying my family and friends weren't supportive, but I felt something missing even in the midst of supportive efforts.

One of the things that have made these things cause more turmoil inside of me is me. I know, I know, why would I make things worse for myself, but that's part of my conflicted nature as well. Over the past year I've been feeling disconnected from the Christian community that I'm a part of as well as the other communities in which I interact. This has been difficult for many reasons mostly because of my desire to have a few people who I feel connected to that understand me, love me, but still challenge me.

The disconnectedness in the Christian community is the hardest for me to deal with because the reason I moved out to the west coast in the first place was to be a part of the very community from which I now feel estranged. Because of my personality, there are few people that I don't feel a need to have a distance with in the first place. However this past year because of pressure of work that made it difficult to interact in social functions or gatherings coupled with personal life stress that made me want to pull away from other people around me I've felt my distance from people even more. An interesting point the was made in one of the talks at Kairos was that when there is a problem with one part of the community if affects the entire community. I thought about that in relation to myself. I was thinking that even though I feel that my struggles are personal and internal they are actually affecting the entire Christian community regardless of how connected or disconnected I feel from it. I'm still a part of it.

Hence one of the things that caused me great personal conflict early this year. I have had a combination of health issues which I won't go into now. But they reached a point of severity where I needed to go to the hospital. I called someone who I'm good friends who I don't mind talking about things with and told them I need some assistance as I wouldn't be able to get to the closest hospital under my own steam. They weren't going to be able to do it so that called a mutual friend of ours. This person took me to the hospital much to my relief and in concern asked what was wrong. Now I understand that in a community we are all concerned and we care about other people and when someone is hurt we want them to get better, we pray for them other things as well. However my health issues were of a personal nature of which I would only feel comfortable discussing with close friends. After I returned home and through the next few months I received extremely personal inquiries about my health from people who barely know me. This let me know that what I considered a personal problem had definitely affected others around me. The only problem was they didn't realize how insensitive I found it when they would ask me something that I really felt was none of their business because of the nature of the problem, when it was from people who I barely exchange pleasantries with. This made me so upset that I didn't want to talk to anyone for quite sometime following. I'm the type of person who doesn't feel comfortable talking about mundane subjects with people that I'm not close to let alone personal matters and it bothered me that people who wouldn't say things to me in other circumstances felt that they could in these. (Realize, I'm excluding people who know me well and understood whether or not we could talk about certain things or if I found it too personal of a question) I was extremely upset and struggled for a while afterward because I had lost all faith and confidence in other people's abilities to be sensitive to the feelings of others. I think I communicate pretty effectively the type of person I am when it regards things I discuss with other people, which made this even more difficult. Whether I was right or wrong did not change how I felt.

I think one of my major personal issues that crosses over into social issues I have with the Christian community in which I function is that people don't say what they feel or what they think so that we all realize that we are sharing common hopes, fears, and anxieties. A few posts ago I wrote more extensively about my feelings of disconnectedness which applies in this situation. This is also wrapped up in my desire and need for accountability that I struggle with as well. When I interact with people and because I have a tendency to actually say what I'm thinking and feeling and am sometimes verbally rebuffed I don't feel like sharing what I'm struggling with. Then I find out later that those same people I was talking with were struggling with the same things too, but didn't say anything.

It's not that I'm saying people aren't genuine, that they aren't real and they don't desire something profound and genuine, what I'm saying is they don't communicate it. I understand that people don't immediately go to deep levels in their relationship, but there needs to be a place where we are who we are. Broken, messy, conflicted, and real. I don't get that from many people regardless of the community in which I look. Not that they aren't there, but maybe they are reticent about opening up for their own conflicted reasons.

I always tell people that the Tanika you see is the Tanika you get, maybe not all of me, but what you are seeing is the genuine me. If you want to learn more please see details inside the package. What I want is for someone to say the same to me about themselves.

Alright this has gone on long enough. As always have a good day and enjoy.

From the mouths of babes...

My sister sent me this conversation she had with her children. I'm not sure what sparked the conversation. For the record Gina age 9, Daniel age 12, Joshua age 6, Andrew age 1.

Went like this:

Gina: Mommy, what were doctor's offices like in the olden days when you were little? Did you see a real doctor or an intern.

Daniel: Shut up Gina, she's not that old. She's only a little old.

Gina: I'm just saying, back then, real doctor's looked at you, not high school graduates.

Joshua: I remember back in the day, when I was 4, mommy took Andrew to the doctor for an ear infection. They didn't fix him, so we saw an alternative doctor. He was called a chiropractor. He acupunctured Andrew and the ear infection drained out.

Gina: Did you have to pay for that?

Tasha: Yes.

Gina: Why do you have to pay the bill, when the doctor's don't fix you. That's like stealing with permission.

A Dream Deferred...(meditation)

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-- And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

About a week ago I was taking the train to Manhattan Beach and while I waited at aviation station I noticed, displayed on transparent plastic were various poems and sayings. In particular the one above titled "A Dream deferred" by Langston Hughes. I read it over and over again. Thinking about the words as I boarded the train. As some of you know I can think about things for days, weeks or even years on end without reaching conclusions. Meditating on deeper meaning, trying to unwrap the shrouded mystery of character, ideology, even perception through prolonged internal struggle to find something concrete.

Last night I was thinking about this poem in conjunction with a scene from the movie "Sixth Sense". I know what you might be thinking at this point. What does a Langston Hughes poem and an M. Night Shyamalan movie have in common? There is a scene where Dr. Malcolm Crowe is talking to the young boy, Cole. He asked him to think about what he wants to get out of the time he is spending with Dr. Crowe. Cole responds, "Instead of something I want, can it be something I don't want?". He proceeds to tell Dr. Crowe he doesn't want to be scared anymore. I was reflecting that this was his dream. Not to be scared anymore.

Sometimes our dreams aren't this inborn need to leave our mark on this earth in hopes that in hundreds of years someone will think, "Man that so and so sure was something!". Maybe our dream is to be happy, to live at peace with ourselves, or finally move on from an oppressive past that won't seem to let us go. What happens to us when that dream is deferred?

Sometimes our dreams are of grandeur, of beauty, or glorious change that we know are impossible, but still hope for in the corners of our mind. If we don't achieve them we are still whole, moving on to something reasonable, that keeps us happy and enriches our lives. What happens to the other people with the inward dreams of personal change? When their dreams are deferred what can they do?

Feel free to share your thoughts. As always have a good day and enjoy.

I know I know...

Yes...I'm aware that I was supposed to blog about my Caribbean cruise, but as you can see I have not. I wish I could say I'm sorry about that, but I'm not. I don't feel like blogging about that. I've already talked about it, made a photo album and a mini-scrapbook for my family. I can't take it anymore...for right now. Suffice to say it was nice, good food, sleep and relaxation. I had a holiday romance with a crew member, who was from Croatia and spent a lot of good time with my family.

On another note I was washing clothes tonight reflecting on a conversation I had with a friend this afternoon. I was telling her that as a person who struggles with a nonconformist nature (I still haven't figured out if it's good or bad) I've been feeling out of sorts recently (and by recently I mean for a long time) with the fact that not only do I feel like I'm floating on the outskirts of society in general, but people that I'm around most of the time specifically. I acknowledge openly that I feel differently, think differently and act differently than most of my peers and for that matter people I don't know as well. I was telling her that being different doesn't bother me (at least on the superficial external level) but my perception that most of the people I'm around are SO similar does. It's like about 90% of the people I know are listening to the same station and I can't seem to tune in.

I look at everyone looking and acting the same. Seemingly happy and for the life of me I can't understand how they are all like that without thinking they are a cult or something. Maybe it's just me. But most things I perceive that other people think are important mean less than nothing to me. And since I have a hard time "acting" like I'm interested in something when I'm really not. I usually just continue out of step with everyone. But as I said before they all seem so happy and at the core of me is this nebulous feeling of disconnectedness. Maybe it's just me. If I try to be the way that everyone else is maybe I can seemingly be happy as well.

I try...contrarily sickening myself with this very act of conformity going against my nature. Because I think that if I can just mimic the actions the feelings will follow. But they don't. And all I'm left with is disgust with myself for thinking that it's possible to change who I am inside, mixed with the knowledge that what I am inside will never be like "them". Maybe it's just me.

I reflected on a Jane Austen quote, another nonconformist of her time. In the book Pride and Prejudice Lizzy says to Jane in response to Jane wishing Lizzy could be as happy as she, "Until I have your goodness, I can never have your happiness." I realized what she is saying is that fundamentally we are different. I can never feel the way you do unless I am you and no amount of wishing will change that.

Facing the ultimate realization that my fundamental differences might actually keep me from every feeling a part of something scares me. I'm left with the question: What do I do? Maybe it's just me.

Failing...

The other week we were having a conference call at work talking about all the students in the Los Angeles County who would not be receiving a high school diploma this spring because they had failed to pass an algebra class. As a matter of fact the LA Times did a series of articles about the drop out rate of the students at Birmingham High School in Van Nuys, CA. It stirred such a response more than 200 people responded in written form and probably other organizations like the Mathnasium had conferences to discuss what to how we should respond when students in this situation come to us.

The funny part is I was telling someone the other day that when I was growing up I didn't even realize there were people who didn't understand things, for whatever reason. I thought if you were failing a subject it's because you weren't trying or you were skipping school or something. I assumed everyone had the ability to make straight As it was just a matter of settling down and learning the material. As I grow more in the knowledge of people, school districts, math wars, and bureaucracy I find that not only are there students who actually struggle but that institutions as sometimes run in a way that makes it near impossible for students to learn.

Please share your thoughts.

Blactoid: As some people know there used to be separate schools in the United States. Then after the Brown vs. the Board of Education decision they were mandated to integrate. A high school in the same city I went to high school in decided to integrate shortly thereafter. Although it met with resistance, those steps they took paved the way for not only African-Americans having equal access to education, but also other minority groups that had suffered from poor education in understaffed and underfunded schools.

What is wrong with you?!?

I just realized that I'm so sick of dumb band names that are supposed to be "hep" or edgy. Like Atreyu, I'm sorry but that just isn't gonna do it for me. It's the name of a 10 year old boy who's horse died in Never Ending Story. Or Aiden or any other annoying name that people think sounds cool but actually is just annoying. I'm not the only one who thinks this. Someone else has actually collect a list of dumb band names. I wouldn't go so far as to collect them. What would that say about me, but now that someone has can someone please tell me what's going on.

Whatever happend to just going by your name like Dave Matthews Band or Shakira. I mean we can't all be Prince (who by the way must be in possession of the ring of power because he hasn't aged a day since 1982) with a symbol for a name or artist formerly known as. If your music is good you shouldn't have to try to make your name "edgey" or whatever it is those people think they are doing. But I guess what it all comes down to is recognition that leads to fame that leads to money. *sigh ...

Why is art always to suffer?

As always have a good name and enjoy.

...it's like a disco with books...

today as I started my business class at the local community college I was reflecting on a Chris Rock comedy routine where he was saying that after he got a GED someone had the nerve to say "Now you can go to college" He said, you can't go to college with a GED. The only college you can go to is community college. Basically that community college is like a disco with books. Why is it called community college...because anybody from the community can go there, drug dealers crackheads you name it.

Although I didn't particularly see any people of that description it is a new experience for me and I look forward to the interaction I will have with the professor and my classmates. Of course my professor is a sassy black woman. So I get to deal with that 2 days a week at 8 am. If anyone knows me the adjective that describes me least at 8am is sassy. I'm hard pressed to be sassy at 11 am. She made us do this exercise this morning where we walked past each other looking at the ground. Then again while making eye contact. Then again while touching on the shoulder and making eye contact, and finally eye contact and shaking hands. The last person you shook hands with was your new friend. My friend was Steve. He's like me. Works, but is going back to learn more about business.

I'm actually looking forward to the semester. I've been thinking of ways to meet more people that I normally wouldn't, but in an atmosphere I want to be in as well. So now I know Steve. There are some talkative girls in the class, but the teacher put them on lock so that shouldn't be a problem.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Argh!!!

So I haven't posted for a while. That is for one of two reasons. Either so much has been happening I don't have time to think straight or nothing has been happening and I don't want you guys to think I'm a loser. I like to think it's the former, more likely it's the latter.

Well...this past week has been stressful and if you know why then I don't have to tell you. If you don't know why then do you really want me to have to relive all that hassle and trauma all over again? Wow I didn't know you could be so heartless :)

Well is it sufficient to tell you that I'm going through detox from taking some pretty strong narcotics since Sunday and I think I'm going through withdrawal? Ok is it sufficient to tell you that my boss made me promise to call and request permission should I choose to die?

I guess I should have posted about all the cool things that are going to happen before now. Like I'm taking a business class starting February 13th or I was planning on taking up a spot of tennis for exercise purposes. Or how I want to take up hot salsa dancing after my business class is over. Now my mind is over shadowed either by the drugs or circumstances. Well in an attempt to amuse and inform at the same time I have been "ill" these past couple of days the nature of which I don't think the likes of the internet is ready for. Suffice to say it did involve the need for heavy medication of which I no longer wish to take hence the self inflicted detox.

Other than that things are going going ok here in the deep south of Culver City. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Munich

I went to see Munich last night with some friends and I definitely found it a traumatizing and somehow uplifting experience. Much like Syriana I'm fairly certain that this movie will win some awards it's already nominated for 2 Golden Globes and except for a crying scene Eric Bana gives an Oscar worthy performance. On a side note it has an incredible soundtrack and I'm not just saying that because I love the 70's. Whether you like the movie or not there is no denying that it is an extremely provoking piece of work. The movie is based on actual events that took place at the 1972 Olympics in Munich, Germany, so I feel that I'm not going to give too much away by talking about the movie.

We were a little late getting into the theatre (due to E/B/CST) so we missed the first couple of minutes of the movie. So although I didn't see what happened in the very beginning the movie was designed so that it wasn't necessary. One thing I especially liked about this movie was how, throughout the film, they showed the sequence of events that took place at the '72 Olympics through the reflections of the main character Avner. You watch the metamorphosis of this character who's first motivations where home, family, and nationality turn into a confusion of bitterness and anger towards his enemies, his country, and even himself, finally ending in no motivation and even paranoia. Another interesting theme throughout this film was that of family. The Israeli government convinces Avner that what he must do, is not just for his immediate family, but for all Jews who are part of the same family. Another character, Robert, points out that what unifies the Jews is and separates them from everyone else is that above all they should be righteous and how could what they were doing be righteous? (A loss of the sense of family?) It was a very thought provoking film where the events that inspired it are still playing themselves out in the Middle East. Last night I dreamed I was a Palestinian refugee in Israel, it was a very different point of view to look at things from since I generally view things from the Israeli side.

I definitely recommend this film, with one stipulation. It is rated R, and trust me it's for a reason namely graphic (and I might add realistic) violence, sexual content, nudity, drug content, and language. I would love to dialogue with anyone who has seen the film or just wants to talk about the film so please comment. As always have a good day and enjoy.

'Tis the season to be jolly?

"I don't know if I can live with myself anymore."

"God, I just want some peace. Is that too much to ask?"

"My mind makes me sick."

"I don't know how much more of this I can take."

These are all phrase I've heard over the past couple of weeks as the holiday season fast approaches. For most as the year draws to a close and holiday plans loom on the horizon, it's a time of celebration and being with the people you love. You make plans, give gifts, and eat your weight in turkey. But for a large part of the population it can be a very lonely or even depressing time.

I had the benefit of riding the bus home from the northern most regions of "The Valley" for about 4 hours on Sunday morning and I got the chance to observe quite a few people both inside the bus, walking down the street, and driving in cars. I went through a variety of neighborhoods with varying socioeconomic status. The common thread I saw in all the people I observed was that quite a few of them looked upset, depressed, and even angry.

I was looking at an article today about the depression people suffer at this time of year. And the thing that has been on my mind the past couple of days is what can I do about this. As some of you know I'm obsessed with what I can do to fix what I perceive as problems. And I realized I can't really change anyone's life. But what I can do and what I think a lot of others can do is be aware of people you come into contact with that might be struggling at this time of year and maybe you can have a positive impact in their lives by taking an active, honest interest in how they are doing.

During the holiday season we spend most of our time trying to give tangible gifts, things that you can measure with monetary value. Even volunteering and helping the needy. I think one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is our time, love, compassion, and understanding of their needs emotionally and spiritually as well as physically.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Kounterfeit Kids

I was watching the news this morning and saw a truly amazing story. They were talking about just busting open a money counterfeiting ring...but the the kicker was that everyone involved was in the fourth grade. I was like what?!?!

Apparently the lunch lady became suspicious when a couple of the 4th graders paid for their lunches with 20 dollar bills. Hmmmm...seems fine to me. Upon closer examination apparently the bills had some "jagged edges" which led the lunch lady to bring in the authorities. Apparently one of the 4th graders printed them up on his home computer and they cut them out. Talk about a class project.

I saw the bills on television this morning and they were pretty darn close. If it wasn't for the jagged edges I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. And to think, you should have your fine motor skills such as cutting perfected by the 4th grade. I guess those kids didn't pay enough attention in kindergarten. I'm just kidding around. But seriously in the 4th grade I was trying to buy things with fake money that's how clueless I was. These kids are out there making fake C-notes. What does that tell you about our American educational system.

Please feel free to share your comments. As always have a good day and enjoy.

The Chronicles

The other night I had the wonderful privilege of going to the premiere of the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe at the El Capitain theatre in Hollywood. I have to admit I was a little afraid that the movie wouldn't live up to my expectations and that the glitz and glamour of Hollywood would overshadow the movie that I and others were looking forward to enjoying. Between the wonderful setting, VIP seats, the snow that fell on us the pre-movie show and the complementary drinks and popcorn I became more and more nervous that they were putting on this big production in order to cover up the fact that they were going to do a botched job on the movie. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Although some people, like myself worry about whether Hollywood can do justice to a much beloved novel and author as I feel they deserve, as a fan and an avid movie goer I'm always interested in another persons interpretation of something to see if they are true to what was originally intended or if they come away with the same things I did. And even if they didn't that's ok because at least they have opened the eyes of others to looking at something they may never have thought about and giving others an opportunity of discovering or rediscovering C.S. Lewis.

As I said earlier in the post they definitely did an excellent job with this film. I must admit that though I've read C.S. Lewis recently it wasn't any of the Chronicles of Narnia. I actually haven't read them for about 15 (almost) 16 years. But as I watched the film pieces of my memory came alive and I started to enjoy it more and more as the film progressed. They definitely stayed true to the heart of the film and I have to admit that I was deeply moved by the portrayal of this time honored classic. I won't discuss the film in any detail here in case you want to see it for yourself, but I would like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it and I think you will as well.

I would also like to share a funny comment a man made as I was leaving the theatre. He said that he wasn't expecting such a strong Christian theme in the movie. I couldn't help bursting out in hysterical laughter because I was thinking don't you have a clue about the Chronicles of Narnia, did you watch the trailer, do you even know who C.S. Lewis is. It's comments like those that make Lewis fans think everyone else is equally as ignorant of Lewis' works, but I don't think that's the case at least as far as the movie is concerned.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Phew!!!

Man has it been a long time since my last post. I've had a lot of false starts and half hearted attempts, but the truth of the matter is. I've been busy. Busy....what busy...I know you are all thinking the same thing. Tanika doesn't have a life how in the world is she busy. Well I'll tell you I've found things to do to occupy my time.

But truth be known. I've been a little bit sick, a little busy, and a little bit lazy so that all culminated in me not posting for a while. But now I'm back. There are so many things I want to say that I won't even attempt to except to let slip out that I have a new crush in life (as usual) and life is looking up. Or rather I have an old crush who I've re-crushed kinda like orange crush soda. In a way.

Please no blog speculations or I'll have to remove them. I'll give you a hint. He isn't 4 feet tall.

-The Cheeky Madame

A New way to spell evil...I-K-E-A!

As you can tell from the title I've had a small quibble as it were, with a very popular company that I sometimes refer to as "Oh it's Swedish for ugly!". Just kidding, but seriously just because I don't enjoy the overly angular and sometimes not apparently functional designs that have resulted in Ikea's undeniable financial success doesn't mean that their products aren't good. I guess some people just don't have any real sense of style or taste (of course they none of those people wrote this post).

Recently I had to purchase a bookshelf from work, and of course I turn to one of the leaders in cheap furniture...IKEA! I happen to be one of the "fortunate" souls that lives relatively close to 3 different Ikeas so I have a choice of where I can go and I also live within range of getting a delivery. Thinking that like any other major international company Ikea had it's delivery policy at least to a certain level of competence. I couldn't be more wrong. I ordered a bookshelf about a month ago at this point. Last week Ikea sent me an email saying due to an incredible volume of orders they weren't able to process mine. So what does that mean...they have to REprocess my order. Then they proceed to tell me that I won't get my order for another 3 weeks and oh by the way we are gonna slap a 90 dollar shipping fee on the 10 mile drive we have to make to deliver it to your office. I couldn't have been happier.

Ikea you get a big raspberry from me!!! Sorry about all the ranting posts these days. Blame it on the lack of ergonomically designed furniture in my office. As always have a good day and enjoy. ;)

Why I hate NCLB...

*Views expressed in this blog entry belong soley to those of the author.

First for those of you who don't know what NCLB means it's No Child Left Behind a federally funded (there's the first problem) program that was designed to help make school systems more accountable (there's the second problem) for making sure that students are able to learn the curriculum (again here's the third problem).

Why would I refer to these as problems you might ask? Well were anything is federally funded you are guaranteed to find a bureaucratic nightmare, second the only way a school system has any hopes of being held accountable is where parents take an active interest/role in the educational process, and finally majority of public school curriculum is horrific (mild understatement).

Basically it's money the gov't gives the school system in hopes that it will get to the children who need it and help make sure they have a quality education. How can this possibly be wrong one might think. Well...

What you might not know is that after the funds have been distributed to the school system it is up to the school syster to determine how they distribute the funds to each school and how much per child. Well if you think nothing can go wrong with that then...well...you're just crazy. One local school district (I'll call Podunk Unified School District, PUSD) PUSD decided to hire consultants to figure out the best way to distribute the funds because they were to bass ackwards to figure it out for themselves. Well instead of each child in an approved school getting $1600 a year to spend on supplemental education services they are getting less than $800. A big raspberry to you PUSD! What in the world can you get with $800 dollars over a 9 month period? That's less than a hundred dollars a month! You can barely feed a child let alone buy them educational services they desperately need. And a program that is designed to allow a district like PUSD to rip off these children must be inherently evil in my opinion.

But this isn't the real reason I hate NCLB, but trust me it's coming...the biggest evil is the very system itself not the amount of damage that is done every year to students when too much money and too much stupidity meet to create inefficient, inept, and ineffective spending of gov't funds. But what the program does is give money to schools where students aren't making yearly academic progress for more than 2 years. That doesn't sound too bad right? Wrong...the moment the school does a little bit better they pull the funding. The reason the kids were able to do better in the first place is because of the funding now they have to get sucked back down into the quagmire that is public education and almost drown again before they are offered assistance. It's like you're getting paid for doing bad.

PUSD: Uncle Sam we need money to help pay for educational services and supplies, Johnny uses a coloring book in his English class.
Uncle Sam: Talk to me next year when he's using toilet paper instead.

Unfortunately the problem is helped by PUSD being so unorganized and incapable. The hardest task really falls on the teachers who are expected to teach 5 years worth of material in 6 months without the proper tools or resources.

That's all I have to say about that. Sorry about the rant, but the recent work I've been doing with local school districts is enough to make anyone lose it once in a while.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

The Evans-English Dictionary and other Oddisms...(Revised Edition)

As many of you know my family is famous for either makig up or using phrases that don't make sense and need explanation so I decided to write the first every Evans-English Dictionary to explain our terms. (this is by no means comprehensive) I'll try to use everything in a sentence if possible.

Subject- Better Circumstances

"Comin' up"- to come into a better situation or circumstance.
e.g. Tanika came up (is comin' up), she just got a new job paying good money.

"Layin' on full"- to be doing well either socially, physically, spirtually and especially economically e.g. I know you layin' on full could you loan me a couple of dollars 'til my check come.

"Doin' it big"- doing very well and flaunting it.
e.g. - Uh oh, Tanika's doin' it big, look at her new clothes, those must be Burberry.

Subject - Getting Crazy

"Wilin' out"- to get wild and crazy and do something you wouldn't normally do.
e.g. I'm wilin' out tonight, it's been a long week and I feel like getting crazy.


Subject- Just plain crazy

"Cockeyed Lily" - Someone who has the ability to see in all directions at once because her eyes face different directions.
e.g. I'm Cockeyed Lily, do something behind my back and I'll tell you what it was.

"Dangyball" - an object that is hanging on the end of a string or something of that nature you don't know the name of.
e.g. You have a a dangyball at the back of your throat. OR This woman looked silly today because she didn't know she had a blue dangyball hanging on the back of her dress.

"Snacky Wackys" - the art of adding a y to the ends of words and then repeating the word with a w on the front. So instead of Snack you say snacky wacky or instead of cheese you say cheesy weesy. Used primarily to make yourself sound insane.

"Baby Hair" - the nappy hair at the edge of your scalp you claim is "good hair" i.e. not nappy. You attempt to smooth with gel to make it look "cuite".

"Kitchen" - the back of head (scalp) were naps like to collect.

"Peas" - naps that collect in your kitchen

"Baby Fat" - the gut...oops I meant bare midriff women are determined to show off to the world. Called baby fat for much the same reason it's called "baby hair" in an attempt to make it seem cute when in actual fact it's grotesque.

"Bonkydown" - Any sort of crazy dance you do that expresses your happiness, franticness (word?) 0r insanity
e.g. Tasha was so excited after she won the contest she did the bonkydown.

That's it for the dictionary right now I have to get back to work, but I'd like to leave you with just a litte more crazy.

Crazy nicknames:
My family likes to give nicknames to people that have nothing to do with their real names for example:
Eric - nickname Nuknuk
Andrew - nickname Bonky
Joshua - nickames Jouwoo, Sheboum, Beobutt etc
Tasha - Fafamama
Daniel - Yahyoh
Brianne - Beh
William -Woo, B, Baby Woo
Grandad - (my father) Poopah

But if you think those are crazy you should hear some of the names of my sisters friends or little kids that my mom has taught
-Tiffaniqua
-Jemarkio
-Zjhyvoriah (silent Z)
-R'mani
-Genora

If you have any interesting saying or funny names please feel free to share. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Reasons why I'm triflin'

I've decided to save the post about my trip home until I have time to post pictures as well. But I did want to let you guys know why I'm triflin'. It's simple. I was trying to make sure I had set up a "friends" email account correctly and when I realized I had I noticed some emails from some "people" and of course the titles made me "curious" so I had to read a little bit. Anyway I won't do it again and I'll make sure that I let the "person" know they need to change his/her "password".

Ok that's it for now. Have a good day and enjoy.

East Coasters...

I've definitely been enjoying spending time with my family and unwinding from the fast pace of Los Angeles. Things are definitely a lot slower here in Durham, NC. The other day we were in a restaurant and everyone was moving slowly, eating slowly, talking slowly and suprise surprise no one got impatient or upset by the slow pace. I guess it is a different mentality.

I've been trying to make it a point to observe the people out here so I can think about it when I get back to LA. One thing is certain. People do not get very impatient when they have to wait in line for things. It's like they realize they have to and they don't blow up about it. Not so the Californian. However there are some people out here that would fit in in LA. My older sister for example. She seems to suffer from the Californian road rage. She speeds up driving really fast only to stop on a dime. She gets angry when people don't peel out when the light turns greeen and she makes california left turns. (that means that 2 people can turn left after the light turns red). If it wasn't for her Amish ways she would fit in perfectly in SoCal.

My family is still crazy. I'll be bringing back some interesting phrases when I get to LA. I also think we scared my friend Daniel this weekend because he went to dinner with my family on Saturday and to say we are rowdy is a mild understatement, but he held his own. But I noticed he did laugh a lot. It was like that movie my big fat greek wedding and he was Ian Miller no need to guess who we were. Not helping was the fact that we are from Chicago helping the stereotype. Anyway that's all i have to say for now. I need to hit the showers. I think my sister is going to force us to take a family picture at Sears today. Ugh!!!!

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Button Up!!!

So this Tuesday I'm making tracks for the east coast. Hopefully the leaves will still be changing color and there will be that autumn nip in the air. Sorry all you Californians out there who think you have the best weather in the world. I've learned to keep my mouth shut when people from out here tell me that of course I would want to stay in L.A. it has the best weather in the world. Making comments like "Isn't it great that you can wear shorts and a tank top at Thanksgiving?" While I'm thinking..."Ummm...I don't wear shorts or tank tops!" And believe it or not I actually enjoy NOT getting heat stroke on Christmas Day.

My favorite season is autumn because it's pretty (I know everything is dying) and my allergies don't bother me and it's usually fully of cool winds or BRISK breezes if you prefer. I love it when my cheeks get numb from the cold. I'm a certified weirdo and that's fine. I enjoy having hot cider when I actually need it. Not when I'm acting like it isn't 90 degrees in November and I'm trying to get into the holiday spirit so I drink hot drinks anyway because it's the right time of year while breaking out in a heat rash. Just not my thing.

So I'm gonna visit my family in NC and VA. And hopefully see some friends as well. I'm looking forward to a little calm after the business of L.A. I haven't really been away for any significant bit of time since last year (February) I took a couple of trips to Vegas (but everyone knows that doesn't count) and I also stole away to Vacaville (aka Napa Valley) jk Lauren. I love visiting you. Btw-Dawson wants to visit. I hope you are ready. But it wasn't the same as actually getting away from the big CA for a while and actually seeing the stars and hearing other sounds besides the steady hum of traffic or police sirens. I think my ears will probably ring most of the time, that's what they did when I was in Napa for more than 2 days. They started ringing because I couldn't handle the silence.

I know I haven't written much these days and I'll probably be writing even less because I'll be trying to spend time with my family not time in front of the computer when I'm there. I hope you all have a great week and for those of you celebrating Yom Kippur and Sukkot, May you be inscribed in the book of life. Enjoy the High Holy Days as I will.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Catching my breath...

O.k. so...it's been a while since I last posted. So many things I wanted to say, but clearly I don't want to rehash the past crazy two weeks so lets see if there are any interesting bits.

I went through director training and a crash course in learning my new job over the past week. This is a picture of the office where I work. I know what you are thinking (those of you who have been to LA), there aren't any trees or waterfalls in LA. That's what I thought as well but there are if you create them. I took my friends children on a field trip to the office on Friday and they had such a good time outside sitting by the waterfall enjoying the breeze in their hair they didn't want to leave. When we got home we had to draw pictures and write a sentence about what we saw.

Lisa and Tyler came home from the hospital last weekend. Lisa's parents are visiting and they are extremely funny...Her mother reminds me of my mom because she makes up funny songs. I guess it's a mom thing although I do it all the time. I guess it must be osmosis.

Next week I'm going back to the east coast to visit my family. I'm very excited. I think my trip to NorCal may have taken the edge off the excitement of flying. Nothing will ever beat having the plane you are flying in be jump started with jumper cables...but that's another story. Below is a picture of the plane we flew it (I think) it's the one on the left. Tiny Cessna-172. I learned a lot about Cessna 172s. (Thanks for the pictures Daniel).


















Alright that's all I have to say for now because I have to get back to work. But I hope you all have a good day and enjoy.