Unraveling a twisted thread

Black Canadian History Month?

2010-02-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

The other night I was talking to my precocious 10-year old nephew about Black History Month. We were trying to out do each other concerning who knew more about the achievement of black Americans. I think I won, by one question. He didn't know who Thurgood Marshall was, but I have to say it was a hollow victory considering the huge gap in our age and education. It was encouraging to talk to him about all the advancements and contributions that our people have made to this country, persevering through such adverse circumstances. An amazing example of the triumph of the human spirit over adversity.

Sometimes it's easy for me to think that the struggles of black people were limited to the United States, because that's the way it was taught to me in my history classes growing up. However, this morning I was reading an interesting article about the struggle of the black people in Canada and how they were celebrating black history month as well.

For some reason it never occurred to me that while many slaves were escaping the south to seek freedom in the north of the country, quite a few of them also crossed the border into Canada in hopes of completely escaping the racial prejudices and injustices that were common practice in the United States. Although these were not the only black people to settle in Canada, many blacks who went to Canada seeking freedom quickly found that this wasn't the case. Although not similar to the American south during the time, there was still racism and discrimination because of the native Canadian perception of black people.

There was actually a point when the prime minister of Canada baned any negro person from immigrating. Although this only lasted a year it was symptomatic of the treatment of black people in the country. I started reading about the migratory history of black people into Canada which was fascinating. I also learned about the tension between those of direct African descent and those of Caribbean ancestry.

I decided to take a look at the famous Black Canadians after reading this article and was surprised at what I found. It's weird, but I started feeling a strange kinship with my Canadian brothers and sisters that I never had before.

I decided to devote this blactoid to them. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Blactoid (Canadian Edition): Josiah Henson was a slave born in Maryland who later fled to Ontario, Canada, a refuge for fugitive slaves. As a young boy he was whipped by his father for standing up to a slave owner. Later he was sold away from his family in an estate sale, although was later bought back by the same owner. He saved up $350 over the years in order to buy back his freedom only to find out that that price had been raised to $1000. With little hope of reaching that goal and with the threat of being sold again he fled to Canada in 1830. He founded a settlement and school for fugitive slaves in Dawn, Canada West. He bought a 200-acre piece of land on which to start his settlement and they were quite prosperous for many years.

After working as a farmer he eventual returned to the states as a Methodist preacher and abolitionist, preaching from Ontario down to Tennessee.

Blactoids are Black....I mean Back!

2010-02-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

For those of you eagerly awaiting the return of the blactoid, wait no more. I'm here to share those funny insights as only I can. Each year during the month of February as all the rest of the country celebrates black history, I like to make a contribution as well, that both informs and entertains.

Well I was volunteering for a game night at a local private school a few weeks ago. It was for grades K-3 so most of the kids were under the age of 8. The kids were going around to the different game stations. For some reason the same kids mostly girls kept coming over to my table, I'd like to think it was my winning personality but I'm sure it was the games and the prizes they were winning. One little girl (probably aged 6) was just standing beside me for a long time watching the game. So in a lull between games I asked her what she was learning about in school. She said they were learning about black heroes and Martin Luther King, Jr. and that we had MLK day on January 18. I said yes that's true.

Then I asked her what did Martin Luther do. She said that ...

Rosa parks wanted to sit on the bus, but they wouldn't let her so Martin Luther King started boycotting because there wasn't any freedom. Then because he had a dream that everyone could be treated the same and be free he helped everyone. Now we have freedom all over the world.

She looked to me and said was that right? I said pretty much. I figured I was giving her freedom for poetic license.

I remember when I was a kid and I attended schools where more often that not I was the only ethnic minority in class, so it went without saying I was the only black kid. Whenever we got to black history month everyone in the class would turn their heads and look at me. Like I represented all the black people on earth. I am pretty dark, but still.

I remember reading the glossed over versions of American history in our textbooks and trying to figure out how in the world they got that out of what I already knew to be the truth. I later realized the importance of age appropriate material and understanding truth in stages, but it didn't help at the time.

Blactoid: The movie Song of the South has been a controversial film since it's release on November 2, 1946. However, because most people haven't seen the movie few know exactly why it's considered controversial. A few reasons are because it downplays race relations in the south during the reconstruction era, portraying slavery in a favorable light. It has also been said that the main character Remus is too "Uncle Tom-ish". I could of course go on, but that's enough for now.

Although the movie did receive some positive reviews on it's release it wasn't generally well received throughout the county. I think most importantly, the movie is meant for young children who take things literally so it can pose severe problems which is why it has only ever had limited release and is not available on home video.

Interesting...

2009-09-08T20:29:00.000-07:00

So I've taken tons of those i.q., Myers-Briggs, personality, and ennegram tests. But today I took my first left-brain, right-brain tests. I always have parents talking to me about how they are right-brain and that's why they don't understand math and why their children don't understand math and all that jazz. So out of curiosity I decided to take one.

I mean if you are left-brain you are rigid, routine and analytical. If you are right-brained you are musical, artsy and creative right? But I've always been confused by this. I mean I'm extremely good at math, I'm highly analytical, but I enjoy creating new things, being musical, and I'm extremely visual. If my head wasn't attached I don't think I would ever manage to keep track of it, but at the same time I keep track of projects and deadlines for my department at work. Something isn't right, I can feel it. I also weird my students out when we are doing math problems and I say their answer "feels" wrong even though I haven't worked it out yet. Then we analyze it and it is wrong and they ask how did I do that.

It appeared that I was bi-brained :) So I decided to take the quiz, only to have it confirmed, I was 50/50. I guess my logic and my intuition were right. I only had one quibble with the quality of the tests that I was taking. It asked questions in a dichotomous manner that made it extremely difficult to answer. It kept saying there was no right or wrong, but I kept thinking why can't I pick both, shouldn't there be a continuum here. I mean I like multiple choice, but we should have more flexibility in our choices.

One question was which is easier, algebra or geometry. I thought they are both at an equal level of easiness. I can do them both in my sleep. They both make sense. I don't prefer one of the other. They both have their elegance and beauty and they have a high degree of overlap.

This leads me to assume the test was made by right-brained people trying to "categorize" left brained people because any left brained person would know that in essence for the average person the level of difficulty is the same. Now they should ask the question do you prefer Linear Algebra or Statistics and maybe it would have been a better question.

Oooh it just occured to me that it could be left-brained people trying to "categorize" right brained people and that's why they would make a question like that to through you off in an attempt to be "random", that is so left-brained to be random in an organized and predictable way. Those left-brainers are funny.

Ahhh...enough musing I have an early morning meeting with some no brainers and I'll need all my left-brained ability to sit through it without wanting to jump on the table and start dancing. Then all my right-brained ability to stay entertained when my mind wanders off.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Writer's Block...

2009-07-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

That's the excuse I'm going to stick to for not posting in well over a year. It sure isn't because I've been so rushed off my feet, but exciting life events that I haven't really had time. It's just that I didn't have the necessary inspiration...or something along those lines.

I'd like to say it's because I've spent the last year honing my novel, but sadly it still lacks a proper conclusion, much to the annoyance of my nephew. The short stories I've written since then could fit into a thimble and still leave room for my thumb.

So what have I been doing...well your guess is as good as mine. Maybe you can come up with something better than what I did :)

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Spring in Suisun...

2008-04-21T14:08:00.001-07:00

I had the best time this weekend. I went to visit a friend in Northern California ,where they actually have 3 seasons: hot, not hot and rainy. Much better than LA's 2, unbearably hot and cool. We had a relaxing weekend of vegging out, going to the movies, eating delicious food, and watching British comedy. And contrary to popular opinion on the subject we did leave the house. I also got to try out a bit of interior decorating. And guess what, I'm a dab hand at it! I might go into business for myself if this math thing doesn't work out(clearly I'm joking).

After the past few months of craziness it was nice to just get a little peace and quiet and just stop for a bit. Sometimes we get so busy that when forget how to stop, how to relax, to just take it easy.

I miss it already. Now that I'm back I feel the pace beginning to quicken, pressures starting to move in, and then tension beginning to mount, but then I take a deep breath, close my eyes and think about the weekend and everything slows right back down.

Well that's it for now. As always have a good day and enjoy.

I got an A !!!

2008-04-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

This week beat last week into a cocked hat for craziness. Just when I thought things should be setting down they rev back up :) About half-way through week I definitely thought I was close to losing my sanity. I had actually stared at a computer screen so long that I saw double. Never happened before. I mean I've exaggerated that it's happened before, but it never actually did.

I had another frustrating afternoon of dealing with people who can't respect other people's property to push me over the edge and then the most amazing thing happened. I was at work in the evening and one of my students who I've been working with for the past 2 1/2 years as part of the NCLB program came in with his homework (the second time in the past 2 1/2 years I've worked with him) and showed me a test he received in his Algebra class.

It was an A. I know you're probably thinking, no big deal so he got an A, but it was the first A he's received in Math probably since kindergarten. He said he doesn't even know if he got one then. You could tell he was "busting" with pride in himself that he had accomplished this. I was suffused with pride myself that I was there to witness it and he shared it with me. It was like I made an A for the first time. It was also encouraging to see his father, a single parent, so excited about his son's first A. He was so encouraging towards him that I was definitely getting weepy.

When I first met this kid he was working at about 3 1/2 years behind grade level and to have made an A in a subject that most kids in LA county are failing in is a huge deal. When I saw that look in his eyes, that sense of accomplishment and belief in his potential and abilities all the stress and trauma of the bureaucratic nonsense of the past few months paled into insignificance.

All the hoops didn't seem so bad if just one child's sense of failure was replaced with a since of confidence and belief in his/her own potential. It was very important to be reminded of that.

As always have a great day and enjoy.

Inspiration

2008-04-11T20:08:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!

The sentiments of my week. I've been inspired by a good friend to start posting again. Last week a coworker who used to read my blog asked why I stopped writing. The truth is I've been busy, but I miss being able to express my quippy, quirkly and infrequently witty remarks without interruption. That's certainly why I started.

Sometimes it was just good to have a rant about the week, like in the first line. Or to shed some light on an observation I had made about human nature. Or maybe just frustration at an annoying math publication :)

It was like a trip to the therapist with myself. Unless I'm using someone as a sounding board it rarely helps to talk about things until I've started to untangle them in my mind first, but enough of that.

This week has been crazy to say the least. You know it's bad when you can't wait until Friday to come even though you work on the weekends. It's not the kids of course or the math. I love that always have always will. It's the hoops you have to jump through just to do that. The pursuit of knowledge apparently isn't enough anymore, but alas I am but a small gear in this huge machine of education, turning slowly with the inertia of the system hoping my crooked spoke throws things off track so they can change, hopefully for the better.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Mystery Solved

2007-11-22T08:08:00.000-08:00

About 3 years ago I posted a entry about a joke I heard at my job. It was one of those cheezy jokes on a math page where if you work out the problems you can decipher a hidden message. This morning someone actually sent me a message saying what the answer was. For those of you interested in figuring it out on your own I will have a link to the post containing the answers in the comment.

Here is the joke:
What is the difference between a cheap hamburger and a pulled tooth?

ANSWER

One person found something pretty close at one point, but this contains the actual answer. As a fan of silly jokes I found it tres amusant. Even after 3 years.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and as always enjoy.

Evans Family Christmas

2007-10-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything for a while. Not that my life has been dull or exciting, but mostly because I just haven't felt like it. But something transpired this past week that is worthy of at least a few words. I know I've told people about how my family likes to celebrate holidays at random times of the year, but this year we really took it to the next level and I have pictures. Not only did we celebrate Christmas the first week of October, by listening to music, having decorations, and presents, but everyone who called the house knew of our psychosis and they said Merry Christmas as well. It's spreading.

I thoroughly enjoyed singing familiar Christmas carols while it was 95 degrees outside. I like being different and this is as different as it gets. At least as far as my family is concerned. The major question is will we be celebrating Christmas again. And the answer is a resounding yes. Of course we are. My mother said that the tree won't be coming down until June 2008. There's at least 5 more Christmas celebrations yet.

As always have a good day adn enjoy.

Sometimes I forget

2007-05-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about getting older since my birthday is in a couple of weeks. I was thinking about what point in your life do you stop improving with age and start going down hill. I know, I know depressing thought, but I was thinking that most of the time you don't really notice it until after it happens.

I've noticed that my recall isn't as good as it used to be the other day. I mean I have a really good memory. Especially if I see something. I can recreate a mental picture and see what it is I'm trying to remember. I've noticed recently that I struggle to think of the word I want to use. Instead in it's place I find a vague notion of what I want to talk about. Maybe nobody notices because I'm so absent-minded as it is.

Argh!! Anyway that's it for now. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Quotes...

2007-04-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

Today has been a very crazy day. Whenever I'm about to go on vacation 1001 tiny things come up that seem "so" important. Luckily one that came up today required my signature. It's best that it came up today instead of Wednesday though. But anyway, I wanted to read something lighthearted and I found one of my favorite quotes from the movie "Orange County".

Firefighter: What's your name?
Lance: Uh, Joe... John... uh, Joe-John.
Firefighter: Your name's Joe-John?
Lance: John-ston, Johnston. Joe.
Firefighter: You wanna tell me what happened here?
Lance: Uh, there was a fire, I dunno, I came by and it's... checkin out the fire.
Firefighter: Well that lady uh, Mona? She said that you two were in the building together when the fire started.
Lance: Yeah, she's a liar, cuz I dunno her so whatever, whatever she says is a lie, so... Firefighter: K, so you're saying you weren't in the building with that woman?
Lance: No, not I! Aright, she started it, aright? Because she was like "I hate my job, I'm gonna burn this mother down!" And I said "You better not... you better not!"
Firefighter: She said it was an electrical fire.
Lance: It was. It was a total electrical fire, it was like uh, the switches had sparks comin out, and the sockets, and uh it was like the 4th of July, man!
Firefighter: Why aren't you wearing your pants, Joe?
Lance: I tripped, and uh then I had to take 'em off to run faster out of the flames... [coughing] Lance: I think I inhaled some smoke, will you excuse me one second, I'll be right back. [runs away in the background]
Firefighter: [into walkie talkie] We got a sprinter. Five foot five, no pants, unkempt... portly.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Limits...

2007-03-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

This week I've been reading about limits like physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Whether they actually exist and if they do how do I feel about them and it reminded me of a conversation I had at my last book club meeting. We were discussing whether or not there exists and end of "science" or rather is there an actual end to all knowledge in the universe and if it is possible for humans to actually acquire this knowledge.

We talked about whether there are physical limits that prevent people from actually having the ability to possess this knowledge. I'm of the opinion that human intelligence is a limiting factor on knowledge and others in the group are of a differing opinion.

When I came back from the meeting someone made a joking (I hope they were joking) comment about our group finding some grand unified theory of the universe (in case it hasn't dawned on you yet it's a science book club, most specifically physics). I said I don't think there is a grand unifying theory of the universe. I think there are some approximations that account for some things (i.e. string theory). I feel like this is one of the areas where we have hit our limiting factor. We can approach this knowledge repeatedly from infinitely many directions and still go asymptotically off to zero knowledge of an actual unified theory.

I could try to explain why, but I think few people would truly appreciate the irony of the practice of searching for something that ultimately leaves you with less than you started with.

Anyway that's all that's rolling around the old noggin today.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Professional Jugglers

2007-03-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite personal jokes I use to describe myself with is "I don't multitask, I parse." (parse: definition - To analyze or separate (input, for example) into more easily processed components. ) With the exception of involuntary functions, I'm just not capable of doing two things at once. And if by some small chance I am doing two things at the same time one or both are invariable ruined. The girls who work for me always laugh because if I'm typing on my computer and they start talking to me at some point I realize someone is next to me making noise and turn and look at them with a vacant expression. Now they know to wait until I'm done. Sometimes I look up and a little line is formed for people who want to talk.

I give a pretty good impression of multitasking at times especially when I'm working with children, but what I'm actually doing is scrolling through everyone in the room in my mental database and checking to see if someone needs attention if they don't I move on to the next. Or I take note of hands put in order of priority and scroll. I was talking to a friend on Saturday and he at least agrees with me that multitasking seems impossible, but for some reason by today's standards is held up as the ultimate achievement in success. While my mind boggles at how people are successfully capable of doing more than one thing at a time. I can barely walk and talk at the same time. Sometimes I actually have to stop walking in order to finish a complete thought.

Yesterday I amused my students greatly by a comment I made when I was helping a girl with her physics homework. The problem was a particularly tricky one and I needed to focus all my attention to it so I said, "Hold on a minute I need to go to the bathroom so I can focus on this problem completely." Not realizing that this would be very funny, but everyone started laughing. But the truth is I couldn't focus on the problem while thinking about having to go to the bathroom.

Then I read an excerpt from the July 19, 2004 edition of the Los Angeles Times written by Melissa Healy that read:

------
Multi-tasking, for most Americans, has become a way of life. Doing many things at once is the way we manage demands bearing down on us at warp speed, tame a plague of helpful technological devices and play enough roles - parent, coach, social secretary, executive - to stage a Broadway show.

But researchers peering into the brains of those engaged in several tasks at once are concluding what some overworked Americans had begun to suspect: that multi-tasking, which many have embraced as the key to success, is instead a formula for shoddy work, mismanaged time, rote solutions, stress and forgetfulness. Not to mention car crashes, kitchen fires, forgotten children, near misses in the skies and other dangers of inattention.

So turn off the music, hang up the phone, pull over to the side of the road and take note: When it comes to using your brain to conduct several tasks at one time, "there is no free lunch," says University of Michigan psychologist David E. Meyer. For all but the most routine tasks - and few mental undertakings are truly routine - it will take more time for the brain to switch among tasks than it would have to complete one and then turn to the other.

When the two get squished together, each will be shortchanged, resulting in errors.

And a prolonged jag of extreme multi-tasking, warns Meyer, may lead to a shorter attention span, poorer judgement and impaired memory...

------
The article goes on to talk about studies in people in their 40s and 50s who are struggling with forgetfulness and realize it's a result of depression, stress, and "role overload". I guess my brain has it's own fail safe. It won't let me multi-task full stop unless I feel like tripping over my feet and hitting the ground every 20 - 30 minutes.

Feel free to tell me what you think. As always have a good day and enjoy.

The Dangers of Banlon and Dimples...

2007-03-01T10:56:00.000-08:00

For those of you not familiar with BanLon it's an evil material fabricated as part of a sinister plot to unmask all of a person's physical defects. And knowing this people still willingly wear this "stuff". Ok so if you're a supermodel with the perfect body then it's not that big of a deal (not that a supermodel would ever be caught dead wearing banlon). As you can see from my picture here is a couple that is wearing banlon, not bad. If you are more than 200 pounds with more dimples than a newborn babe, then you should not subject other bus riding passengers to the visual assault of having to watch you stand in full view of everyone with nothing underneath a next to transparent banlon ensemble. It's just not right. How is a body supposed to keep food down in those conditions? It's enough just trying to keep from fainting. Luckily I could resort to my trusting book. The problem was having to look up intermittently to make sure I hadn't passed my stop.

I'm sure there was a "Seinfeld" episode about this.

O.k. I'm done venting, back to my real life.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

The BLACTOID is back!!!

2007-02-20T07:59:00.000-08:00

After an extremely long hiatus from the world of the writing I'm diving back in during my favorite month of the year Black History Month. I know it's a little late in the day to start writing blactoids again, but it wouldn't be February without them.

Over the past year and a half of working with the wonderful children and teachers of the Culture and Language Academy of Success I've definitely come to a deeper understanding of the black culture and how it has shaped and continues to shape our people both in the United States and abroad. What I enjoy most is the under pining of the education program which which is teaching to under performing black students in a culturally relevant way.

As a teacher and trainer in Mathematics I've always believed it to be culturally neutral because, while numbers have history they are accessible to anyone from any background at any level. However what I have discovered both in working with the students and teacher training sessions is that when teaching math in a way that makes sense, which is the main focus of the Mathnasium program, it's important to realize that culture plays a very large part. Like any other subject true understanding comes from making a real connection to the subject and being able to place what you've learned in the context of everyday life. For most students in low performing school finding the solution for a system of equations makes absolutely no sense to them however making sure you have enough money after they have taken the sale discount percentage off an item does.

It's been a really great year with CLAS and I look forward to the continued academic progress of all the students. To that end I've decided that Mathematicians should be my blactoid focus.

Blactoid: Their are many great mathematicians of the African Diaspora, not least of all myself who are impacting both the mathematics and science world today. As you know I love focusing on women and one who has done well recent is Katherine Okikiolu, Born to Nigerian and British parents, but educated in the U.S., (was once on Princeton's faculty) received special distinction in 1997 when she was the first Black to win a Sloan Research Fellowship. Later in 1997, she won the Presidential Early Career Awards for Scientists and Engineers for "Innovative research in geometric analysis, particularly the determinant of the Laplacian under smooth perturbations, and developing student workshops and mathematics curricula for inner-city children." This particular award is worth $500,000 and is only granted 60 scientists and engineers in the U.S. per year. Okikiolu's work on elliptical differential operators is considered a major contribution, going well beyond what experts had considered feasible, given the current state of knowledge. Her 2001 publication Critical metrics for the determinant of the Laplacian in odd dimensions in the Annals of Mathematics, is receiving high acclaim. She is Associate Professor of Mathematics at the University of California at San Diego.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Happy Holidays...on to '07!

2007-01-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

I decided to do a post in reflection, capturing the essence of '06 Tanika style by discussing the highs and lows of 2006 in the most rapid fashion possible. Here goes...AHHHHHHHH!

And there you have it :)

But seriously it was definitely a very hectic year, between my work, personal life, social life, and family I'd be hard pressed to keep the events under 10, 000 words, but I will.

Highs...

-Trying new things such as knitting, ice skating, mahjong (ok so I'm not that wild, I'll be crazier in '07 give me time), and going on a cruise with my family to the Caribbean (I'm officially addicted)

-Making more of an effort to engage people socially
-Personal breakthroughs that if you know them good and if you don't, you're better off

-Having my family come visit for the holidays

-Visiting college roomies in DC and learning all the PTO lingo and having an incredible time (I will discuss in my next post)

Lows...

-Health issues (refuse to elaborate)
-Work Stress (not the kids, but learning how to balance work and personal)

-Struggles in my personal life that I'm still working through

Since my highs outnumber my lows it must have been a great year. To finish off my recap of both the year and the holidays I'll leave you with some pictures of the family. Have a great day and as always enjoy.

All that Glitters...

2006-12-16T11:05:00.000-08:00

As the day rapidly approaches for my family to come and visit me I find myself answering questions for them about what we will do, see, eat, etc. And the more I talk to them the more I realize that most of them have misconceptions about what to expect when you get to Los Angeles. The only one who has visited before is my little sister and she too finds it hard to dislodge the image that Los Angeles projects to the world.

It's funny, but I've been trying to recall what I anticipated when I first got here. I guess after living in Chicago and visiting New York I had LA all planned out and I was wrong. I forget how much of what I thought about LA had been formed from television, movies, songs, and hearsay. My older sister tries to tell me she already knows what it's like because her friends who have visited have told her, but she doesn't realize and what I and all immigrants to LA had to realize is visiting is one thing living here is another. Unless you came and stayed for more than a month you don't have a clue.

Los Angeles is one of the largest cities as far as land and people and is virtually impossible to see unless you can stay for more than a month. As a matter of fact I just went to a part of the city that I've never been to last night and I've lived here 4 years. And what I've found from everyone who's moved here it's never what you first imagined especially if all you know about is television. Los Angeles Demographics and Economics report will show that majority of people are not only unemployed, but homeless as well. A majority of the people live 250% below the poverty level. Los Angeles has one of the worst and overcrowded school districts that have been riddled with academic failure.

I'm not trying to discourage anyone from visiting just to realize that over course they make it seem glamorous on t.v. and of course there are wonderful things to do and see here and lots of fun to be had, but that about 90% of the population never sees that.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

"Can I quote you on that..."

2006-12-06T23:09:00.000-08:00

In a mildly ego-centric moment I decided to google myself to see if it was still easy to find me. And up it still is. No excuses for anyone out there trying to find Tanika Evans. And you know what the best part is. My picture is the only one that comes up in images when you google me. Does this mean I need help...yes it does.

Anyway as I was looking I saw that I was quoted (the one I'm in is at the bottom of the page about math of course) in about saying that "If you ask a 9 or a 10 year old their favorite subject, they probably won't say math" I forgot I did this interview a while ago regarding an math intervention program I did with Mathnasium at a Los Angeles charter school called C.L.A.S.

I have to admit that was a very challenging undertaking and now as the director of the Mathnasium in that charter school I'm finally seeing the benefits of the educational seeds we sowed. I won't name names, but there are a few kids who attend that school that have been struggling in math and their parents enrolled them in the program and I've noticed how secretly they are excited about finally understanding things they thought they never would be able to, or having things explained in a way that makes sense. Why do I say secretly...well because it's still not "the thing" to be into math yet. We're working on it, but I see the change in their confidence and abilities and I guess that's what really matters.

Anyhoo back to looking at other people on the internet. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Behind the Music...*NSYNC

2006-12-04T23:20:00.000-08:00

Ok...yes it is late at night and I'm online with nothing better to do, but I would like to take these idle moments to discuss a situation that I'm sure is on everyone's mind. What led to the break up of *NSYNC. Much like boy bands before them and the ones that will come after they enjoyed a few years of pop success only to fall apart with most of the members falling into social and economic obscurity, while one member rises steady in the limelight.

From the time people realized harmonies sound good and someone thought they were the best, to the name change from Jackson 5 to Michael Jackson and the Jacksons, including all the KC's and Jo-jos and everyone else who started as a part of a group to the tragic demise of the group, the rise and fall of the boy band has been ever in the public eye.

So we turn our focus to *NSYNC. With all the "talent" in the group why did they only last through the 90s? Why is Justin Timberlake enjoying and solo career while other band members struggle to make ends meet, attending C-list celeb parties?

I'll tell you why...there was first the classic mistake of only giving 2 members lead vocal time on most of the "radio play" songs. The problem is that in general most boy bands of their day sound exactly alike and the only mildly distinguishable "quality" is the lead vocals voice (or lake of quality, whatever). What you are left with is the fact that if anyone else sings lead no one else knows which group they are listening to and therefore doesn't care.

Second reason for the decline, the lead vocal can also not be a whinny, begging sort of guy. Because no matter what his voice sounds like women like that. As far as they are concerned the rest of the group can go take a flying leap. How else would you explain people like Keith Sweat, Levert, Johnny Gill, Luther Vandross, etc.

Third reason...one member is not allowed to look less ridiculous than the others. Justin Timberlake used to sport a ridiculous blond afro now he has a nice even low.

Fourth to combine all these in one video which is basically a combination of all three of these and add to that JT's massive ego. It was merely a matter of time. After Bye, Bye, Bye I knew it was the end for *NSYNC. There were all about to say bye, bye, bye :)

Anyway that's all I have to say about that. It's time to go to bed.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Black Santa?

2006-12-01T23:47:00.000-08:00

It was the Christmas of my 15th year and my family and I were busy with our holiday activities and plans. I had recently become friends with a Spanish foreign exchange student and his host family. We started going out and since this was before I was able to drive and my aversion to cars had set in my mother had to ferry us to and fro. As Christmas day drew near Tony's host family decorated their house and lawn with various Christmas paraphernalia such as a sleigh, reindeer and of course the piece de resistance, a jolly Santa Claus.

The first day Santa made his appearance we picked Tony up while it was still light outside, my mom dropped us off at the local teen hangout, we had a good time and then as we were dropping Tony off for the evening after nightfall we noticed something peculiar about the Santa in the yard...His skin was of a darker nature than what one would expect from Santa. On the way home my family and I discussed the possibility of their being a black santa in the yard. We found this odd as neither Tony nor his host family were black. We debated back and forth about whether or not the Santa was black. I being of the mind that Santa wasn't black and they being of the mind that he was. Not reaching any sensible conclusions we all went to bed.

The next time we went over to Tony's if was after night fall and as we sat in the car waiting for him to come out we studied Santa's face and I was more convinced than ever that it was merely the thickness of the plastic causing Santa to appear to be of a more ethnic origin. My family begged to differ. We argued about this until Tony came out. Still no solid conclusions.

At this point I know what you are thinking, why don't we stop this ridiculous conversation or better still why not just look at the Santa during the day. Well first, my family would never drop an argument no matter how trivial and second looking at Santa during the day smacked a little too much of common sense.

Over the next week we debated back and forth about the Santa. Then one night over a family gab session things got pretty heated. We all were presenting our case for the ethnicity of Santa we had pictures, drawings, light meters, and light diffusion through medium charts, but to no avail. As the night wore on and none of us would budge we decided to go inspect the Santa...mind you it was well after midnight at this point. So we all threw on our coats and drove over to Tony's where we argued heatedly in the car about the ethnicity of the lawn Santa. None of us would get out of the car because a) it was freezing and b) we didn't feel like getting arrested for the nutcases we were by creeping over the yard and inspecting the Santa.

Now after all this and all these years I can't very well tell you what conclusions we came to that night, but I will say this I'm sure I was right :)

I hope everyone enjoys this holiday season and if for some reason this might be a difficult time for you and you don't have happy memories of Christmas past just think about my story and remember how lucky you are not to be as crazy as my family is.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Telationship rips?

2006-11-17T18:48:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time I, a self-proclaimed connoisseur of relationship folly(especially the male/female kind), wrote what I will fondly refer to as tips about relationships. Not necessarily romantic relationships, but what I hoped were tips that were useful in other relationship arenas as well.

Over the past year however as I've struggled in personal growth and development I've been spending so much time looking at my internal struggle that I've neglected the external struggles around me. Each of us has so much going on within ourselves and with those closest to us that there is never a shortage of examples of what might, could, and does go awry in human relationships. Once someone asked me why I don't like dramas, be it film, television or books, and I replied because I have so much going on in my own life and the life of those around me that I don't need to be stressed out about some more that isn't even real.

The real question is are we looking at them? Learning from them? Dare I say it, maturing as a result of them? As I shared in the previous post recently someone I know was talking to me about a relationship dilemma they had. The topic of the conversation...unrequited love (or other lesser, but still meaningful emotion). Recently I've been having this same conversation with different people. I've spoken to both men and women, requiter and requitee, and even mildly biased observers of the situation. And whether we like it or not as long as people are attracted to people and other people aren't, unrequited love will always be an issue.

After recently watching a clip from one of Madea's live performances, I was again reminded of one really important thing. If you want to be with someone and they don't want to be with you...let them go, and move on. Now I'm not saying moving on is easy or that you will get over it quickly, but if you don't try you will be that person that annoys all your friends with "Woe is me, why won't he/she love me, why can't we be together" sob stories over and over again. You will also be the person who can't have an emotionally stable relationship with anyone else because you will always be thinking about what might have been. Nothing kills peace and happiness faster that the "what ifs" and "might have beens".

Now on the flip side if you are the unrequitee (is this a word) you're also faced with the tough decision of dealing with the unrequited love. How do you handle it when someone comes to you and professes feelings that you don't return and usually wasn't even thinking about returning? Well the best thing is to be honest with that other person because there's nothing more vulnerable than a person who has just put themselves out their emotionally and from the people I've been speaking with there is nothing worse than false hope, except probably the instant where you realize it was false hope. There are so many people walking around with bitterness right now because someone held that false hope out to them that something could happen when they knew it wouldn't. The next thing to do would be to take a time out and examine your feelings because maybe it's possibly the love isn't unrequited after all, but if you need that time tell the other person, please. A soul-destroyer exercise is one that involves open ended emotional stress and tension.

Now after all this has been worked out no new relationship has been formed, there is a tendency for the unrequitee to want things to go back to the way the used to be, to want to "still be friends", but that isn't going to happen. As long as men and women are different, this won't happen, unless both parties are mature enough to handle the shift in the relationship. You have to understand that 99% of the time it wasn't anything the unrequitee knowingly did to stir affections beyond friendship, but they feel like they needed to be guarded and that changes the entire relationship from easy going friendship to high tension.

Be that as it may, I'm at the end of this for now. No conclusions of what can be done, but at least I know what's going on :) well, mostly.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Depth, Porcupines and other Hodgepodge

2006-11-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

The other day an employee of mine came to me with a serious personal problem they wanted to talk over and ask some advice about. It was concerning a matter of the heart which at the best of times can be a tricky business. I listened patiently and gave them my honest opinion of the subject, but said ultimately it was there decision to make. Another emotional employee crisis averted, right?

When I took on the role as director I initially realized that I was going to be dealing with things that were beyond my hitherto experience. Learning how to run a business, effective time management (still haven't gotten that down) and coordinating human and physical resources to accomplish goals. What I hadn't anticipated was being a "counselor" for lack of a better term. Since day one though it's been a full time job in and of itself.

I'm am an intensely private person and wouldn't dream of ever talking to my boss about personal problems. Not that he wouldn't listen as a matter of fact he's always getting on me about not talking to him more. But I now realize that between employees, adminitrators, and students they're coming, ready or not. Most people can't function very well in their professional lives when they are having drama in their personal lives (this had not really occured to me until this week, I know I'm slow on the uptake).

At the beginning of this week another employee came to me with a problem of a more serious nature. I felt completely inadequate to the task of assisting so I just listened and suggested they speak with someone with more experience in that area. I also have been slowly finding out that when people's personal lives are haywire they don't compartmentalize like I do (the ever resilient porcupine), but instead their personal lives not only leak into their professional ones they postively flood. If those problems aren't dealt with then they aren't as effective at work which causes even more problems.

I find myself emotionally drained at the end of the day after dealinng with the various and sundry situations shared with me throughout the day. I'm not expecting any solutions to this I just needed to pull a (what they do to me all the time) on my own blog. I guess people do like talking to me when they have a problem (even me).

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Why I like Pigs So Much....

2006-11-13T19:28:00.000-08:00

If you've hung out with me for more than 15 minutes you'll know that not only do I like pigs more than is probably healthy, I also collect them, wear articles of clothing that with pigs on it, and I have a pig on my desktop and somehow attached to all websites I currently manage.

Out of all the animals I could have a yen for so to speak why, you might ask (as a bunch of kids asked me a couple of days ago) would I like pigs? First of all the reason I even started liking pigs was because originally I didn't like them. I know this sounds crazy, but when I was younger I spent a couple of field trips visiting farms and inevitably there were pigs. One of the farmers who also liked pigs was showing me how smart they are and how friendly they are. As I started learning more about them I realized how amazing they are. And I realized that it's easy to get put off by the outward appearance of something without looking deeper. That's when I got my first pig, Levin who I still have to this day sitting up on my bookshelf. Now I like pigs because I actually think they are cute. I guess that's what happens when you love something, you see the beauty that is there even when no one else does. Now I like pigs on a different level because they remind me that it's easy to judge by outward appearances, but remember I should be more concerned about what's inside.

Another reason I like pigs is because they have personality. Yeah I know that's what everyone says, but it's probably because they have personality similar to mine. If you read that article you'll know it's pretty much true. Unlike most other animals, cats being the exception (unless you are feeding them), pigs are aloof and don't trust easily. You have to earn their trust a few treats and neck rubs aren't going to do the trick. They are also very intelligent. And they are more trainable than dogs, and unlike most animals, have the learning skills of primates. They are also very loyal to who they bond with, friendly, patient, and enjoy listening to music. What's not to like?

But I know everyone doesn't agree with me. Someone, in their "wisdom", tried to tell me why I shouldn't like pigs. First of all they are so dirty, when in actual fact if you read links I've included you'll see that they like to keep their living areas clean. Yes, they roll around in mud and dirt, but most people aren't smart enough to figure out why. The truth is that pigs have extremely fair skin and if they don't coat themselves in dust and mud they will get sunburned. I've been on plenty of farms in the summer, never seen a sunburned pig. However, in LA (and I won't even confine it to the summer), I see people sunburned all the time. I of course don't have this problem, but when I ask why they don't use sunblock I get ridiculous answers like they forgot or all my burns turn to tan (or as I like to think of it: skin cancer). A pig is smart enough to not get sunburned are you?

Yeah I know none of you are going to go out and start proclaiming the wonders of the porcine nature, but maybe next time you'll look past that wriggling snout to those sharp intelligent eyes and think, "Maybe you're not so bad after all."

As always have a good day and enjoy.

If it wasn't for those meddling kids...

2006-11-11T14:06:00.000-08:00

Recently, someone who I work with was telling me how they want to have 11 children. Personally I was in mild shock because I was wondering how they would support this number of children on their current budget. Maybe they were thinking of the number they wanted if they won the lottery.

I was also baffled because I couldn't figure out how in the world this person who could barely handle 3 kids a time would even try to have more than that. I know there's a book about it taking a small village to raise a child, but you don't have to have your own village.

I guess I had this strong reaction because recently I've seen some parental examples that have left much to be desired. I can only imagine what it must be like growing up, day in day out feeling helpless and trapped in a bad situation that you have no control over. And before anyone starts jumping all over me, no I don't have any children of my own, but I have helped raise 3 and I've been working with children for more years than I care to tell you because then you'll know my age. But I don't need to be a parent to see when a child is hurting.

Sometimes I feel so ineffective when I see them struggling and unsure and I can't really do much of anything and it's pretty hard to try to reassure them that things will get better. I look into young eyes that should show eager inquisitiveness and I see cynicism and hopelessness. I've observed the arbitrary methods that some parents use with their children. I try to tell myself that it's merely a misguided but serious attempt to raise them correctly, though I know it isn't.

Then I am amazed at a child's ability to overcome all of these things and still have dreams and goals. To not give into the despair of their circumstances.

It's been a rough week. Feel free to comment.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

IQ Obsession

2006-11-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted for a while, but I've been busy with this, that and the other. My most recent obsession being IQ tests. I know what most of you are thinking. About how biased they are and how they don't really measure what a person knows. They don't test in areas that don't allow for quantitative analysis. And you'd be right.

So what is the purpose of an IQ test? I read an interesting article that partially answers that question. Not fully but it's very interesting. I guess I recently became obsessed with them because of the standardized testing whether it's a state test, SAT, ACT, or the CAHSEE, that I have been helping students prepare for. I noticed a strong correlation between these tests and IQ tests I have seen in the past.

Whether you like it or not testing, whether written or oral, is essential for the accurate assessment of an individual to determine how best to serve them in the process of acquiring and assimilating information. Fortunately or unfortunately as society "progresses" the need for highly developed skills and knowledge is essential to be "successful" if you don't care about that then don't read the rest of this post, if you do then continue. Education, in whatever form it takes, is an integral part of this. So making sure a child can receive maximum benefits from their education is also important. Hence the need for testing which allows for the ability to customize based on individual needs as opposed external standards.

From personal and professional experience in education, testing, evaluating and tutoring I have noticed that students who have consistently low standardized tests scores, regular test scores, and poor classroom performance struggle more academically than those with consistently higher marks. This doesn't mean that many outside factors don't contribute to these scores, but that for whatever reason the student is unable to demonstrate critical thinking skills and knowledge they should have acquired up to whatever level they are testing.

I have worked with MANY students who according to their marks from various tests and classroom grades are Below Basic and Far Below Basic, where Basic is considered to be at grade level according to state standards. Most of those students have been successful as a result of the programs that I have used with them, but it required many ours of individual attention and academic struggle on the side of the student. Where as the students who I have worked with that are Above Basic or Advanced usual require minimal instruction with the exception of topic introduction and demonstrating a few examples to obtain information that according to state standards they should know. And quite a few of them are able to figure things out on their own even if they encounter a new topic because of their highly developed critical thinking skills, logic, and knowledge acquisition abilities.

Essentially the major purpose of all the tests that are being developed is to see how effective someone is at demonstrating the critical thinking skills, logic, and knowledge acquisition abilities and retention. Because the truth is, that's what it takes to be successful in our current society.

If any of you would like to argue the point fine, but consider this first. When you are at work and your boss gives you a problem to solve. Does he/she come back later and ask you if you know about the problem and a possible solution or Does he/she come back to see a solution(s) to the problem or optimally to see you have already solved the problem?

If it's the former where do you work and why isn't it out of business and if it's the latter then obviously you have a job in the real world.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Man...p2

2006-09-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

...picking up where I last left off is mildly difficult because so many other interesting things have been happening, that I would like to diverge from my current course of posts and write about those things. However I have ADD so bad that if I do that then I'll never get back on track. So back to unraveling my twisted thread...

A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with an 8 year old girl I've been working with. She asked, "Tanika, why do people want to try and touch stars?" and I said, "Because they think they are really beautiful and look like jewels shining in the sky." Thinking this was the end of that particular conversation I was returning back to our work when she said, "But that doesn't make any sense. First, they are so far away it would take them forever to get to them even if they were going really fast, second the stars are made of burning gas so even if they could touch it, it would probably kill them. Don't they know that?" And I of course said yes most people know that stars are made up of burning gases. She said then why do they say they want to touch them then. I told her I would have to get back to her on that one.

I was reflecting on this over the weekend, thinking how the perception of holding a star and the reality of holding a star reflect how I view men and my relationships with them. No I don't think men are stars. But when I think about the relationships I've had with men in the past both romantic and nonromantic. I thinking about how this epitomizes my approach to relationships with men as more than friends. When I think about how beautiful being with some could be or how wonderful it could to have that level of intimacy with someone I want to be as close I as I can possibly get, holding it close to my heart. But the reality is that much like a star it's really this huge chaotic, roiling mass of gases and chunks of rock. I think about how heated, chaotic, and dangerous my relationships with men have been in the past and I'm reminded of what could happen if I try to hold this thing close to my heart. I will be burned. I think about my own inner turmoil and I wonder why I would want to add that into my equations.

tanika's inner life = chaos

tanika's inner life + man = catastrophic chaos

But I forget the first thing I said to the 8 year old. There is a beauty in those stars that others can see. They see more than the beauty they see it's origins and it's endings. They see the beautiful complexity of balance and light and even knowing that trying to hold it close to you will be dangerous, they still desire to touch the star.

I on the other hand can't get past the burning ball of gas. Sometimes though I forget and I see only the beauty and I am entranced into reaching, stepping closer but as I hold out my hand I remember what I'm actually trying to hold and my heart turns cold and I look away no longer interested in touching any more until he next time, the beauty catches my eye.

Does this mean that I don't currently have friendships that are nice with men? No it doesn't, but I do notice that I tend to avoid conflict in those relationships (truthfully I avoid conflict in most relationships). I do have conflict, but I like it resolved as quickly as possible otherwise I get sick thinking about something where I'm in conflict with someone and it negatively affects all aspects of my life. I'm not a conflict ignorer which some people confuse this with. If something isn't right I will say something, but I'm usually diplomatic and if I'm not then I must feel so strongly about it that I'm risking falling out with someone over it, and the risk is worth it to me.

I was talking about this with some friends this weekend and I never really realized this about myself until that moment. Truthfully speaking this weekend was one for epiphanies and will definitely spark some posts and short stories in the future. Alright I have to get back to the daily grind, just kidding I love my job.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Man...p1

2006-09-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

I've decided to get back to the most unpleasant task of attempting to unravel the twisted thread that is my thoughts, emotions, and feelings with a topic that I've been pondering for nigh on 27 years. Ok if I'm truthful it's more like 22 years, but really when I'm senile will it matter?

I was in conversation with some friends at a barbecue last week and we were discussing the female disillusionment of the male and believe it or not there were a few straight guys participating in this conversation so it wasn't some sort of male bashing party. I actually brought up a comment a male friend of mine said to me recently about how a lot of women, at least in LA have made it difficult for a guy to be tender, gentlemanly or sensitive because of the strong, independent, anti-male stance they have taken towards guys. Although he is still a nice guy, he says when he tries to approach a woman in a sensitive and caring manner he is usually shut down, rejected or whatever you want to call it, he said after that happens to a man a few too many times it makes him harder and rougher towards women in order to actually have a semi-decent relationship with someone. I know this doesn't make sense, but that's what he said. Then I said women generally behave that way in order to protect themselves because they too have been approached a time too many by men who aren't trying to be sensitive or caring.

Argh!!! I've gotten off track from my original purpose. Anyway this conversation started my thoughts towards my feelings toward the opposite sex. Pressure from friends and family to get together with someone, settle down, and start a family notwithstanding I'm generally wary of the opposite sex and for various reasons I'm not particularly interested in having a long term (i.e. marriage) relationship with one of them now or in the future. Please reread the previous sentence and make sure you understand what I just said instead of jumping to to the conclusion that I said I don't ever want to get married because that isn't what I just said.

This past year I've been struggling with a lot of the aforementioned reasons from the past and present about my feelings toward men trying to separate out truth from fiction and how I can best reconcile my issues and decide what I really want in life. I can't say if there has been any progress because I really feel like I've been running around my issues in circles instead of really addressing them head on.

In an attempt to redress this I thought back to some of my first memories of crushes, interactions with men, and impressions of male behavior and I remember making a comment to my mother who still thinks this is a funny story, but which really gets to the heart of one of the things I've struggled with my whole life. Some of you already know this because you've heard her tell this story, but when I was 6 years old I told her quite succinctly that when I grew up I wanted to marry a weak, white man. Notice my adjectives. Not just a white man, but a weak one. I wanted someone who I could feel safe with who was non-threatening and when I looked around this is what I came up with. When pressed by family and friends to justify my choice in a marriage partner I told them that I wanted someone who wouldn't give me any problems, that I knew if he tried something I'd whip his (insert expletive here). I was a foul mouthed 6 year old by the way. Coming from a metropolitan area and being the child of someone in the military I had the opportunity of traveling quite a bit even before I turned 6 years old and I had observed/experienced the behavior of single and married men towards friends, family, and coworkers. I had, at that tender young age, found what I was looking for. I didn't want romance, weddings with a zillion bridesmaids, or children out the wazoo. I wanted security and safety. You see at that time I thought everyone had to get married I didn't realize that there was this option of actually staying single and enjoying my life.

When I was growing up I never had a pretend wedding, talked about what I would name my children, thought about the guy I would marry and what he would be like. I'm not saying I haven't dated or haven't been interested in or attracted to men romantically, but if I ever dreamed of being with someone for the rest of my life he has always been faceless. There have been guys who I've really be interested in and definitely thought of in the sense of being with them, but the more I dwelt on the idea to more I went off it. This isn't an offence to any of the guys out there who I have dated but the thought of spending the rest of my life with any of them made me want to vomit then and thinking about it now makes me want to vomit. That's sounds harsh but it's what I felt then and what I feel now. I realize it wasn't really them it's me. The thought of being in a relationship with someone for the rest of my life makes me feel trapped, constrained and vaguely nauseated.

I've grown older, I've matured, and I've learned a lot about life, the good, the bad, and the ugly and while now I have plenty of guy friends who I enjoy the company of and love spending time with them, deep inside I still have the same feelings of that 6 year old. I wasn't really interested in being married to a weak, white man in particular. I wasn't really interested in being married at all. It was more about what I wasn't interested in being married to.

As you can see by the title that says p1 (meaning part 1) I have come to no conclusions and this is what I'm thinking now. I might be thinking something completely different tomorrow.

Married...with children!

2006-08-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Lisa sent me a message asking about the origin of a name. When I got home I told her it was Moroccan. She laughingly says of course you would know that Tanika. I on the other hand thought it was common knowledge which just proves how unaware I am of things at times. She asked me what language they spoke in Morocco and I said French, Arabic and English (I forgot about Spanish until this morning). She wondered how in the world I know anything about Morocco and I casually dropped the bombshell that I had been engaged to a man from Morocco for about 2 months.

I hadn't realized that I never told her about that. You become so comfortable with your life that minor details like that slip your mind because you assume that if people know you then they know things like that about you. Anyway she mentioned it would be funny to put this in a blog post to mess with other people like I messed with her. However, like I told Lisa last night, I was actually engaged to this man for about 2 months, though it was unofficial until we had parental consent.

To give you a little history. I met him when I was 15 years old and he and a group of his friends were visiting the United States. I heard a group of guys trying to figure out how to get downtown and trying to get directions. The only problem was they didn't speak any English, they were speaking French. Of course with the eagerness of my budding language skills I offered my assistance and quickly hit it off with aforementioned fiance. They went downtown and I went shoe shopping with my mother. As I pondered the fate of the traveling Moroccans, I used my cunning intellect and my silver tongue to convince my mother we needed to go downtown to make sure these guys reached their destination. I wouldn't have felt right if they were lost in a strange city of non-French speaking people.

We found them downtown (after some serious searching on my part) and met up had dinner and some good times. I exchanged information with Mr. R (as I will refer to my ex-fiance) and over the course of the next year we corresponded spoke on the phone and he visited the U.S. twice to see me. I was a precocious teenager. Needless to say our relationship progressed to a point where the next logical step was marriage. At least for him. Realize I'm a 16 year old at this point just trying to enjoy myself. I refuse to tell you how old Mr. R is because I know you will only say "I knew it Tanika!" Anyway I knew the matter was becoming serious when he suggested our parents meet to discuss my dowry. To shorten this story, clearly we didn't get married, I'm still single. The problem was he wanted to get married then. I was going to have to stop school and move to Morocco. As you can tell my mom was pretty laid back about all this, but she was adamant that I was going to finish school first. There was also the religion issue. He wanted me to become a Muslim, but I didn't want to. My mom wouldn't give her consent so we would have to wait until I was 18. He didn't want to wait and shortly there after we stopped talking. I mean what else was there?

I always wondered what would have happened if my mom said yes and gave her consent. Would we have been able to work out our differences? Would I be married in Morocco speaking French with 15 million kids? I guess we'll never know.

Anyway, now you know a little bit more about me. I guess I'm not a guts spilling sort of person and even though something momentous happens, it gets relegated to the back of my mind to be replaced by more immediate issues.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Long Time, No Post

2006-08-07T12:34:00.000-07:00

I wanted to make sure I got a post in before August flew by at the same harrowing speed as May, June and July. It's been crazy down here in the CC since the beginning of last month. As the "summer" draws to a close (actually in LA it starts getting hotter at the end of August and September) the pace will only continue to quicken, so in light of that I've decided to start enjoying my free time more.

As an addendum to the last post and any other posts inspired by it, I've decided to start making positive efforts toward connecting with people (not necessarily everyone), sharing things I love with people who also love them as well, and getting out and enjoying my life just a little bit more.

Ok I know that was cheesy, but hey this is coming from a person who is afraid of soggy cereal so what do you expect? I've been taking the initiative more in my relationships with people. I realize that part of the problem is my own reticence and the other part is other people's. I was talking to a friend the other day who happens to have their birthday in the same week as my own (born in the same year) and we were saying that as we get older we realize how much of our lives have passed without truly enjoying them or living them, at least the way we want to live them.

To that end, I did something Friday night that I have never done before and it was great!! Sort of, I mean the hysterical screaming part wasn't that great but everything else was kinda cool. Oh yeah my legs are pretty sore as well, but I figure that's a small price to pay. That's just what happens when you are running from boiling hot lava I suppose. Then when the evening ended with a drunken brawl, I knew I was living life. Who wouldn't love frolicking on Venice Beach in the middle of the night?

Have a good day, and as always enjoy.

The balance of power...in my mind

2006-06-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

To explain what I mean by balance of power, the overarching theme of my struggles over the past year , taking place in my mind, stems from my desire to have deep genuine community with others battling with my need for personal space because the interaction I'm getting is overwhelming, draining and usually of a superficial nature which annoys me and eventually sickens me causing me to lose my desire for close relationships with others because of our lack of ability to connect. This in turn causes me to realize that I don't have genuine community with anyone and I desire it again only to encounter community of the same type that annoyed me before. Over the past several months I have been meditating on the subject of conflict both in my personal life and in my social life. Recently at Kairos they were talking about conflict, way to resolve conflict, and why it's important to resolve conflict.

I started thinking about the conflict in my own life and how I let it dictate to me who I am and how I feel. Most specifically my internal conflict, or least what I perceive as "internal". This past year has been a rough one , I've had work issues, issues from my past, family problems, major health issues, and a million and one other tedious things that drive a person crazy come up and I've struggled to deal with them, hopefully over come them, or at the very least live with them. The key here is that I'm saying I dealt with them, not we, but I. I'm not saying my family and friends weren't supportive, but I felt something missing even in the midst of supportive efforts.

One of the things that have made these things cause more turmoil inside of me is me. I know, I know, why would I make things worse for myself, but that's part of my conflicted nature as well. Over the past year I've been feeling disconnected from the Christian community that I'm a part of as well as the other communities in which I interact. This has been difficult for many reasons mostly because of my desire to have a few people who I feel connected to that understand me, love me, but still challenge me.

The disconnectedness in the Christian community is the hardest for me to deal with because the reason I moved out to the west coast in the first place was to be a part of the very community from which I now feel estranged. Because of my personality, there are few people that I don't feel a need to have a distance with in the first place. However this past year because of pressure of work that made it difficult to interact in social functions or gatherings coupled with personal life stress that made me want to pull away from other people around me I've felt my distance from people even more. An interesting point the was made in one of the talks at Kairos was that when there is a problem with one part of the community if affects the entire community. I thought about that in relation to myself. I was thinking that even though I feel that my struggles are personal and internal they are actually affecting the entire Christian community regardless of how connected or disconnected I feel from it. I'm still a part of it.

Hence one of the things that caused me great personal conflict early this year. I have had a combination of health issues which I won't go into now. But they reached a point of severity where I needed to go to the hospital. I called someone who I'm good friends who I don't mind talking about things with and told them I need some assistance as I wouldn't be able to get to the closest hospital under my own steam. They weren't going to be able to do it so that called a mutual friend of ours. This person took me to the hospital much to my relief and in concern asked what was wrong. Now I understand that in a community we are all concerned and we care about other people and when someone is hurt we want them to get better, we pray for them other things as well. However my health issues were of a personal nature of which I would only feel comfortable discussing with close friends. After I returned home and through the next few months I received extremely personal inquiries about my health from people who barely know me. This let me know that what I considered a personal problem had definitely affected others around me. The only problem was they didn't realize how insensitive I found it when they would ask me something that I really felt was none of their business because of the nature of the problem, when it was from people who I barely exchange pleasantries with. This made me so upset that I didn't want to talk to anyone for quite sometime following. I'm the type of person who doesn't feel comfortable talking about mundane subjects with people that I'm not close to let alone personal matters and it bothered me that people who wouldn't say things to me in other circumstances felt that they could in these. (Realize, I'm excluding people who know me well and understood whether or not we could talk about certain things or if I found it too personal of a question) I was extremely upset and struggled for a while afterward because I had lost all faith and confidence in other people's abilities to be sensitive to the feelings of others. I think I communicate pretty effectively the type of person I am when it regards things I discuss with other people, which made this even more difficult. Whether I was right or wrong did not change how I felt.

I think one of my major personal issues that crosses over into social issues I have with the Christian community in which I function is that people don't say what they feel or what they think so that we all realize that we are sharing common hopes, fears, and anxieties. A few posts ago I wrote more extensively about my feelings of disconnectedness which applies in this situation. This is also wrapped up in my desire and need for accountability that I struggle with as well. When I interact with people and because I have a tendency to actually say what I'm thinking and feeling and am sometimes verbally rebuffed I don't feel like sharing what I'm struggling with. Then I find out later that those same people I was talking with were struggling with the same things too, but didn't say anything.

It's not that I'm saying people aren't genuine, that they aren't real and they don't desire something profound and genuine, what I'm saying is they don't communicate it. I understand that people don't immediately go to deep levels in their relationship, but there needs to be a place where we are who we are. Broken, messy, conflicted, and real. I don't get that from many people regardless of the community in which I look. Not that they aren't there, but maybe they are reticent about opening up for their own conflicted reasons.

I always tell people that the Tanika you see is the Tanika you get, maybe not all of me, but what you are seeing is the genuine me. If you want to learn more please see details inside the package. What I want is for someone to say the same to me about themselves.

Alright this has gone on long enough. As always have a good day and enjoy.

From the mouths of babes...

2006-06-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

My sister sent me this conversation she had with her children. I'm not sure what sparked the conversation. For the record Gina age 9, Daniel age 12, Joshua age 6, Andrew age 1.

Went like this:

Gina: Mommy, what were doctor's offices like in the olden days when you were little? Did you see a real doctor or an intern.

Daniel: Shut up Gina, she's not that old. She's only a little old.

Gina: I'm just saying, back then, real doctor's looked at you, not high school graduates.

Joshua: I remember back in the day, when I was 4, mommy took Andrew to the doctor for an ear infection. They didn't fix him, so we saw an alternative doctor. He was called a chiropractor. He acupunctured Andrew and the ear infection drained out.

Gina: Did you have to pay for that?

Tasha: Yes.

Gina: Why do you have to pay the bill, when the doctor's don't fix you. That's like stealing with permission.

A Dream Deferred...(meditation)

2006-05-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-- And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

About a week ago I was taking the train to Manhattan Beach and while I waited at aviation station I noticed, displayed on transparent plastic were various poems and sayings. In particular the one above titled "A Dream deferred" by Langston Hughes. I read it over and over again. Thinking about the words as I boarded the train. As some of you know I can think about things for days, weeks or even years on end without reaching conclusions. Meditating on deeper meaning, trying to unwrap the shrouded mystery of character, ideology, even perception through prolonged internal struggle to find something concrete.

Last night I was thinking about this poem in conjunction with a scene from the movie "Sixth Sense". I know what you might be thinking at this point. What does a Langston Hughes poem and an M. Night Shyamalan movie have in common? There is a scene where Dr. Malcolm Crowe is talking to the young boy, Cole. He asked him to think about what he wants to get out of the time he is spending with Dr. Crowe. Cole responds, "Instead of something I want, can it be something I don't want?". He proceeds to tell Dr. Crowe he doesn't want to be scared anymore. I was reflecting that this was his dream. Not to be scared anymore.

Sometimes our dreams aren't this inborn need to leave our mark on this earth in hopes that in hundreds of years someone will think, "Man that so and so sure was something!". Maybe our dream is to be happy, to live at peace with ourselves, or finally move on from an oppressive past that won't seem to let us go. What happens to us when that dream is deferred?

Sometimes our dreams are of grandeur, of beauty, or glorious change that we know are impossible, but still hope for in the corners of our mind. If we don't achieve them we are still whole, moving on to something reasonable, that keeps us happy and enriches our lives. What happens to the other people with the inward dreams of personal change? When their dreams are deferred what can they do?

Feel free to share your thoughts. As always have a good day and enjoy.

I know I know...

2006-05-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

Yes...I'm aware that I was supposed to blog about my Caribbean cruise, but as you can see I have not. I wish I could say I'm sorry about that, but I'm not. I don't feel like blogging about that. I've already talked about it, made a photo album and a mini-scrapbook for my family. I can't take it anymore...for right now. Suffice to say it was nice, good food, sleep and relaxation. I had a holiday romance with a crew member, who was from Croatia and spent a lot of good time with my family.

On another note I was washing clothes tonight reflecting on a conversation I had with a friend this afternoon. I was telling her that as a person who struggles with a nonconformist nature (I still haven't figured out if it's good or bad) I've been feeling out of sorts recently (and by recently I mean for a long time) with the fact that not only do I feel like I'm floating on the outskirts of society in general, but people that I'm around most of the time specifically. I acknowledge openly that I feel differently, think differently and act differently than most of my peers and for that matter people I don't know as well. I was telling her that being different doesn't bother me (at least on the superficial external level) but my perception that most of the people I'm around are SO similar does. It's like about 90% of the people I know are listening to the same station and I can't seem to tune in.

I look at everyone looking and acting the same. Seemingly happy and for the life of me I can't understand how they are all like that without thinking they are a cult or something. Maybe it's just me. But most things I perceive that other people think are important mean less than nothing to me. And since I have a hard time "acting" like I'm interested in something when I'm really not. I usually just continue out of step with everyone. But as I said before they all seem so happy and at the core of me is this nebulous feeling of disconnectedness. Maybe it's just me. If I try to be the way that everyone else is maybe I can seemingly be happy as well.

I try...contrarily sickening myself with this very act of conformity going against my nature. Because I think that if I can just mimic the actions the feelings will follow. But they don't. And all I'm left with is disgust with myself for thinking that it's possible to change who I am inside, mixed with the knowledge that what I am inside will never be like "them". Maybe it's just me.

I reflected on a Jane Austen quote, another nonconformist of her time. In the book Pride and Prejudice Lizzy says to Jane in response to Jane wishing Lizzy could be as happy as she, "Until I have your goodness, I can never have your happiness." I realized what she is saying is that fundamentally we are different. I can never feel the way you do unless I am you and no amount of wishing will change that.

Facing the ultimate realization that my fundamental differences might actually keep me from every feeling a part of something scares me. I'm left with the question: What do I do? Maybe it's just me.

Failing...

2006-02-22T17:14:00.000-08:00

The other week we were having a conference call at work talking about all the students in the Los Angeles County who would not be receiving a high school diploma this spring because they had failed to pass an algebra class. As a matter of fact the LA Times did a series of articles about the drop out rate of the students at Birmingham High School in Van Nuys, CA. It stirred such a response more than 200 people responded in written form and probably other organizations like the Mathnasium had conferences to discuss what to how we should respond when students in this situation come to us.

The funny part is I was telling someone the other day that when I was growing up I didn't even realize there were people who didn't understand things, for whatever reason. I thought if you were failing a subject it's because you weren't trying or you were skipping school or something. I assumed everyone had the ability to make straight As it was just a matter of settling down and learning the material. As I grow more in the knowledge of people, school districts, math wars, and bureaucracy I find that not only are there students who actually struggle but that institutions as sometimes run in a way that makes it near impossible for students to learn.

Please share your thoughts.

Blactoid: As some people know there used to be separate schools in the United States. Then after the Brown vs. the Board of Education decision they were mandated to integrate. A high school in the same city I went to high school in decided to integrate shortly thereafter. Although it met with resistance, those steps they took paved the way for not only African-Americans having equal access to education, but also other minority groups that had suffered from poor education in understaffed and underfunded schools.

What is wrong with you?!?

2006-02-14T16:40:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I'm so sick of dumb band names that are supposed to be "hep" or edgy. Like Atreyu, I'm sorry but that just isn't gonna do it for me. It's the name of a 10 year old boy who's horse died in Never Ending Story. Or Aiden or any other annoying name that people think sounds cool but actually is just annoying. I'm not the only one who thinks this. Someone else has actually collect a list of dumb band names. I wouldn't go so far as to collect them. What would that say about me, but now that someone has can someone please tell me what's going on.

Whatever happend to just going by your name like Dave Matthews Band or Shakira. I mean we can't all be Prince (who by the way must be in possession of the ring of power because he hasn't aged a day since 1982) with a symbol for a name or artist formerly known as. If your music is good you shouldn't have to try to make your name "edgey" or whatever it is those people think they are doing. But I guess what it all comes down to is recognition that leads to fame that leads to money. *sigh ...

Why is art always to suffer?

As always have a good name and enjoy.

...it's like a disco with books...

2006-02-13T10:56:00.000-08:00

today as I started my business class at the local community college I was reflecting on a Chris Rock comedy routine where he was saying that after he got a GED someone had the nerve to say "Now you can go to college" He said, you can't go to college with a GED. The only college you can go to is community college. Basically that community college is like a disco with books. Why is it called community college...because anybody from the community can go there, drug dealers crackheads you name it.

Although I didn't particularly see any people of that description it is a new experience for me and I look forward to the interaction I will have with the professor and my classmates. Of course my professor is a sassy black woman. So I get to deal with that 2 days a week at 8 am. If anyone knows me the adjective that describes me least at 8am is sassy. I'm hard pressed to be sassy at 11 am. She made us do this exercise this morning where we walked past each other looking at the ground. Then again while making eye contact. Then again while touching on the shoulder and making eye contact, and finally eye contact and shaking hands. The last person you shook hands with was your new friend. My friend was Steve. He's like me. Works, but is going back to learn more about business.

I'm actually looking forward to the semester. I've been thinking of ways to meet more people that I normally wouldn't, but in an atmosphere I want to be in as well. So now I know Steve. There are some talkative girls in the class, but the teacher put them on lock so that shouldn't be a problem.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Argh!!!

2006-02-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

So I haven't posted for a while. That is for one of two reasons. Either so much has been happening I don't have time to think straight or nothing has been happening and I don't want you guys to think I'm a loser. I like to think it's the former, more likely it's the latter.

Well...this past week has been stressful and if you know why then I don't have to tell you. If you don't know why then do you really want me to have to relive all that hassle and trauma all over again? Wow I didn't know you could be so heartless :)

Well is it sufficient to tell you that I'm going through detox from taking some pretty strong narcotics since Sunday and I think I'm going through withdrawal? Ok is it sufficient to tell you that my boss made me promise to call and request permission should I choose to die?

I guess I should have posted about all the cool things that are going to happen before now. Like I'm taking a business class starting February 13th or I was planning on taking up a spot of tennis for exercise purposes. Or how I want to take up hot salsa dancing after my business class is over. Now my mind is over shadowed either by the drugs or circumstances. Well in an attempt to amuse and inform at the same time I have been "ill" these past couple of days the nature of which I don't think the likes of the internet is ready for. Suffice to say it did involve the need for heavy medication of which I no longer wish to take hence the self inflicted detox.

Other than that things are going going ok here in the deep south of Culver City. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Munich

2005-12-29T10:54:00.000-08:00

I went to see Munich last night with some friends and I definitely found it a traumatizing and somehow uplifting experience. Much like Syriana I'm fairly certain that this movie will win some awards it's already nominated for 2 Golden Globes and except for a crying scene Eric Bana gives an Oscar worthy performance. On a side note it has an incredible soundtrack and I'm not just saying that because I love the 70's. Whether you like the movie or not there is no denying that it is an extremely provoking piece of work. The movie is based on actual events that took place at the 1972 Olympics in Munich, Germany, so I feel that I'm not going to give too much away by talking about the movie.

We were a little late getting into the theatre (due to E/B/CST) so we missed the first couple of minutes of the movie. So although I didn't see what happened in the very beginning the movie was designed so that it wasn't necessary. One thing I especially liked about this movie was how, throughout the film, they showed the sequence of events that took place at the '72 Olympics through the reflections of the main character Avner. You watch the metamorphosis of this character who's first motivations where home, family, and nationality turn into a confusion of bitterness and anger towards his enemies, his country, and even himself, finally ending in no motivation and even paranoia. Another interesting theme throughout this film was that of family. The Israeli government convinces Avner that what he must do, is not just for his immediate family, but for all Jews who are part of the same family. Another character, Robert, points out that what unifies the Jews is and separates them from everyone else is that above all they should be righteous and how could what they were doing be righteous? (A loss of the sense of family?) It was a very thought provoking film where the events that inspired it are still playing themselves out in the Middle East. Last night I dreamed I was a Palestinian refugee in Israel, it was a very different point of view to look at things from since I generally view things from the Israeli side.

I definitely recommend this film, with one stipulation. It is rated R, and trust me it's for a reason namely graphic (and I might add realistic) violence, sexual content, nudity, drug content, and language. I would love to dialogue with anyone who has seen the film or just wants to talk about the film so please comment. As always have a good day and enjoy.

'Tis the season to be jolly?

2005-12-19T20:37:00.000-08:00

"I don't know if I can live with myself anymore."

"God, I just want some peace. Is that too much to ask?"

"My mind makes me sick."

"I don't know how much more of this I can take."

These are all phrase I've heard over the past couple of weeks as the holiday season fast approaches. For most as the year draws to a close and holiday plans loom on the horizon, it's a time of celebration and being with the people you love. You make plans, give gifts, and eat your weight in turkey. But for a large part of the population it can be a very lonely or even depressing time.

I had the benefit of riding the bus home from the northern most regions of "The Valley" for about 4 hours on Sunday morning and I got the chance to observe quite a few people both inside the bus, walking down the street, and driving in cars. I went through a variety of neighborhoods with varying socioeconomic status. The common thread I saw in all the people I observed was that quite a few of them looked upset, depressed, and even angry.

I was looking at an article today about the depression people suffer at this time of year. And the thing that has been on my mind the past couple of days is what can I do about this. As some of you know I'm obsessed with what I can do to fix what I perceive as problems. And I realized I can't really change anyone's life. But what I can do and what I think a lot of others can do is be aware of people you come into contact with that might be struggling at this time of year and maybe you can have a positive impact in their lives by taking an active, honest interest in how they are doing.

During the holiday season we spend most of our time trying to give tangible gifts, things that you can measure with monetary value. Even volunteering and helping the needy. I think one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is our time, love, compassion, and understanding of their needs emotionally and spiritually as well as physically.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Kounterfeit Kids

2005-12-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

I was watching the news this morning and saw a truly amazing story. They were talking about just busting open a money counterfeiting ring...but the the kicker was that everyone involved was in the fourth grade. I was like what?!?!

Apparently the lunch lady became suspicious when a couple of the 4th graders paid for their lunches with 20 dollar bills. Hmmmm...seems fine to me. Upon closer examination apparently the bills had some "jagged edges" which led the lunch lady to bring in the authorities. Apparently one of the 4th graders printed them up on his home computer and they cut them out. Talk about a class project.

I saw the bills on television this morning and they were pretty darn close. If it wasn't for the jagged edges I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. And to think, you should have your fine motor skills such as cutting perfected by the 4th grade. I guess those kids didn't pay enough attention in kindergarten. I'm just kidding around. But seriously in the 4th grade I was trying to buy things with fake money that's how clueless I was. These kids are out there making fake C-notes. What does that tell you about our American educational system.

Please feel free to share your comments. As always have a good day and enjoy.

The Chronicles

2005-12-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

The other night I had the wonderful privilege of going to the premiere of the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe at the El Capitain theatre in Hollywood. I have to admit I was a little afraid that the movie wouldn't live up to my expectations and that the glitz and glamour of Hollywood would overshadow the movie that I and others were looking forward to enjoying. Between the wonderful setting, VIP seats, the snow that fell on us the pre-movie show and the complementary drinks and popcorn I became more and more nervous that they were putting on this big production in order to cover up the fact that they were going to do a botched job on the movie. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Although some people, like myself worry about whether Hollywood can do justice to a much beloved novel and author as I feel they deserve, as a fan and an avid movie goer I'm always interested in another persons interpretation of something to see if they are true to what was originally intended or if they come away with the same things I did. And even if they didn't that's ok because at least they have opened the eyes of others to looking at something they may never have thought about and giving others an opportunity of discovering or rediscovering C.S. Lewis.

As I said earlier in the post they definitely did an excellent job with this film. I must admit that though I've read C.S. Lewis recently it wasn't any of the Chronicles of Narnia. I actually haven't read them for about 15 (almost) 16 years. But as I watched the film pieces of my memory came alive and I started to enjoy it more and more as the film progressed. They definitely stayed true to the heart of the film and I have to admit that I was deeply moved by the portrayal of this time honored classic. I won't discuss the film in any detail here in case you want to see it for yourself, but I would like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it and I think you will as well.

I would also like to share a funny comment a man made as I was leaving the theatre. He said that he wasn't expecting such a strong Christian theme in the movie. I couldn't help bursting out in hysterical laughter because I was thinking don't you have a clue about the Chronicles of Narnia, did you watch the trailer, do you even know who C.S. Lewis is. It's comments like those that make Lewis fans think everyone else is equally as ignorant of Lewis' works, but I don't think that's the case at least as far as the movie is concerned.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Phew!!!

2005-12-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

Man has it been a long time since my last post. I've had a lot of false starts and half hearted attempts, but the truth of the matter is. I've been busy. Busy....what busy...I know you are all thinking the same thing. Tanika doesn't have a life how in the world is she busy. Well I'll tell you I've found things to do to occupy my time.

But truth be known. I've been a little bit sick, a little busy, and a little bit lazy so that all culminated in me not posting for a while. But now I'm back. There are so many things I want to say that I won't even attempt to except to let slip out that I have a new crush in life (as usual) and life is looking up. Or rather I have an old crush who I've re-crushed kinda like orange crush soda. In a way.

Please no blog speculations or I'll have to remove them. I'll give you a hint. He isn't 4 feet tall.

-The Cheeky Madame

A New way to spell evil...I-K-E-A!

2005-11-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

As you can tell from the title I've had a small quibble as it were, with a very popular company that I sometimes refer to as "Oh it's Swedish for ugly!". Just kidding, but seriously just because I don't enjoy the overly angular and sometimes not apparently functional designs that have resulted in Ikea's undeniable financial success doesn't mean that their products aren't good. I guess some people just don't have any real sense of style or taste (of course they none of those people wrote this post).

Recently I had to purchase a bookshelf from work, and of course I turn to one of the leaders in cheap furniture...IKEA! I happen to be one of the "fortunate" souls that lives relatively close to 3 different Ikeas so I have a choice of where I can go and I also live within range of getting a delivery. Thinking that like any other major international company Ikea had it's delivery policy at least to a certain level of competence. I couldn't be more wrong. I ordered a bookshelf about a month ago at this point. Last week Ikea sent me an email saying due to an incredible volume of orders they weren't able to process mine. So what does that mean...they have to REprocess my order. Then they proceed to tell me that I won't get my order for another 3 weeks and oh by the way we are gonna slap a 90 dollar shipping fee on the 10 mile drive we have to make to deliver it to your office. I couldn't have been happier.

Ikea you get a big raspberry from me!!! Sorry about all the ranting posts these days. Blame it on the lack of ergonomically designed furniture in my office. As always have a good day and enjoy. ;)

Why I hate NCLB...

2005-11-04T10:39:00.000-08:00

*Views expressed in this blog entry belong soley to those of the author.

First for those of you who don't know what NCLB means it's No Child Left Behind a federally funded (there's the first problem) program that was designed to help make school systems more accountable (there's the second problem) for making sure that students are able to learn the curriculum (again here's the third problem).

Why would I refer to these as problems you might ask? Well were anything is federally funded you are guaranteed to find a bureaucratic nightmare, second the only way a school system has any hopes of being held accountable is where parents take an active interest/role in the educational process, and finally majority of public school curriculum is horrific (mild understatement).

Basically it's money the gov't gives the school system in hopes that it will get to the children who need it and help make sure they have a quality education. How can this possibly be wrong one might think. Well...

What you might not know is that after the funds have been distributed to the school system it is up to the school syster to determine how they distribute the funds to each school and how much per child. Well if you think nothing can go wrong with that then...well...you're just crazy. One local school district (I'll call Podunk Unified School District, PUSD) PUSD decided to hire consultants to figure out the best way to distribute the funds because they were to bass ackwards to figure it out for themselves. Well instead of each child in an approved school getting $1600 a year to spend on supplemental education services they are getting less than $800. A big raspberry to you PUSD! What in the world can you get with $800 dollars over a 9 month period? That's less than a hundred dollars a month! You can barely feed a child let alone buy them educational services they desperately need. And a program that is designed to allow a district like PUSD to rip off these children must be inherently evil in my opinion.

But this isn't the real reason I hate NCLB, but trust me it's coming...the biggest evil is the very system itself not the amount of damage that is done every year to students when too much money and too much stupidity meet to create inefficient, inept, and ineffective spending of gov't funds. But what the program does is give money to schools where students aren't making yearly academic progress for more than 2 years. That doesn't sound too bad right? Wrong...the moment the school does a little bit better they pull the funding. The reason the kids were able to do better in the first place is because of the funding now they have to get sucked back down into the quagmire that is public education and almost drown again before they are offered assistance. It's like you're getting paid for doing bad.

PUSD: Uncle Sam we need money to help pay for educational services and supplies, Johnny uses a coloring book in his English class.
Uncle Sam: Talk to me next year when he's using toilet paper instead.

Unfortunately the problem is helped by PUSD being so unorganized and incapable. The hardest task really falls on the teachers who are expected to teach 5 years worth of material in 6 months without the proper tools or resources.

That's all I have to say about that. Sorry about the rant, but the recent work I've been doing with local school districts is enough to make anyone lose it once in a while.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

The Evans-English Dictionary and other Oddisms...(Revised Edition)

2005-10-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

As many of you know my family is famous for either makig up or using phrases that don't make sense and need explanation so I decided to write the first every Evans-English Dictionary to explain our terms. (this is by no means comprehensive) I'll try to use everything in a sentence if possible.

Subject- Better Circumstances

"Comin' up"- to come into a better situation or circumstance.
e.g. Tanika came up (is comin' up), she just got a new job paying good money.

"Layin' on full"- to be doing well either socially, physically, spirtually and especially economically e.g. I know you layin' on full could you loan me a couple of dollars 'til my check come.

"Doin' it big"- doing very well and flaunting it.
e.g. - Uh oh, Tanika's doin' it big, look at her new clothes, those must be Burberry.

Subject - Getting Crazy

"Wilin' out"- to get wild and crazy and do something you wouldn't normally do.
e.g. I'm wilin' out tonight, it's been a long week and I feel like getting crazy.

Subject- Just plain crazy

"Cockeyed Lily" - Someone who has the ability to see in all directions at once because her eyes face different directions.
e.g. I'm Cockeyed Lily, do something behind my back and I'll tell you what it was.

"Dangyball" - an object that is hanging on the end of a string or something of that nature you don't know the name of.
e.g. You have a a dangyball at the back of your throat. OR This woman looked silly today because she didn't know she had a blue dangyball hanging on the back of her dress.

"Snacky Wackys" - the art of adding a y to the ends of words and then repeating the word with a w on the front. So instead of Snack you say snacky wacky or instead of cheese you say cheesy weesy. Used primarily to make yourself sound insane.

"Baby Hair" - the nappy hair at the edge of your scalp you claim is "good hair" i.e. not nappy. You attempt to smooth with gel to make it look "cuite".

"Kitchen" - the back of head (scalp) were naps like to collect.

"Peas" - naps that collect in your kitchen

"Baby Fat" - the gut...oops I meant bare midriff women are determined to show off to the world. Called baby fat for much the same reason it's called "baby hair" in an attempt to make it seem cute when in actual fact it's grotesque.

"Bonkydown" - Any sort of crazy dance you do that expresses your happiness, franticness (word?) 0r insanity
e.g. Tasha was so excited after she won the contest she did the bonkydown.

That's it for the dictionary right now I have to get back to work, but I'd like to leave you with just a litte more crazy.

Crazy nicknames:
My family likes to give nicknames to people that have nothing to do with their real names for example:
Eric - nickname Nuknuk
Andrew - nickname Bonky
Joshua - nickames Jouwoo, Sheboum, Beobutt etc
Tasha - Fafamama
Daniel - Yahyoh
Brianne - Beh
William -Woo, B, Baby Woo
Grandad - (my father) Poopah

But if you think those are crazy you should hear some of the names of my sisters friends or little kids that my mom has taught
-Tiffaniqua
-Jemarkio
-Zjhyvoriah (silent Z)
-R'mani
-Genora

If you have any interesting saying or funny names please feel free to share. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Reasons why I'm triflin'

2005-10-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

I've decided to save the post about my trip home until I have time to post pictures as well. But I did want to let you guys know why I'm triflin'. It's simple. I was trying to make sure I had set up a "friends" email account correctly and when I realized I had I noticed some emails from some "people" and of course the titles made me "curious" so I had to read a little bit. Anyway I won't do it again and I'll make sure that I let the "person" know they need to change his/her "password".

Ok that's it for now. Have a good day and enjoy.

East Coasters...

2005-10-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

I've definitely been enjoying spending time with my family and unwinding from the fast pace of Los Angeles. Things are definitely a lot slower here in Durham, NC. The other day we were in a restaurant and everyone was moving slowly, eating slowly, talking slowly and suprise surprise no one got impatient or upset by the slow pace. I guess it is a different mentality.

I've been trying to make it a point to observe the people out here so I can think about it when I get back to LA. One thing is certain. People do not get very impatient when they have to wait in line for things. It's like they realize they have to and they don't blow up about it. Not so the Californian. However there are some people out here that would fit in in LA. My older sister for example. She seems to suffer from the Californian road rage. She speeds up driving really fast only to stop on a dime. She gets angry when people don't peel out when the light turns greeen and she makes california left turns. (that means that 2 people can turn left after the light turns red). If it wasn't for her Amish ways she would fit in perfectly in SoCal.

My family is still crazy. I'll be bringing back some interesting phrases when I get to LA. I also think we scared my friend Daniel this weekend because he went to dinner with my family on Saturday and to say we are rowdy is a mild understatement, but he held his own. But I noticed he did laugh a lot. It was like that movie my big fat greek wedding and he was Ian Miller no need to guess who we were. Not helping was the fact that we are from Chicago helping the stereotype. Anyway that's all i have to say for now. I need to hit the showers. I think my sister is going to force us to take a family picture at Sears today. Ugh!!!!

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Button Up!!!

2005-10-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

So this Tuesday I'm making tracks for the east coast. Hopefully the leaves will still be changing color and there will be that autumn nip in the air. Sorry all you Californians out there who think you have the best weather in the world. I've learned to keep my mouth shut when people from out here tell me that of course I would want to stay in L.A. it has the best weather in the world. Making comments like "Isn't it great that you can wear shorts and a tank top at Thanksgiving?" While I'm thinking..."Ummm...I don't wear shorts or tank tops!" And believe it or not I actually enjoy NOT getting heat stroke on Christmas Day.

My favorite season is autumn because it's pretty (I know everything is dying) and my allergies don't bother me and it's usually fully of cool winds or BRISK breezes if you prefer. I love it when my cheeks get numb from the cold. I'm a certified weirdo and that's fine. I enjoy having hot cider when I actually need it. Not when I'm acting like it isn't 90 degrees in November and I'm trying to get into the holiday spirit so I drink hot drinks anyway because it's the right time of year while breaking out in a heat rash. Just not my thing.

So I'm gonna visit my family in NC and VA. And hopefully see some friends as well. I'm looking forward to a little calm after the business of L.A. I haven't really been away for any significant bit of time since last year (February) I took a couple of trips to Vegas (but everyone knows that doesn't count) and I also stole away to Vacaville (aka Napa Valley) jk Lauren. I love visiting you. Btw-Dawson wants to visit. I hope you are ready. But it wasn't the same as actually getting away from the big CA for a while and actually seeing the stars and hearing other sounds besides the steady hum of traffic or police sirens. I think my ears will probably ring most of the time, that's what they did when I was in Napa for more than 2 days. They started ringing because I couldn't handle the silence.

I know I haven't written much these days and I'll probably be writing even less because I'll be trying to spend time with my family not time in front of the computer when I'm there. I hope you all have a great week and for those of you celebrating Yom Kippur and Sukkot, May you be inscribed in the book of life. Enjoy the High Holy Days as I will.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Catching my breath...

2005-10-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

O.k. so...it's been a while since I last posted. So many things I wanted to say, but clearly I don't want to rehash the past crazy two weeks so lets see if there are any interesting bits.

I went through director training and a crash course in learning my new job over the past week. This is a picture of the office where I work. I know what you are thinking (those of you who have been to LA), there aren't any trees or waterfalls in LA. That's what I thought as well but there are if you create them. I took my friends children on a field trip to the office on Friday and they had such a good time outside sitting by the waterfall enjoying the breeze in their hair they didn't want to leave. When we got home we had to draw pictures and write a sentence about what we saw.

Lisa and Tyler came home from the hospital last weekend. Lisa's parents are visiting and they are extremely funny...Her mother reminds me of my mom because she makes up funny songs. I guess it's a mom thing although I do it all the time. I guess it must be osmosis.

Next week I'm going back to the east coast to visit my family. I'm very excited. I think my trip to NorCal may have taken the edge off the excitement of flying. Nothing will ever beat having the plane you are flying in be jump started with jumper cables...but that's another story. Below is a picture of the plane we flew it (I think) it's the one on the left. Tiny Cessna-172. I learned a lot about Cessna 172s. (Thanks for the pictures Daniel).

Alright that's all I have to say for now because I have to get back to work. But I hope you all have a good day and enjoy.

Good News at the 'Nasium!

2005-09-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

Don't worry. For those of you awaiting quippy comments about my previous week painting the town red while Daniel was here I will still probably make some more comments, but I wanted to share some other really good news. As you can see from the picture it's always EXCITING times at the Mathnasium where I work. Doesn't little Avrami look excited? He did that on purpose because he knew we were taking pictures. Anyway as most of you know I work part-time at the Mathnasium using the Mathnasium Method to help children learn mathematics. I have to admit that I love this job and the only problem I've ever had with it, is that it isn't full time.

The other day I was riding in the car with my friend and I was telling him that I was thinking of taking some ECE classes at the local college to help broaden my horizons academically since I haven't actually taken any classes that deal directly with educating children. He asked if I was thinking of leaving the Mathnasium and I was like, NO! Actually what I want is to work for the Mathnasium full time with benefits making good money doing what I like to do. That's what I want.

I walked into work and my director Mark said he wanted to talk to me. I got nervous wondering what I had done wrong. But it turns out I was being offered a full time position as director of a Mathnasium that the company is opening up 6 minutes away from my house. Imagine my shock and surprise. Of course I said yes after about 3 minutes of consideration. I started director training today which was interesting. I've been working with the company for a little over a year now so I actually know quite a lot about it all ready. At least the teaching aspects of the job. But I'm still learning the business aspect of the job.

The center I'll be the director of is mainly focusing on children who will attend as a result of the No Child Left Behind gov't grants. Most children attend the Mathnsium because their parents can afford to pay for it, but in reality there are a lot of children who need the same service and can't afford it and that's what No Child Left Behind is about. I think it will be an interesting challenge and I look forward to working closely with one of the companies founders who helped the Mathnasium get the accreditation for gov't approval to use NCLB money.

The only sad part is that I'm leaving the 'nasium where I've been working the past year and I'm really going to miss the children I've been working with. Just look at Francesca...who wouldn't miss a precious angel like this?

Anyway that's all I have to say about that. As always have a good day and enjoy.

News Flash!!!

2005-09-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

...beepbeepbeepbeepbeeeeep.....beepbeepbeepbeepbeeeep...dadadadaaaaa....Just wanted to let you guys know (for those who know them) my good friend Lisa went into labor today and is currently on the cusp of having the baby probably within the next few hours. Will post again with more updates. Or rather will update this post.

Update:
Lisa had baby Tyler last night at 7pm pacific time. He weighed in at 8 lbs. even. They are both doing well. Will update when more news occurs.

Update2:
Lisa and baby Tyler James came home this afternoon. They are both doing very well and the other kids are all very interested in the new baby. Dawson spent the afternoon lying on the bed staring at him. Katie pretty much continued as usual and will kept going back and forth looking at him and playing.

Tasting Los Angeles...(Chapter 1 of 3)

2005-09-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

As some of you know this past week one of my good friends Daniel came to visit me in "sunny" SoCal. As I said I wasn't sure if LA was ready for him. And in all truth more crazy, funny, and interesting things have happened in or around LA this past week than they have in months. That boy comes over here and the next thing you know everything gets turned on it's head.

It started off with his real reasons for coming to visit LA. I'm sure that had something to do with the chain of events he set in motion by his arrival to the city. I'm sure he didn't come to visit me or his brother and he definitely didn't come to take in the sites. He came for all the good food LA has. What tipped me off was that we spent more time eating at a hole-in-the-wall Oaxacan restaurant than we did at all the LA tourist attractions combined.

We went on to eat at a multitude of restaurants that are difficult to find on the east coast. We had Ethiopian, Persian, Indonesian, and he had Korean BBQ. I didn't realize all the good places there were to eat in this city that I just take for granted are available everywhere. I leave it to Daniel to post what he liked best as well as any pictures he would like to show about his trip out here. If he doesn't well then something is wrong with that boy.

I think the point where I realized that we did have a surfeit of foods from around the world was when I asked if he wanted to get some Armenian fast food. Only in LA will you find Armenian fast food, when you can't even find an Armenian restaurant anywhere else. (exceptions being Lebanon, Armenia, etc)

Anyway I look forward to sharing all the other "juicy" details of Daniels trip to LA and all our adventures, but I'm actually feeling a little under the weather and will "post"pone further details until my next entry.

I hope you have enjoyed all the links and cheesy quotation marks. Have a good day and as always enjoy.

Trapped in the Vestibule (Chapter 5 of 5)...The Finale?!?

2005-09-13T13:10:00.000-07:00

..."must have lost the track of time, oh what was on my mind"..."from the club went to her home, didn't plan to stay there long"...sorry just thought I'd drop in a few lyrics from Trapped in the Closet by R. Kelly.

...so I'm waiting outside of his door. Scared to knock, but knowing that I needed some resolution one way or the other I gathered my courage and rapped my knuckles against the wood of his door. He yells from the inside for me to come in. I open the door and walk in. He's sitting on the couch watching t.v. I'm thinking a thousand thoughts, mostly "Aren't we supposed to talk? Why is the t.v. on?" He asked me if I had dinner I said yes. I was lying, I couldn't eat before we spoke. He asked if he could make me a drink. I thought I might need one so I said yes. I sit on the couch while he mixes up some drinks. I turn off the t.v. while he's in the kitchen when he comes back I say, "Well you invited me over here to talk so let's just get it over with."

Fast Forward->Basically the conversation went along the lines of him telling me how much he has appreciated my friendship, (WHAT?!?) how great it has been to know me (After all I've given him and done for him) and that it's time for him to move into a new "phase" in his life. He said he knew once his music career started looking up that it was going to mean the end of us anyway. Well if he knew that then why didn't he just break up with me months ago. Why protract the agony? I sat there listening to him continue to shovel it deeper and deeper and I finally realized how full of it he really was.

And you know what? For the first time I felt more than hurt and rejection at his treatment of me. I started to feel annoyed and a little bit angry. I mean why was I wasting my time on him. He was so incredibly self-centered. For the first time I realized that I didn't love him. I loved who I "thought" he was. And he wasn't that person and he never was going. I finally realized that I had to move on from this. He wasn't going to change and I didn't have the patience to waste my time trying. It wasn't until after I left that I realized that in the conversation the mysterious aforementioned "someone else" never even featured in the conversation. And I wondered if she even exited. We hung out for a little while after we finished talking. I told him it would probably be for the best if we didn't hang out anymore, but I still wanted to stay friends with him. (I know I know I should have vowed never to speak to him again) I didn't want to give him anymore power than he already had.

We went our separate ways and I honestly thought I'd never hear from him again, but I was wrong...last night he called. He just wanted to talk to me...then he hit me with a bombshell. I mean I had spent the past two weeks being thoroughly angry with myself and him for the waste of this past year so it's sufficient to say I didn't really want to hear what he had to say. He said he was getting ready to get on a plane back to Chicago (where he is from). Then I paused for a minute. I know it's a really bad stereotype to say that black people aren't much for flying, swimming, or boating, but seriously it was probably made up for him (although he is half Puerto Rican). So I knew something was serious for him to get on a plane. Then he told me...his father had a massive stroke and he was going home to be with him and his family. I was stunned. I didn't want to be pulled back in but after the trauma I went through with him I had a small clue what he was going through. He called me this morning to say "his eyes are open" and "I think he can hear me". I will keep him in my prayers because I know he is in a stressful situation. He said he would call me back later tonight and let me know how things are going and I know I'll pick up the phone...

O.k. although the story hasn't ended my sharing of it has come to an end. I hope that you were able to get something from it as I am and will continue to do. I will keep you posted on what happens with his father, but that's it for now.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Good Things

2005-09-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

Anyway this weekend Joe and I are getting down to some serious business working on my room. Here is a picture of the first phase of destruction...ooops I meant construction.

On another note... is someone else out there trying to give relationship tips...uh oh...on occasion I like to look at other blogs and see what others are saying. I ran across an interesting blog by the brother of a friend and found he too was delving into the wonderful world of male/female interaction. Maybe he and I should team up and have a relationship blog that caters to the relationship dysfunct that rests in all of us. (it's the through the eye of a needle post). This guy has some potential.

Well that's all for now. Next post I will finish up my trapped in the vestibule saga. Have a good day and as always enjoy.

Again with the Tanikaism(schisms)!

2005-09-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

Ok another break from the story I would just like to share some funny tidbits from the last week and exciting news from the past week.

First I'm very excited. It's only one more week until my friend Daniel comes to visit L.A. and most specifically the gangsta streets of the CC. Is SoCal ready for this? I've been planning out exciting things for us to do while he is here and interesting food he could try that might be a little more difficult to get back east. If anyone has any suggestions about some things they think we should try feel free to comment.

Funny Quotes: This past week I've heard some funny quotes that I would like to share with you.

Dawson 4 years old:
Dawson:"I want a black hotdog."
Parent:"No those are for Tanika, that's the way she likes them."
Dawson:"Why...Because she's black?!?"

Joshua 5 years old:
Joshua:"I need to go to the store to see some eggplant"
Parent:"Why Joshua?"
Joshua:"Because I want to see where eggs come from."

Joshua:"I need to talk to Felicia (who works at Dominos Pizza)"
Parent: "Why Joshua?"
Joshua:"I want to ask her how that 5-5-5 deal is going?"

Timothy 8 years old:
Timothy: "Have you seen (insert rated R movie title here)?"
Me:"No Timothy I don't watch movies like that."
Timothy: "Why, is it because of the language, violence, drug use, or sexual content?"
Me: "TIMOTHY?!? Please I don't want to talk about this, let's do some math."

If you have any funny things people have said to you this week feel free to share. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Trapped in the Vestibule (Chapter 4 of 5)

2005-09-04T17:13:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know I've been sharing a relationship story that is true in all it's consequences. So where did I leave off...

He had just told me that he is seeing someone else...in my mind I'm thinking, "WHAT?!?" The other thoughts that went through my mind are unprintable. I hung up the phone and thought about doing serious damage to him, this unknown woman, and his personal property. Rest assured I didn't go anything illegal, but trust me I really wanted to. But the anger faded...and I was left feeling cold and empty. And I couldn't understand why. If I searched inside myself I have to admit it's not like I was really shocked by what happened. I mean are you?

Of course the normal questions like: Who is she? How long has this been going on? Why didn't he just tell me in the beginning? and the ultimate question: WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? This wasn't the first time someone I had been dating, did the relationship defection, treated my like I was nothing then flipped the script and told me they were "seeing someone else". I question myself. Is there something inherently wrong with me? Why can't I keep a decent man? Maybe I can't actually recognize a decent man. Am I destined to only have relationships that don't last, where I give and give and he only takes? Why can't I find happiness? Am I destined to stay single? Why do I keep making the same wrong decisions?

Do you want to hear something funny? The week after this happened he showed up at my place in the evening. He wanted to see how I was doing, make sure I was ok. And it felt like we were about to start this cycle all over again. But the thing was I didn't want to. I couldn't handle it again. I knew I still loved him, but I just couldn't do this again. But the truth is could I be strong enough if he started up with me again in earnest. I wanted to believe that he could change. That I was worth changing for. He left not much being said except that he wondered if I would be interested in hanging out with him.

STOP!! WAIT!!! This is the same guy who just last week said that I disgust him. Was I seriously having this conversation with him. Why hadn't I punched him in the jaw as soon as he came in the door. But I have to confess I was hoping he was coming to abjectly apologize and through the whole interview I was waiting for him to break down, confess his faults, beg my forgiveness. Maybe it's because we weren't alone. I went outside with him. Maybe he needed some privacy. But no he didn't. He didn't even refer to what he said before. He acted like nothing even happened or worse that I forced him to say those things he did to me so basically it was my fault if I'm hurt by anything he did.

He left me with an anticlimactic feeling and I waited and wondered what was next...in my own mind...in his actions. But when the phone rang the next Wednesday I knew the situation had finally come to a head. He was calling me asking if I would come over. He wanted to talk and he needed some privacy which we couldn't get at my place. So now I'm on my way over to see what it is he wants to say...to be continued.

Stay tuned for the conclusion in Chapter 5 of 5.

Questions: Is there anyway this can possibly end well? Haven't I debased myself enough for this man. I was at the end of my goodness, my virtue, my patience. I wanted to hurt him, like he hurt me? And the bigger question of how am I supposed to recover from this and move on to have a normal healthy relationship? Maybe when I can stop questioning myself. Anyway as usual have a good day and enjoy.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #Umpteen

2005-08-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

Ok another brief hiatus from the story I have been relating to you. I promise the next post will we devoted solely to that. But I needed to take a time out and bring you another relationship tip from yours truly. As usual my tips are taken from real life occurrences and after some meditation I figure out a nice practical way to share the thing that I have learned.

I got a phone call yesterday from a girl I'm particularly close with and in the middle of our conversation she made a pretty amusing comment. It went a little something like this,, "Guess what Tanika? I'm not shallow anymore!" I, of course, burst out into laughter. I mean I was happy that she wasn't shallow anymore, but it got me thinking about how shallowness can prevent us from having meaningful and lasting relationships. For those of you who are looking for a shallow relationship based on superficiality please disregard my next tip. I would like to preface by saying that this tip is not along my ordinary lines because it gives the impression that it's ok to be shallow. It's not. But I realize that we all have shallow areas in our lives that we are hopefully trying to make deeper.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #Umpteen: Thinking and talking about what you want in a relationship solely in shallow terms will keep you and anyone else who might be interested in you from having a serious, meaningful, and lasting relationship. Of course I will explain. Over the years I've had both guys and girls talk to me about what they are looking for in a partner/relationship (both friendship and romantic). And there have been times where I admit I didn't actually take the person seriously (i.e. I thought they were kidding, but they weren't) because what they were saying was so hopelessly unrealistic and shallow. But over the years I've realized that they weren't joking. The other day I was hanging with this guy who was telling me the things he was looking for in a woman. Sadly (sarcasm) none of these applied to me. But this guy took it a step further and said that women who had qualities that I possess were boring and unattractive. Being the only woman in the room I was mildly exasperated (understatement) with his continued negativity towards women who didn't embody what he desired.

Now to be fair I've heard women do the exact same thing. Acting like men should be the amalgamation of all their physical hopes and dreams. A recipe consisting of only the best parts. Feel free to leave out any brains, won't be necessary. But back to the story. So you know me being me, I had to break it down to a brotha. Couldn't let him go around spouting that level of ignorance. I first stated that "Yes, it's important to find the person you are with attractive and fun to be around." But to go around talking about how anyone else who doesn't meet YOUR standards as one step up from dog food isn't cool. First off what it does is have women/men who you aren't attracted to think you are a hopelessly shallow(i.e. not only will they not recommend you to their friends but they will actually warn men/women off you), but it also tells the someone you are attracted to that you are an idiot/jerk/(insert name here) and it's just a matter of time before something they do will make them fall out of favor with you (no point in even wasting their time on you). If you do this and wonder why you can't seem to have a lasting relationship with "Mr./Mrs. Right" maybe you should try revising your technique, because it leaves something to be desired.

If all you are looking for are flings, light flirtations, and casual relationships this may not be a problem, but if you are looking for someone to share your life with the last thing someone who would have been interested in you wants to hear you say is that they aren't worthy of love or respect because of a physical flaw you don't think is one or that it's something beyond your control anyway. Your love for someone should make them feel safe and secure. Content to be who they are. Not desperate, afraid, or on edge that somehow you will lose interest in them because of something that could happen to change their appearance. If nothing else they are going to become older their bodies will change and trust me honey, so will yours.

Also stating why he/she can get away with this behavior or that behavior because they are good looking is also a sure fire way to warn off would be relationships. (Yes this is the law of beautiful people) But the truth is that you must not have much to offer a relationship if you let a good looking man or woman walk all over you because they are good looking. If you are so dense as to subject yourself to that level of idiocy for fleeting good looks then more power to you.

Girls, guys, old men and women are out their starving themselves, dying their hair, getting all types of painful/harmful procedures because they are terrified that they aren't worthy of love by their own merit is one of the saddest things I can think of. (I said one of) Anyway just wanted to give my two cents. Feel free to share your thoughts or opinions on the subject.

The 'Nasium

2005-08-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are curious as to where I spend the bulk of my time I have a picture of the inside of the Mathnasium where I work. I enjoy our new location because it now has an upstairs which helps with more space and to separate some of the older kids from the younger ones or if we need to do some one on one tutoring. Anyway that's it. Have a good day and enjoy.

Trapped in the Vestibule (Chapter 3 of 5)

2005-08-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

in a brief recap I have been relating some events pertaining to a relationship this past year. I left with him saying that I disgust him. I was saying that I couldn't believe he had actually said that to me. Since we were texting each other he didn't get to fully appreciate the impact of his words as I burst out into hysterical sobbing...but wait a minute let's rewind for a second

Rewind<- He initiated the relationship, although I did go along with it, but remember I have been interested in this guy for a year and a half at this point. I thought I knew him and I thought I understood the kind of person he was. Also during the course of our relationship when I realized things weren't going well I tried to end it, seriously, on four different occassions. Each time he disregarded my feelings, fears, and concerns placating me with the belief that we were just going through a "bad patch" and that things were going to get better. (Yeah right!) So I optimistically believed that it would get better not so much because I BELIEVED they would, but because I HOPED they would.

Needless to say after that texted converstation we didn't talk for a while. I know what you are thinking. Why would I ever talk to him. This is the hard part to explain...I'm going to ask you to suspend your disbelief for a second and imagine (this may be hard for some or really easy for others) that you've never really had anyone show you that they love you in spite of your faults. They think you are wonderful and worthy of love without doing anything to deserve it. They are beside you through thick and thin, insanity and all. That's how it was in the beginning. I thought I was being loved unconditionally and experiencing that for, what I thought, was the first time was overwhelming and I was prepared to do anything...accept anything in order to recapture that. I thought maybe what we were going through WAS temporary and that if I was patient he would come around or change. That he would realize how much he had hurt me and was actually still deeply in love with me and that we could forgive and forget any bad things that happened. (Talk about self-delusion) So that's how it's possible that even after the last conversation I was still hoping he would come around and call me and abjectly apologize. (I needed that level of apology if I was going to get over what happened)

Then one night I did the ultimate...in a fit of desparation I called him because at the very least I needed us to end as friends or on speaking terms. I couldn't believe all we shared meant so little to him which was really why I was calling. I guess deep down I need to believe that those feelings he had for me were genuine otherwise...well that would mean that until that point I would know that again I was incapable of inspiring anyone to love me. And I couldn't take that not again.

When he finally took my call I could tell by the sound of his voice that he wished he never had to hear or speak to me again. Probably wishing he didn't even know I existed. I told him basically what I told you. That I wanted us to part friends. I also was secretly looking for reassurance. Needless to say he didn't give me any. He asked if I was too dense to get the message that he didn't want to speak to me again. Then he wounded me in the worse way. He told me the thing no woman wants to hear a man she cares about say..."I'm seeing someone else"...to be continued.

Please stayed tuned for Chapter 4 or "Trapped in the Vestibule".

Question...if the root of why he didn't want to be with me and treated me like dirt was because he was seeing someone all along why didn't he just leave me alone when I had tried to break up before. Is his ego so big that he needs to be the one who ends things with me in tears to feel good about himself? Has this ever happened to you? Why would a person feel the need to do this? Why couldn't I understand no matter how much I wanted it to be different human love is fallible and may not last forever.

Brief Hiatus

2005-08-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

I know I have been relating to you the story I affectionately refer to as "Trapped in the Vestibule". But I wanted to take a brief emotional break (haha just kidding) and write about something different. I don't know how many of you out there are like me (mostly women I assume) who associate sound, smell or texture with a particular event. But I am definitely like that. Whenever I smell cucumbers I think about this guy I know named Seth (don't question me).

Well this weekend I was helping my friend move to Las Vegas and of course we listened to a lot of music as we packed and moved. And for some reason it was old school weekend so we were listening to all these really good hip hop songs from back in the day (i.e. Goody Mob basically just Ceelo) and of course some old R&B favorites. I fondly remember being at the gas station singing "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men at the top of our lungs. Luckily none of us are easily embarrased. It was funny all of these "It's so hard to say goodbye..." type songs kept playing. But one in particular stuck in my head and I have been depressedly listening to it over and over again.

Although the song is obviously written by a woman to a man. Check out the title, "Let Me Let Go" by Faith Hill. (Yes it's country! It's the last song at the bottom) but the chorus has this bittersweet attachment for me because it was a song I listened to a lot when I broke up with an ex and it took a long time getting past. It's difficult for me to get over the fact that I won't get to see my friend whenever I want. That she won't be there for emotional support or for me to suport her. Anyway just wanted to vent a little bit. The irony of it all is that she is coming back for labor day weekend in like 2 weeks. I've definitely not seen her for 2 months so how is this that different. But it is...

Trapped in the Vestibule (Chapter 2 of 5)..

2005-08-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

I'm just making fun of R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet videos (Chapters 1 - 5). I was just thinking how my story would sound set to the same music. Because as anyone knows when R. Kelly writes his songs he basically goes in the studio and just starts saying words. Example:

"Here we are the four of us, total shock, me and her, close my mouth swallow spit and I think to my self this is some messed up s%$#". I mean let's get real "close my mouth...swallow spit?" R. Kelly what were you thinking? Anyway back to the story...

When I left off he wasn't speaking to me any more. This was very hard for me to handle because I had just spent some very emotional days stressed out about whether he was going to live. Keeping myself busy in an attempt to numb my emotions. Needless to say that after this I was pretty torn up. Saying that I took to my bed puts things pretty mildly. There was definitely some mid-night crying and a lot of insomnia where I wondered what I had done wrong. I mean I hadn't changed, had I? He knew what I was like before we started dating. He had known me for nearly 2 years. And I was more open with him than I have been with any other man before. I'm not a perfect person, but I try to do things right and love people the best I can. Compromising when I need, working things out, and willing to go the extra mile to make sure someone is happy and that I can be helpful.

Fast forward -> After another week of self-recrimination and wasted advice from friends that it wasn't my fault, I finally realized that this might be it. Things really might be over. That's the hardest part of an ending relationship. Admitting to yourself it's over when you would give you last breath for it not to end. I realized I had to try and move on picking up the shattered pieces of my heart, pride, and ego if I had any hope of getting over him.

As I sorted through somethings I found pictures of us together and I was transported back to better times. I realized I couldn't look at anything of his without feeling a sharp pain in my chest, I'm not sure if it's real or imagined. It sure seems real. I found one of his sweatshirts he let me wear when we were out one time and it got a little chilly. Some of his music that we had listened together. And I realized I'm getting nowhere fast and I have to return these things at least for myself so that I don't have constant reminders of him around my house. I mean it had already taken all the strength I had to delete his text messages, his phone number, and saved voice mails. (Yes I'm a loser I saved his voicemails, that's what it's like when you have it really bad)

Instead of putting myself through more torture I texted him and asked if it would be alright if I dropped his stuff in the mail and he sent me back some things that I had left at his place. It seemed like a reasonable request to make. I was fairly certain that he felt the same way I did and didn't want my things around his place. Much to my surprise (though not as much as before) he responded with a resounding NO!!! Can you believe that he said no. I of course responded with the obvious question of WHY?!? In a nutshell he told me I wasn't worth it and he wasn't going to waste good money sending me back my (*insert expletives here)! I would have understood more if he was talking about some meaningless junk, but it was some things that I find very valuable. The thing I couldn't get over was that he was telling me I meant less than nothing to him and he wasn't going to return my things because I wasn't worth it.

Fast Forward-> He again started to categorize my faults, he went further this time with insults which weren't true and rounded off with saying and I quote "I don't even know why I ever went out with you, you disgust me!" You can imagine my mental state after that. It wasn't good. (mild understatement). Needless to say I was completely devestated by this comment. I couldn't say much after that I was hurting so bad...to be continued.

Has that ever happened to you? Not only has someone dumped you, but feels the need to grind you down into dust on top of it. It wasn't neccessary for him to make those comments, but he did. Wasn't it enough that he had already hurt me did he have to stand in triumph over me?

Stay tuned for part 3.

As usual have a good day and enjoy. Feel free to share your thoughts.

There's a girl named Tammy...

2005-08-16T22:31:00.000-07:00

...she got two kids. (You've probably heard me sing this phrase) It's from a song my sister used to sing when she was going through her song writer phase. It's additive even 15 years later I still walk around singing it.

Anyway I wanted to tell you a little story, I will change it a little to protect the innocent and the not so guilty...So there is a guy who I met about 2 1/2 years ago. We worked together and I must admit I had a crush on him for the first 3 weeks we knew each other. As did most girls at my job. After about 6-7 months I finally got up the courage to ask him if he wanted to join my friends and myself for lunch. He said no, but maybe next time. I was crushed needless to say. Felt all rejected and dejected. But after a couple more weeks of my friend bugging me to ask him again I did and he said yes. We went and had lunch at a local hangout for the people at my job. We had a good time and it turned into a regular weekly thing. We got to know each other pretty well. (Yes just as friends).

Anyway he ended up leaving the job, but we have stayed friends through all that and even grew closer. Over the next year we started spending a lot of time together. Although we spent a lot of time together it didn't seem as if he viewed me as anything other than a friend. Although the more I learned about him the more interested I was. A couple of times I was really tempted to tell him how I felt, but I didn't. Finally I formed what I will refer to as the New Year's Plan. A bunch of us were getting together to celebrate the 2005 new year and he would be there. So I decided to just take a chance and go for it see what happens. Ok so I'll admit I needed a little dutch courage, but I was ready. Then the most amazing thing happened. He made the first move. Let me know he was ineterested in ME!! I mean can you believe that after all the heart ache. Then he preceded to tell me that he had been interested in me for the past year. (Imagine my shock)

Needless to say I was on cloud nine. I was telling all my friends about our new relationship. And the best part was he already knew people I knew and hung out with them so I didn't have to try to force him to hang out with my friends they were his friends. The other part I really liked was that he already knew all about me. My faults, my dysfunctional past relationships and he still liked me. At that point I got really scared. I mean I never had a relationship be as good as this was. I shared my concerns with him. Because he knew how scared I was to become vunerable again. He told me I didn't have anything to worry about. He said he would never do anything to hurt me. And since we were already good friends I felt that I could trust him. I mean he knows I've been hurt before and that I was only into having a serious relationship.

Now it's time for a little thing called fast forward. (over the next three months we had the best relationship spending time together, laughing, loving, sharing). Now it's March and I'm more into him than I ever was. Then one night I went over to his place to hang out and for some reason he was cold and distant. I'm not sure why. He kept acting weird and I finally confronted him about it because I was confused. All of a sudden he blew up at me and told me to stop crowding him and how he needed his space. I said ok I understand I'll go home. But that wasn't enough for him. He followed up with outlining all my faults to me. Needless to say the evening ended with a blazing row and I went home to cry my eyes out. I wasn't sure were it was all coming from. The last time I saw him we were cool like we always were, now this.

Fast forward -> over the next couple of weeks he kept blowing hot and cold. Finally I said hey if you don't want this relationship I'll understand we can just be friends and things can go back to the way they were. Then all of a sudden he is telling me how much he loves me and needs me, but he is going through a time where he needs to focus on himself. I'm thinking what the h*$@! Basically he needs to be selfish and doesn't want me to interfer with that unless he wants to be around me?!? Needless to say the next month after that was pretty rocky with me trying to give him space, but still wanting to be with him. But things go from bad to worse and I can tell the situation is coming to a head and it would be best if we at least stopped dating if not go our separate ways. (I hoped for the former, feared the latter)

Fast forward -> Over the next 2 months I am desparately trying to get closure and end the relationship because I realize we don't have the same goals in life (I enjoy being there for other people and he wanted to be there for himself), but I still want to be with him so it's hard. Every time I tell him that I can't see him anymore he calls or texts me telling me he still wants me in his life and things are gonna get better. And after a couple of days I wear down and go back. Then he shoves me away again. Then I finally say I can't do this anymore I want to be friends, but I can't keep going through this with you. Through the whole thing he alternates between categorizing my faults then telling me how much he needs me.

Finally after my finally attempt at sanity he calls me in the middle of the night (drunk I might add) to tell me he has made a horrible mistake and loves me and wants to be with me. So what do I do. I go back! Ugh! Then I find out he is sick. He is in the hospital and I'm there for him I shop, clean, and stay right there by his side until the worst is over. When he comes home he throws all my efforts back in my face and says he never wants to see me again...to be continued.

Stay tuned for part 2...

Now tell me seriously have any of you ever been there. Trying to get out of a relationship with someone because you realize for whatever reason it isn't going to work, but they don't want to let you go. Then finally when you give in they push you away. To me it seems like they just want the upper hand. What hind of messed up s*&$! is that? Relationships are too much for me.

Anyway as always have a good day and enjoy.

Woo...Hoo!

2005-08-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if L.A. is ready for this. Jump back everyone, my friend Daniel is coming out to visit next month. Is the CC ready? Clearly if you know me you will realize that the preceding was mildly* sarcastic, however I'm extremely excited. I think I squealed in Daniel's ear about 5 or 6 times yesterday. I also realized that he will be going with Derek and myself up to NorCal to visit Lauren, and other local attractions. Not that Lauren could be considered a local attraction. Although I think she is pretty wonderful.

Anyhoo just wanted to share my eager anticipation. Luckily for me L.A. is already a pretty interesting place and the CC will provide the perfect place to kick back and relax getting away from the hectic rush. (Sort of I mean get real it's L.A.). I'm just hoping that my room will be ready in time. Otherwise it will be 7 people trying to use 1 bathroom instead of 6. Actually Will doesn't use it much.

Well that's all for now. I will be back with more tips and witty advice later this week. Have a good day and as always enjoy.

* mildly = extremely

The Haps the not Haps and Everything in Between

2005-08-14T08:58:00.000-07:00

Argh!!! It's been a while since my last post. I've actually been working for a change and then the one time earlier this week when I wanted to post, blogger was down for general maintainence. (of course). So I have a choice here that's clear for anyone to see...catch everyone up on what's been going on OR make sarcastic observations. I think I'll err on the side of sarcasm because there never really was a choice to begin with.

First for those of you who don't indulge in the pleasure of reading Brooke's blog and haven't seen the newest ipod addition I encourage you to check out this new mp3 player. (Absolutely hilarious).

I'm currently in the process of helping my friend move to Vegas (yes I know I know that means I'll be going to Vegas all the time now) and I didn't realize what an emotional time it would be. I went to a scrapbooking session last night up in the GHC so that I could work on a scrapbook I'm making for her as a going away present. (Yes I know that sounds kinda cheesy).

Anyway the other night I watched a movie called Switchback and to give a movie review in a word, "Ugh!!!" The only redeeming quality this film had was being able to ridicule it with friends. (please check out the link above if you don't believe me)

Anyway that's all I have for now. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Bye-Bye Tagboard

2005-08-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

As many of you have seen my tagboard is MIA right now. I'm currently trying to make my own ghetto version of tagboard so I don't have to rely on the kindness of others (i.e. having code that links to their websites that end up not working) so if you wanna shout out just email me or leave irrelevant comments on my posts. Have a great day. (Remember you can post anonymously)

I've finally found a good man...

2005-07-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

As many of you know I hate Helen Hunt. I have an embargo on her movies and have imposed sanctions on people who have stated her name in my presence. I've finally found the perfect guy. As many of you saw in my last post I found a really cool site where a pirate (which I love) by the name of Maddox expresses his opinions on various subjects.

Well I've been going back through his archive reading previous things he has written and came upon the best comments ever. (Please do not read unless you too hate helen hunt I don't want to deal with people who get all huffy when someone doesn't like who they like.) Anyway I knew he was the perfect man when he realized instinctively the inherent evil that is Helen Hunt. It was just a matter of time until someone else saw the light. Of course like all good men I'm sure he is taken and/or isn't interested in geeky girls such as myself. (Even when a guy is the biggesnt geek/dork/nerd he's still holding out for a supermodel.)

Anyway have a good day and as always enjoy.

A Little Bit Never Hurt Anybody

2005-07-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

Today at work before the floodgates opened and the children decended on us like the plague...I mean angels from heaven my coworker Hsun showed me the funniest website I've seen in a long time. (Feel free to stop reading my post now and click here immediately.)

If you are still reading ok fine. If you are an avid "blogger" then please read this. Although I would like to state for the record that mine isn't as bad, but maddox has a point.

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

Funny Quotes....(Revised)

2005-07-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

I've been having some interesting conversations recently I thought I'd share with you some of my favorite quotes:

(REVISED PORTION) please go check out donna's page and comments for the best quote ever!!!!

"...yeah most of the black girls I know have hair that is so short they can't even make...what do you call those things...oh yeah ASTRO puffs!"

"You know it must have been hot if I was coming up out of my clothes!"

"Make sure you don't say it with a Hebrew accent, no one will understand!"

"Tanika you aren't gonna PEE in that toilet, are you?"

"Come look at my bathroom it's so exciting, if you want to see something boring go look at mom and dad's."

"I just want to hold the monkey for a little while..."

If you have any funny quotes from conversations feel free to make a comment.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Tanika's Los Angeles Beauty Secrets...

2005-07-21T21:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah Right! Ummm...don't you know who I am? But I thought it would be a funny title. Well I've been thinking recently about something JR said a couple of months ago at Kairos. He told us to take a moment and think about something we would physically change about ourselves. (Go ahead and close your eyes and think about it for a second)

Well anyway living in a place like L.A. where people get plastic surgery like they are ordering a fast food meal it is easy for BOTH men and women to think about all their physical imperfections becoming irritated or disatisfied with their looks eagerly wanting to imitate someone they feel looks better or maybe just recreate themselves in whatever their idea of "perfection" is. (btw-plastic surgery is dirt cheap in Mexico in case you were thinking about it seriously)

Anyway when I thought about what I would change it came to me very simply. I would love to have my right baby toe undergo some reconstructive surgery. Ever since I was a little girl I've stubbed, jammed, sprained or broken the thing on a regular basis. It's little more than a scary chocolate stump. It's so knarled and twisted it looks like it's "throwing gang signs". Ok maybe it isn't that bad, but pretty close.

I mean really though my BABY TOE?!? What's up witht that? I mean let's get real I could start at the top of my nappy head and work my way down to that self-same toe and find a bazillion things that aren't "perfect" and need "a fixin'", but I decided a while ago that there are things about me that I might not like on the outside, but as long as I'm happy with the Tanika on the inside the rest can go walkabout. Because no matter what I change about my appearance to "appeal" to others if I can't live with myself then who cares.

So why now? Why the toe? Well because I stubbed it for the gazillionth time and it hurt to wear my shoe so in a fit of rage I started thinking. But I realize that it's pointless. Baby toe will ever be the same. Maybe she'll fall off of her own accord.

Well anyway as always have a good day and enjoy.

A Voice in the Wind...

2005-07-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling a lot of pressure from some friends to read the book A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers. And yesterday I finally did. Suffice to say it was incredible I couldn't put the book down. Read it in less than 2 days. Yup all 500 pages. Which is pretty standard where I'm concerned anyway.

For those of you who might be scared off by the cover and the back of the book which says, "A young Christian slave girl struggles to reconcile her love for a handsome aristocrat with her deep faith, as she confronts the dark and decadent forces of imperial Rome ... " you might think, "Oh no! Cheesy romance!" But trust me there couldn't be anything further from the truth. There isn't anything the least bit "romantic" about this book. Unless of course you think it's romantic to watch gladiators kill each other for sport, learn how the decadence of Rome spread through the Empire like a disease, or learn shocking parallels that exist between our modern society and ancient Rome (trust me they ain't good). Anyway I'm definitely recommending this book to both men and women. It also has some really cool discussion questions at the end that help you dig into the text better. (Excellent reading for small groups).

I prefer the synopsis that says. "Hadassah, a Christian, is taken as a slave by a Roman family and falls in love with their son Marcus. Meanwhile, a Germaina warrior, Atretes, is taken as a gladiator to fight for his life in the Ludus. Both must face challenges and love as their lives intertwine, and bring them together in a triangle of hate and love. " Although that in no way encapsulates what happens in this book. You definitely won't be able to put it down until the end.

Just another Sunday?!?

2005-07-17T18:58:00.000-07:00

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon in the outskirts of Culver City. I had just finished crying my eyes out at the end of the movie The Color Purple and was playing baseball in the backyard with Dawson. Then Lisa comes out and agitated says "Quick, get inside, there's a grenade next door! The bomb squad is here!". Not sure exactly what's going on I hurry inside with Dawson eagerly awaiting an explaination. Joe says, "Stay away from the south side of the house and the south facing windows. In case of flying objects." As we move into the family room Lisa explains that the next door neighbors found a live grenade in their backyard garage and the bomb squad was here to extract it and check for other "suspicious" objects. ( I would like to point out it's been there for 20 years (they say))

Now we are planted in front of the door watching as the armored bomb squad van pulls up, then the K-9 unit. Now more officers...the kids have pretzels and enjoy the show outside the door from a safe distance. Not sure what's happening we try to listen in as the officers communicate on their radios and talk to each other about progress...

Not sure of what happened we look away for a moment and in a flash they are gone. Is everything over? Has the grenade been removed? Are we safe? Sorry folks I don't have answers to those questions, I guess we all will have to just wait and see.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #12: Yes my friends it has been some time since my last relationship post, but it isn't because things haven't been happening it's because I just couldn't focus on anything. Over the past couple of weeks I have noticed that people can get hung up on various relationship. For example, creating the perfect situation where you meet the perfect person, expecting never to argue, or expecting someone to be able to read your mind and know exactly how to react. (This is NOT a comprehensive list). Or worse the negative ideal, i.e. that you are destined to only ever meet up with horrible people/situations or that only guys that will mistreat you are going to be attracted to you which is underlined both by Donna's post and also the comment my friend made to me this week, "Tanika is a good for something man every going to love me?". To tell the truth I try to stay positive about life, but I also like to be realistic. I like to think I'm a realistic optimist. (whatever that means). I guess what I mean is that I feel that sometimes it's difficult for us to let go of perfect scenarios or horrifying scenarios that make us think and feel that with any of our relationships if it doesn't go the way we ideally would like then it isn't the best way or worse that we expect the worse and that's all that can ever happen. We all are complex individuals (yes, you are...yeah you over in the back) and because are lives are sometimes complicated it's impossible for us to predict what's going to happen so whe shouldn't get bent out of shape trying or stressing out about worse case scenarios. Anyway feel free to share your comments.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Addendum: The neighbors came over a few minutes ago and let us know that it was mearly a tear gas bomb. Nothing to worry about. It would mearly burn the very flesh from your bones. Nothing to serious. They will continue searching for more tear gas and will keep us up to date.

Good wine...good times

2005-07-12T17:27:00.000-07:00

As my lovely friend Lauren said my friend Derek and I went to visit her this weekend for a belated birthday celebration and a friendly visit to Vacaville. Because of Lauren's bewitching proximity to Napa Valley we were compelled to make a visit to the world famous wine growing region. Above you can see the view from the terrace of Sterling Winery which was our first port of call. I thoroughly enjoyed gazing out over the gorgeous view while soaking in the sun, the humming of the insects, and enjoying a glass of viognier. The crisp citrus flavor mingled with the atmosphere and company to provide an intoxicating experience. (my attempts at waxing poetic)

I must admit that I had to eat a heavy, carby lunch after this visit because those four tastings although spread over a couple of hours did rather go to my head. (they barely give you a sip. I guess I must be a lightweight after all, HAHA!) I definitely enjoyed this trip as much as my last to the Napa Valley. Although I think we overwhelmed Derek with our wine connoisseur skills. I definitely remember him pointing out that he couldn't tell the difference between a 75 dollar bottle and a 25 dollar bottle of wine. But what we told him is that it all boils down to your personal tastes. I prefer reds. Unless it's a fruity crisp white. However he did say he loved Moscato. That boy has excellent tastes.

Anyway we moved onto my next favorite place (St. Supery is in a class all it's own, thanks to Lauren). Frog's Leap Winery. It was a rustic, rambling sort of place with a huge red barn and an orchard where you could sample the fruit while you enjoyed the wine (which was free by the way). We sipped our 2nd Sauvignon Blanc of the day (there would be 2 more to follow) as we walked around inhaling the aroma of ripe peaches and lavender. We enjoyed some extremely good peaches and I brought a couple back for the Raceks. Afterward we went to St. Supery and another one that started with a C. For the life of me I can't remember the name. (btw-Lauren is so well known at St. Supery that we got to pretty much taste what we wanted even without our lifetime tasting cards)

We had a great evening with Greek food, more wine, and Derek's first experience of Alias. I think this weekend held a lot of firsts for my friend who had never been wine tasting. All in all I think it was a wonderful weekend full of laughs, good food, and great friends. If anyone is interested in going back just let a sista know.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Yes, I need to be like everyone else...

2005-07-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

Much like Donna and Anna I was intrigued by the check list and decided to fill it out myself. Feel free to do the same so I can see yours...

checklist: (must get more x's)
(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
(x) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) had alcohol
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose (or orange jello...)
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) made out in an... elevator
(x) swore at your parents...
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts.
( ) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) broken a bone
( ) been high
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
(x) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) stole something from your job
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(xx) had a crush on a teacher (Prof. Kochekian)
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
(x) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa..
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been snowboarding
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
(x) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
(x) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now

hope you enjoyed finding out what you did. Does any of it shock you. I hope so...it's all true.

Napa Getaway...

2005-07-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have not yet had the pleasure this a picture of the new house where I live with the Raceks. If you look really closely you can see Dawson and Katie in the window. For the record we live in the 'burbs. Okay enough about that.

Once again I'm heading for the north of the state to visit my good friend Lauren. We will be belatedly celebrating her birthday (which was today) and enjoying the sights and sounds of Vacaville and of course the beauty of Wine Country. Unfortunately, unlike my last Napa escapade my friend Mike will not be joining in our festivities. But we hope to introduce my good friend Derek (DR) to the wonders of Napa Valley. Unbeknownst to him I will be bringing my wine bible and will be scoping out the best way to enjoy our wine..uh hmmm...I meant time. Not that Lauren doesn't have an awesome weekend planned. (I'm sure she does).

Sorry I haven't been communicado this week. There some interesting things going on, but the most interesting I'm not at liberty to speak about yet. So sad. (and no, no one new is pregnant.) I enjoyed watching the 4th of July fireworks from the top of Dawson and Katie's swingset. I sat on the very top and was able to watch the entire fireworks. It was actually pretty chilly. It's usually chilly at night in the CC. That's about all for now. No tips not toids. But as always have a good day and enjoy.

Hmmm....

2005-07-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

Considering what next to post about. Have many thoughts jumbling around the ol' noggin'. All fighting for coherency.

But I would like to state that I think it's time for me to break out the sandals. I think that should make Shannon happy. She has been yelling at me for a month now...until clarity have a good day and enjoy.

Hat Hair, Dating Disasters, and other Important Issues...

2005-06-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

A little tanikaisms to help us get through the day:

-Today I was walking and I noticed a guy with a very obvious toupee. It was sooooo bad it looked like a hair hat. It was the worse case of hat hair I've ever seen. I burst out laughing. It reminded me of the episode of Seinfeld where George gets a toupee much to everyone else's amusement and dismay.

-Last weekend I spent the night at a friends place and we inevitably discussed her current disastrous relationship. I'm friends with both her and her ummm...guy friend...or whatever he is and today I was walking in Barnes and Noble and I saw a book that caught my eye and as I read...it felt like I was reading a story about their relationship. It's called "Dating Disasters...And how to avoid them" by Joy Browne. Clearly my friend wasn't reading this book or maybe she wouldn't be in her current position. The book takes stories, edits out the names, and gives you interesting insight into relationship problems. She starts the book off by listing various guys out there. (Sorry that's as far as I got in the book I do have other things to do.) Some of the guys it's bad to be in a relationship (the ones I remember):

The Married Guy, The separated but still Married Guy, The Recently Divorced Guy, The Stuck Guy, The Dance Away Lover (The Game Player, The Addict, and The Manic-Depressive), The Mama's Boy...)

The guy my friend is seeing is the Dance Away Lover (there are 3 types). Joy Browne says, " He can't tolerate real intimacy because he doesn't like himself-and he fears that you won't like the "real" guy any better than he does." Because the closer you get to him the greater the risk for exposure. Closely related to Relationship Tip #11 is this guy. He'll take you away for a long weekend, then break up with you on Monday. After great sex, he'll have to go home. He needs to know that he is valuable to you, but at the same time is unable to make the same level of emotional commitment that you are, but ironically enough if he senses you pulling away he will start calling making sure you are still into him until you try to come back closer and then he pulls away again. It's like he secretly enjoys it. And the worse part is he makes it seem like it's your fault in the first place. Having you apologize for things you don't even know you did. It's crazy. Reading this chapter felt like I was rehashing my conversation from the weekend. It was nuts because that's exactly how this guy is.

-I love spicy pickles!

-It's annoying when people want you to scratch their back and they say, "Will you itch my back?" or that they have to itch their arm or something. I think, "It's already itching, isn't that the problem in the first place?" Argh!!!

-My allergies are acting childish again after 2 years on hiatus.

-Why is green so darn pretty?

-I think this lady wants to open a Mathnasium with me or something?

-It's just the Germans planning to take over I say.

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

Thoughts ...

2005-06-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading The Color Purple by Alice Walker. And as Donna points out one of the characters Shug has some interesting thoughts on the subject of God. I can't express them the same way that she does, but Shug challenges Celie's naive perceptions of the God of her mind and Celie "...Realizes that the God she needs is not the one she originally envisages. It is significant that she sees him as white and old 'like some white man work at the bank'. All the angels are white, too and she comes to realize that this God is useless to her... Her changing perceptions of God are completed by Shug Avery's unconventional interpretations of God and His purpose. Shug rejects the narrow Church and its false perceptions, preferring to have a personal religion in which God figures 'Not as a she or a he but a It.' She shares this revelation with Celie - the Gospel According to Shug - in order to worship, a person should 'lay back and just admire stuff. Be happy.' "

After reading this book I started thinking a lot about my perception of God. And when I talk to him what I'm actually picturing on the other end of the "conversation". How much do I allow my naive views shape who I think God is. Is it possible that by rendering God ineffectual in my mind I also render ineffectual my connection with him and his influence in my life?

On a similar note I've also been mildly curious about this religious fellowship that is close to Kairos. It's called Self-Realization Fellowship. There motto is a church for all religions and all cultures. Not only are it's Headquarters located in Los Angeles, I walk past this building roughly once a week and wonder about there teachings of God and their beliefs. I wonder if the teachings they have will challenge my current perceptions of God. Could I handle that challenge? Why would I want to hear things that challenge me in the first place? Lots of thoughts run through my head.

I've always enjoyed learning about other religions and others thoughts about God or whoever else people might worship. I feel that after all is said and done it's a good experience because one I've grown in my understanding and I'm able to more clearly define what I believe and why. Nothing it isn't always pleasant, but I wouldn't ever stop exploring.

It's A Boy!

2005-06-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

As many of you know I have some interesting dreams (when I'm sleeping and awake) I dream about being kidnapped and tortured for gov't secrets. I dream of being the leading mathematician in the country. I dream in other languages and about other worlds. Then I'll have a really unusual dream. Like I'm pregnant.

For those of you who know Galimore. Back when I was in Blacksburg I used to dream I was pregnant by him about 3 times a week. It got to the point where he would act all offended if I didn't dream about him. (For the record I was never interested in him nor he in me. Usually though these dreams have no basis in the reality of me being or wanting to be pregnant. Galimore said he thinks it's me getting ready to start a new project or idea. Anyway the other night I had another dream. I sent an email to my friend about it so here are some of the excerpts:

...although I did dream I was pregnant last night. And the guy who I was pregnant by was this old grey haired Indian man (from India) who actually had a wife and adult children back in India. And no we weren't married. Mike wanted me to announce it at church, but I said you can't announce you're pregnant when you have a baby's daddy. Especially when your baby daddy already married. Mike was like "Oh!" Anyway we were trying to figure out what to name the baby and Mike was like why don't you name him after the baby daddy. So I figured his name should have been Krisnaraj, Hrithik or even Karthik you know something Indian. But it was Erek Kirkeric. I said that's not very Hindu. He said well it's my name ... I went back to the dad and he was like actually my first name Erek is short for Derek. Yeah Derek Kirkeric. Which I thought was kinda interesting. (on a side note everyone I talked to both my guy friends Eric and Derek and told them it's just a dream so I feel comfortable sharing this without it getting misunderstood, at least by them) I guess my dream was really an amalgomation of all the things I've thought about recently...

I go on to explain to my friend why I thought the name was like that. But funnily enough I was talking to my friend Derek yesterday and he said that he was asked to plan a baby shower and he had no clue what to do. I was telling him about my dream and then I was like maybe that's the new project or idea. So we sat around spitballing ideas for what to do at a baby shower and how to organize one. See easy peasy. I definitely am not trying to have children. At least not now and not by Eric, Derek, or an old Indian man (ok maybe the old Indian man. Just kidding). But I still thought it was kinda funny. Why do I have these weird dreams. Please feel free to share you weirdest dreams. I love hearing about those.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #11: (at least I think it's 11) "Why can't you stop the games and act how you feel, or at least clearly state it." This was said to me yesterday by a good friend of mine. He is in the middle of a tumultuous relationship and has been for some months. We were both saying we are sick of all the game playing that goes on in male/female relationship. I know we all want "spice" in or relationships and to keep things interesting. Also we might be seeking to protect ourselves, but please STOP THE GAMES! Along the same lines of stringing someone along there is also the game playing. It's just like my tip #1. Consistency. But this is once you are already in a relationship. Saying crazy stuff like "I already saw you this week. That's too many times, I need to hang out with my boys now!" What kinda ignorant mess is that? Making sure that you always maintain the "upper hand" in a relationship, I guess it's what some people think it is. I think it's just plain childish. Then your whole relationship turns into all these manipulative games and then you can't trust your partner anymore. How long do you think that's gonna last. Relationships shouldn't be about maintaining the upper hand. It should be about loving, laughing and sharing. Because trust me all the game playing and score keeping is gonna get old, and quick.

Exposee...

2005-06-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

I would like to state that within this blog ME has finally revealled themselves on my blog. Deep in the inner recesses of the comments Me gives away their identity. So if you want to know who me is you have to look for yourself. Thank you me. I can't believe I didn't figure it out.

We're Here!

2005-06-20T19:55:00.000-07:00

The Raceks and I have officially moved into our Culver City residence. So long Los Angeles. We're in the 'burbs. (or as close to the burbs as you can get). We live at the end of a cul de sac in a nice residential neighborhood. I knew we hit the 'burbs when the neighbors came over to welcome us.

The funny part is there is a kid next door (actually he is about 16) who goes to the mathnasium. So when the he and the dad came over to say hello Miles and I looked at each other and were like "Hey I know you!" Now he's gonna tell his family how I'm a mini-dictator over at the Mathnasium (just kidding I'm really very nice).

As some of you know there has been high drama in this whole California housing project. Now I'm at liberty to write my expose on the California Real Estate Market. If I had to sum up the experience in one word it would be SCANDALOUS. From beginning to end. Their has been intrigue, subterfuge, and seduction. Okay maybe not seduction, but I'm sure it's not from lack of trying. Anyway I'm resting these next few days and gathering my wits so I can make it a funny unforgettable tale, Tanika-style. Stay tuned.

Blactoid: I'm currently reading The Color Purple by Alice Walker and one of the main characters Celie is married to this guy named Mr. ______ . It was a marriage of convenience (his convenience, of course) it's set during the early 1900's and is a collection of letters written by Celie first to God and then to her sister Nettie. It's quite disturbing because of the way the women are treated throughout this novel. I guess one of the things that stuck out to me was that Celie is married to Mr. ______, but she doesn't love him, was actually forced to marry him becuase of her father. Now his Mr. ______'s mistress Shug has moved into the house and it doesn't seem to bother Celie at all. As a matter of fact she is actually very interested in and attached to Shug. She talks about how Shug is the best thing that ever happened to her.

I was just thinking about how subordinated black women were during this time period and how incredibly far they have come and what they have overcome to get to this point. Pretty amazing.

Identity Theft...

2005-06-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

I can say with complete and utter confidence that Me and French Girl aren't one and the same. The plot thickens...Now my speculation. Is Me male or female? I will have to diligently comb all of me's comments for any sort of gender typing words. Me I agree with you, I am enjoying the tagboard very much.

A Me et French Girl: Je vais vous trouver! (I'm going to find you!)

Public Apology

2005-06-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

Hey I just wanted to apologize for all the French on the tagboard. I sometimes forget that everyone doesn't speak French, but it looks like English to me so it's hard to explain that I never really notice. But the reason I wrote a lot of stuff in French was because I wanted to weed out the French speaking French girl and possibly me unless me and french girl are one and the same. I was also thinking if you don't speak french then you wouldn't take the time to respond to me in French unless it was really you.

I'm not exclusive and from here on out will provide translations to any languages posted on my blog that I also understand. If I can't read it then don't worry about it.

Mais, a fille francaise, je te cherche. (but to the french girl I'm looking for you.)

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Always Moisturize...

2005-06-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

Ok so apparently I have abnormally soft skin. (Exceptions palm of hand and bottom of feet). How do I know? Because when people brush up against me and realize how soft my skin is they keep wanting to touch it. (i.e. the human resources manager at my old job, little kids, ummm...significant others (clearing throat), and the general public.

Yesterday I was working with a private tutor I have. She is an 8 year old little girl named Hanna who is extremely interesting and says some of the craziest comments that I've ever heard of. She is a little Jewish girl who currently speaks English, and Hebrew and is learning Spanish and she is obsessed with me teaching her how to speak slang. She repeats any slang-esque words she hears me say. Well a couple of weeks ago she discovered how soft my arm was when she accidently brushed up against me. Now she is always trying to stroke my cheek or touch my arm or something which really freaks me out a bit. But I know that it's just that kids are physically affectionate and don't have as many boundaries as adults so it's cool. But yesterday she kept brushing against my arm and finally I was like, "Hanna please stop and do your work." She said to me, "Tanika is there any part of your body that isn't soft?" and I said "you mean that's all hard and crusty." She was like "yeah hard and crusty." I said "yeah the bottom of my feet." She was all excited and said, "Can I touch them?" I said, "No Hanna, now get back to work!"

I guess because my skin is so dark I get "ashy" all the time. Or at least I feel ashy so I moisturize between 10-15 times a day. I don't mean to but I don't want to walk around looking like I bathed in the powder house. That's a phrase my mother used to use. "You so ashy, you looked like you bathed in a powder house." As a result. I guess my skin is soft, but that doesn't mean I want everyone to touch it. But if you are wondering how to entice that special someone may I suggest using a little moisturizer for extra dry skin. It works for me. (this is not a relationship tip)

As always have a good day and enjoy.

The Platonic Friend

2005-06-11T02:41:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite comedians Chris Rock gives very comedic insight into relationships especially the role of the "platonic friend". Although he can be a bit crude I think he has a valid point, given some recent events that I have been privvy to. Chris Rock basically breaks it down saying that a lot of women have platonic male friends in their life who they spend a lot time with, sometimes flirt with generally treat like another woman (yeah right). A woman will down play this guy's importance to her boyfriend and tells him that he is just like her girlfriend, Pam.(although there are exceptions, it is very difficult for men and women to be platonic friends unless there are clear boundaries. See I'm not saying impossible I'm just saying that unless you now where you stand it can get messy) But the "platonic" guy friends know the truth and they are usually just biding their time until the boyfriend messes up then it goes a little something like this:

Girl: (sobbing) I can't believe Kenneth would act like this. I can't believe what he said to me, can you?
Platonic Friend: (thinking: Yeah I can, and btw thanks Ken for acting like a jerk) No, I can't. You're so wonderful how could a guy treat you like that. I know I never would.
Girl: That's why you are so awesome. You are so in tune to my needs, unlike Ken. It's just that we've been together so long I know it's probably just stress and he'll get over it.
Platonic friend: (thinking: I hope not) Maybe. Are you happy right now? I mean look at how things are going. You should be taking better care of yourself...
(And you can take out the sobbing, replace girl with guy and trust me the situation would pretty much be the same just flipped)

And you can figure out where that conversation is going. See platonic friend is too smart. He will never actually bad mouth Ken, but he knows Ken is making fatal errors and he isn't about to say anything that is going to help Ken out.

I have a friend who recently has been put into the position of "platonic friend". He wasn't thinking about Keisha, at least not in that way. I mean Keisha is a great girl and all but she has been dating Robert for a while and my friend realized that things weren't going to happen so... Just chill out and have a good time. Keisha's good company no problem right? Then Rob started acting like a fool and Keisha and my friend started spending more and more time together. I think we've all been in this situation before. Whether we were Keisha, Rob, or my friend. Where a relationship isn't going that well and you realize that there are actually other people out there who treat you with respect and diginity. Are sensitive to your needs and actually cares about the things you care about, unlike your signifcant other. Which isn't a bad thing. If you are in a realtionship where you aren't being treated well then maybe it's time to get out. Not because you should be with a particular someone else, but just because you shouldn't have to put up with that. The only downside to the platonic friend in this scenario is that sometimes the situation doesn't go like it does above. Girl doesn't break up with boyfriend and end up with platonic friend. Unlike Rock's scenario even though the girl starts to see the platonic friend in a different light she doesn't break up with the boyfriend. That goes a little something like this:

Girl: I love spending time with you and I really like you a lot, but Ken needs me right now.
Platonic Friend: (thinking: no he doesn't, he needs to be shot) Well what does that mean, that you aren't interested in me?
Girl: No that's not it. It's just that, it isn't a good time for Ken and I to break up.
Platonic Friend:(thinking: yeah you should have broken up 5 months ago) I see, so then where does that leave us? Just buds hanging out...

Then you can end up in what I like to call the Matt/Kelly scenario. Kelly is dating Chris. Chris is a total jerk. (and no, not all women like jerks). So Kelly starts hanging out with Matt. Has a good time. Does most things boyfriend and girlfriends do. Matt waits for Kelly to break up with Chris. Kelly doesn't. Kelly thinks Chris is misunderstood and just needs her to be there for him. Matt is still watiting for Kelly to break up with Chris. (Maybe not anymore this was a year and a half ago).

So you are faced with a couple choices. Ride Kelly's whip, indefinitely or say hey Kelly since things aren't going anywhere we can't keep chillin' like this. It's too difficult for me to watch you waste your time of Chris. Even if we don't get togther you gotta drop Chris like 3rd period French. Or you can tell Kelly, "Hey, I'm out I don't have time for love triangles, quadrilaterals or tetrahedrons. The only problem is that most of the time you would rather just stay platonic friends so you can at least still see them. It's most annoying and confusing. The truth of the matter is that it's not cool to "ride someone's whip" so if you can get out then get out.

So I guess what I'm saying is. Girls and guys can't be just friends. You can act like you are just friends, but every once in a while a thought will cross one of your minds and either you will get together, stop chillin', mess up another person's relationship or just ignore it. Feel free to share your thoughts.

As always have a good day and enjoy. (If you dare).

I give up, Everyone is better than me...

2005-06-09T13:41:00.000-07:00

I have been really enjoying reading recent posts by all my fellow bloggers. You should check some of them out they are over there on the right near the bottom. (yes, I know it's a lot of work to scroll down, get over it.)

I was reading a really interesting post by the wonderful, lovely Lauren about relationships both romantic and platonic. She was saying that sometimes the relationships that we "fall into easily" are actually the most difficult ones to maintain because we may not have taken the time to really get to know the person. She also did clarify saying that many relationships die away for various reasons not just because they were whirlwind. She blames the media in her post, which I'm always a huge advocate of doing.

I thought about what she meant and I know that in this instance that I think I have traumatized my other friends with relationships I've had with totally different people. For example, they will see me become really "good friends" with someone. Spend every waking moment with that person and then all of a sudden I'm not with that person any more. Not because they aren't cool, but because for me it was just a phase I was going through and it usually happens with people like I am.

(Before I tell this story I would like to clarify that I'm straight. And you could replace the name of Shannon with the name of certain guys I know and it would be the same) I call it "falling in love with people" I am very choosy about who I fall in love with, but when I do I can't be with them enough (to a point). For example when I first moved to LA I met this girl named Shannon. We were coworkers and some how or other I realized that she was into books and movies as much as I was and I found that our interests coincided on a lot of mutual subjects. We started spending pretty much every waking moment together. We worked together, ate together, went out together, and pretty much did everything together. I wanted to know everything about her and I was pretty much into learning everything about her. Then after a while I realized ok I'm done now, but she isn't that type of person. I had pretty much gotten over the first "crush" phase I have with people and realized that in order to maintain a friendship we had to do more than just read and eat together. We had to share and live our lives together. So to speak. Now we are good friends because we both realized that our relationship was worth working on and getting deeper.

2005-06-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

I was bored this morning and was looking at this weird guys site and decided to take a personality test. Argh!! I'm fairly predictable.

Your #1 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Your #2 Match: ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller
You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done.You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings.Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you.Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy.
You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

Your #3 Match: INFJ

The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #4 Match: INTJ

The Scientist
You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you.
You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer.

Your #5 Match: ESFJ

The Caregiver
You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.
You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Now that's interesting...

2005-06-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Throughout the year at Kairos we have been discussing groups both domestic and international that have been socially, economically or politically marginalized by their government or other governments. For the most part I think in hopes of raising awareness of what is actually going on in the world which sadly I feel most Americans are unaware of and also to see possible roles we can play in positively impacting these situations.

I read a really cool post by Donna about the role Amnesty International plays in raising awareness of human rights injustices around the globe. She points out that they have recently gotten some flack about their 2005 report because of some of their terminology which might have left something to be desired. But as she later stated maybe they could have had better word choice, but the fact of the matter is they are effective.

I guess this mainly jumped out at me because between talks at Kairos and Donna's post. I started realizing how insular my thinking about national/international injustices had become and how unaware I am of what is really happening in the world and thinking of ways I can effect change.

Ethnictoid(not quite black): I was riding in the car with my friend Christeen, who is german, yesterday and I was telling her a little anecdote from work that day about how this little boy and I were discussing how women of various ethnic groups express their displeasure in the younger generations. Then we moved on to stereotypes of groups in general and why they are the way they are. For example I was telling her that sometimes I feel that the large part of the black population can be excessively critical of other black people which I have mentioned in previous blactoids. This led to us talking about how I think most people feeling their ethnicity is part of their identity, but Christeen was saying that she feels that a lot of white people in this country don't. They just think of themselves as such and such who has these qualities. And speaking as a black person I know I feel like being black is very much so a part of my identity. I can only speak from my own perspective, but I could kinda see what she meant based on the conversations I've had with my friends of varying ethnicities. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Deserve...

2005-06-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

de·serve (d-zûrv) v. tr. To be worthy of; merit

"I deserve more than you can give me."

"I don't deserve to be treated this way!"

"You deserve a promotion after all the hard work you have done."

"I deserve to live without fear."

"I deserve a decent place to stay!"

"I deserve to be able to do whatever I want!"

"I deserve equal treatment and equal pay!"

"I deserve the right to live!"

"It sounded old. Deserve. Old, tired and beaten to death...he was always saying or thinking he didn't deserve some bad luck or some bad treatment from others...Apparently he thought he deserved only to be loved-from a distance, though-and given what he wanted....Maybe all he was really saying was: I am not responsible for your pain; share your happiness with me but not your unhappiness." -Milkman "Song of Solomon"

I think that sometimes it's easy to get confused between what we think we deserve and what we actually deserve. I've been reading Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison and as I near the end of it I watch the character Milkman and his views about how he thinks his life should be and what he deserves. Then I look at my life and think about what I THINK I deserve. In the things we truly deserve there is a truth and a rightness that can't be denied when it hasn't been attained. It's that same thing that keeps us trying. And then I realize where the real cause of my frustration comes from. It isn't from not getting what I actually deserve. It's about not getting the things I think I deserve. When I look deep into my reasons and my logic I realize how unjustified they are, how selfish they can be, and how they can consume my thoughts with their superficiality, I'm sometimes shocked. Then when I do get something I don't deserve how I can be sooo self-righteous, like it should have been mine in the first place completely missing the fact that is was a gift and unearned and unmeritted.

What do you deserve?

Tanika's Relationship Tip#11: Suprising the other person with thoughtfulness. In any relationship (friendship or romantic) sometimes it's easy to get bogged (*small chuckle* sorry Daniel) down with the mundane things of everyday life. That's why I think it's important to think about the little things that make the other person happy and when possible and within reason, surprising your significant other with small acts of kindness that bring joy to them and to you. Like opening the door to the UPS man and getting a package and not realizing it's for you because it isn't your birthday yet and it's not Christmas and opening and seeing one of your most favoritest things in the whole wide world inside. I guess it's really about thinking about the other person and not just focusing on what yourself and what you can get out of the relationship, but how you can appreciate the other person. Or instead of going to KFC and saying "I'm sure you'll find something you can eat." knowing they are a vegetarian you could try that new Vegan restaurant up the street (As long as it wouldn't annoy you or anything, and even if it does get over it). And whatever it is should be something that feels natural and comfortable to you as well otherwise it will seem like some sort of chore and it really isn't because it's you just trying to make some else feel better and at the same time nuture the relationship you have together.

Toodles for now and as always have a good day and enjoy.

Cowboy Troy and Other Atrocities

2005-06-03T16:28:00.000-07:00

The other day my friend Fred (change the name to protect the guilty) asked me if I had heard of this new guy on the scene Cowboy Troy. I guess he mixes hip-hop/rap with country music. Fred says "Hick-hop" will be the new craze. Somehow I doubt it. It's almost scary really. You should check out his "I play chicken with the train" video. It's so scary it's unreal. It's like this weird amalgamation of a typical black man's video and a country video (and yes there are midgets!)

Moving on, my good friend Brooke posted a wonderful entry that I absolutely loved and that leads me to something that has been pressing on my mind over the past couple of weeks as L.A. moves into another blazingly hot summer. As the temperatures rise people seek ways to "Beat the Heat". Whether it's losing the shirt for guys, or wearing skimpy clothes for the ladies, people will do anything to try to stay cool in this weather or enjoy it whatever the case may be, even if it isnt' socially acceptable.

As I have travelled to various parts of the city I have been accosted (visually at least) by many a faux pas as a result of people not knowing how to appropriately enjoy the weather. So here I have compiled yet again another list of LA do's and dont's (The Summer Edition) :

(Most important rule in my african american opinion)
Do: Get out there, go to the beach and get some sun wearing the appropriate level of spf. (Nothing wrong with that)

Don't: Walk around looking like THE red lobster after you told your worried african american friend a trite phrase like "I don't burn" or "All my burn turns to tan" We can't take it.

Do: (Ladies and Gents) Wear summer appropriate footwear that help keep you cool and (ladies) show off that cute pedicure.

Don't: Wear sandals or flip flops if your feet are so jacked up it looks like your toes are throwing gang signs. (exception old people with arthritis; and I'm gonna need a note)

Do: Wear clothes that are cool and comfortable for your SIZE and BODY type. (Hey just because you a little thick doesn't been you can't stay cool)

Don't: Wear belly shirts if you KNOW you shouldn't be, (goodness) walking around threatening indecent exposure charges. Or wear a spousal corrector (you know what I mean) tee-shirt if you weigh less than 100 pounds. Just not gonna work. And remember bermuda shorts and pedal pushers are making a comeback and for better or worse so are culottes (eww!)

That's all I have for now. Please feel free to contribute your personal opinions. And remember in LA fashion knows no temperature.

Tanika's Relationsship Tip #10: In keeping with atrocities I guess my tip should deal with that right? A friend of mine told me this past week that it's important to communicate with the person you are dating or married to. She is recently engaged and we were having a discussion about being open and communicating with your significant other. I told her that sometimes I don't feel like talking and that I would be better off with someone like me. But the truth is I don't like that about me. I want to be able to talk and share with the person that I will spend my life with. If I can't then how can I expect the relationship to work? It goes back to the tip I gave about being true to who you are. Because if you aren't then your whole relationship is built on a lie and ultimately won't work. Being open with the person I'm with is the only way they can truly get to know me and it's the only real way to stay true to myself and vice versa. My friend Daniel made a comment about marriage being the most intimate relationship two people can have. And in the hope that the relationship you are in is moving in that direction it makes sense that you want to nuture your relationship so that it will be strong and functioning. I always think when I meet the right person I'll be able to be open and honest and communicate freely with them, but the truth is that if I find that impossible to do now there is no way I will be able to to it when it really matters. The real atrocity would be to keep yourself hidden or closed off from the person that you are in a relationshipo with.

Shaw's take on things

2005-06-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I don't enjoy watching most of the shows that come on television these days, although there are some exceptions. None of them, however, are aired on the WB especially shows like Gilmore Girls or Beauty and the Geek. But Sunday I found myself watching the season finale of One Tree Hill (a good friend of mine watches it so...) Anyway I was watching the show and I don't know much about the characters but they had to write and end of the year paper about their opinion of a quote by George Bernard Shaw.

"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."

I sorta got stuck thinking about this quote and not really focusing on the show. (Sorry person who I was watching the show with). But I did keep a small eye on what various people were saying. One character referred to Shaw as a punk. Another said he didn't know what he was talking about. Most of them agreed with the first part of his statement. That a tragedy of life is to lose your heart' desire and they elaborated on what THAT really meant. But it seemed to be pretty uniform that it can't possibly be a tragedy to gain your heart's desire no matter what.

But as Anna pointed out in a comment to my last post. Sometimes what a heart desire's might not be the best thing for us. I'm currently reading Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison and one of the characters Hagar is in love with her cousin Milkman and has been dating him for the past 12 years. Suddenly Milkman realizes he doesn't want to be with her. She is tramatized by this and realizes that if she can't live in this world with Milkman then she would rather kill him than see him with anyone else. So once a month she stalks him and tries to kill him. But the truth of the matter is that throughout the course of there relationship Milkman has just been using her anyway. He doesn't love or care about her. So the irony of it all is that what she wants most in this world doesn't want her and is definitely not good for her.

I thought about this and realized that sometimes I can be a lot like Hagar. I'll get what I thought I always wanted, but in reality it will be tearing me apart inside and out. Then I will be devastated when I can't have it anymore when in reality I never should have had it in the first place. Feel free to share your thoughts on this subject.

Blactoid: A quote found before the beginning of Song of Solomon is "The fathers may soar and the children may know their names". This is one of my favorite quotes. Not just because it sounds good but because of it's deeper meaning. Morrison traces back to the flying myth of black men. She is referring to our forefathers who flew from slavery. A lot of blacks after slavery ended had to register themselves with the government. Most couldn't read or write. So a lot of family names were lost and they were forced to keep names given to them by slave owners. Some people felt this naming kept them further in bondage. I think that when they were able to name themselves and give identity to both themselves and their children it was a liberating experience and the children would be aware of where they came from.

Anyhoo as always have a good day and as always enjoy.

Unrealistic Expectations

2005-05-31T14:27:00.000-07:00

You know I've always thought of myself as someone who has realistic expectations in events and people. I try not to get my hopes up all high so I won't get disappointed. As a matter of fact I underexpect most of the time. Not sure if it's just a defense mechanism or a life of disappointing events and conditioning, but still...

And even being the realistic optimist I prefer to believe I am I feel crushed by the weight of my own desires and dreams unfulfilled. *sigh* Goodness this isn't very Tanika-esque is it. But anyway just wanted to vent for a bit before I head off to work. Everyone have a good day as always and enjoy.

Maybe she should be writing the tips...

2005-05-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

I just read a really wonderful post by my friend Anna that you should check out. In it she touches on some extremely superficial and trivial things that people focus on when trying to date someone else. As a person who has encountered these things I agree wholeheartedly with her. I have definitely had some guys let me know that because of my race or my religion we couldn't date. And I realized that if they really wanted to be with me then that wouldn't matter and that they cleary weren't and waiting for them to change their mind is a pointless exercise.

Because I have been interested in and dated guys of various ethnicities and religions a major area of stress for me can be whether or not he is going to me like no sorry Tanika I don't date black girls. Then I realize that if that is how they are I really shouldn't be getting hung up over them because they aren't who I want anyway, but in the beginning it's hard to be like because I'm already and emotional wreck and I shouldn't have to stress out about that as well as everything else.

This weekend I've been hanging out with some friends visiting from out of town, Lauren and Becca. And I was telling them that for some reason I get hit on a lot by Armenian and Russian guys. Which is totally fine by me. As long as they aren't pervs or anything. Well I was telling them about a couple of Armenian guys I know who only date black women. I told them that unfortunately these guys aren't going to marry these girls because it just isn't acceptable in their families. Basically they are going to marry Armenian women because it is what is expected. I feel like that is just as bad as saying hey I refuse to date someone if they aren't this race or that religion. Anyway just wanted to give my two cents on the subject, but Anna does it better.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

It's a Celebration...

2005-05-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

That's right! Today actaully about 26 years and 2 hours ago technically because I was born in chicago, the world was graced with my presence for the first time. But that's ok becuase, "It's a Celebration..." -Dave Chappelle as Rick James (this link is PG-13 please look at it with extreme caution).

I wanted to write something witty and funny on my birthday, but I can't think of anything. Generally speaking whenever I'm trying to be serious everyone thinks I'm being funny, but when I'm trying to be funny no one ever gets it. I think it's because what I think is funny and what other people think is funny only coincide 1/3 of the time. But anyway happy birthday to all the people out there with the fortune to celebrate this wonderful day with me.

Btw-the Chappelle Show Season 2 comes out on DVD tomorrow and it wouldn't go amiss as a birthday gift. Just thought I'd toss that out there.

I had a really good weekend. I saw Crash on Saturday(loved it!) and I will be writing a review just not today. Later that evening I had a dessert party I think Lisa took pictures. Then yesterday I went to Beni Hana's with my friend and we ate until you had to roll us out of there. Then I got my first taste of mild publicity in LA. I was on channel 4 news (local nbc) commenting on the how hot it was as I roasted in the Valley. All in all a very cool weekend. Left me with the exhaustion, but that was ok. Today it's back to work as usual with a few special treats here and there.

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

A Taboo Topic (for me anyway)

2005-05-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

I was contemplating the mystery that is Tanika these past two days concerning a particular area of my life. And I realized a few (good/bad) things about myself. (Besides the things that are glaringly obvious)

I live with my good friends the Raceks and they have 3 cool kids Dawson, Katie, and B. Will. I also work with children at the Mathnasium and also as a private tutor. Needless to say I spend about 90% of my time with children. Besides being incredibly interesting and fun to be around children ,in general, are physically affectionate. And they definately don't understand physical boundaries or personal space.

For those of you who know me this is a particularly sensitive subject because I'm not a touchy, feely person. There are reasons for this, which I will discuss here briefly. First, when I was younger I had my personal space physically violated by someone else and I had no control over this, which both angered me, frustrated me, and ultimately left me not wanting a lot of personal contact. Then in some of my earlier attempts to physically reach out to people (of the opposite sex) I again had a violation of that space. As I got older I realized that I really needed to trust a person to be physically close to them (regardless of their sex). But alas trust is an area of life that doesn't come easy to me. Then when I would try to explain myself to people some would think I was joking and overstep boundaries I had, which basically traumatized me.

But children don't understand all that, nor do I expect them to. I also feel that it is important for children to be able to express themselves emotionally since it is very difficult for them to do it verbally. So over the course of these past few months I've been getting a lot of hugs, kisses, and general affection , from children and sometimes adults, which at first seemed overwhelming, but now I'm getting used to and I also realized that in some cases I actually enjoy. Yes, there I said it. I enjoy SOME hugs. I realized that kids just like adults have reasons for expressing affection. When they like someonesometimes they want to give you a hug, or a kiss on the cheek. Maybe even play with your hair. But sometimes they want to manipulate you emotionally so they can get something they want. I found this out mostly at the mathnasium with older children. They would give me hugs and wanna hang all over me (which I don't let them do. Mathnasium policy) then turn around and say "Hey can I get a dollar?"

I guess ultimately I feel uncomfortable with physical affection from people who either clearly are self motivated and don't have my best interests at heart, are trying manipulate me, or have unclear motives for why they are being that way (or I just don't trust them). But I realized that when a person just genuinely likes me and wants to physically express it then I actually want to return that affection. Now don't get me wrong I still need time to get used to it, but before everyone was just lumped together in my mind and I just didn't want anyone to touch me at all. I mostly just tolerated it.

But the irony of it all is that somewhere in the back of my mind I'm doubting that a person atually has genuine affection for me, which is why I get all weirded out in the first place. How's that for a twisted thread? Anyway just wanted to share.

As always have a good day and enjoy.

Confessions...

2005-05-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

I have a confession I feel compelled to make, but I don't want too many people know what I did unless they really want to know.

Recemment, j'ai trouve que je peux voir le IP address, recherche, et reference de la page de les gens qui visitent mon blog. Depuis lors, je suis hante avec trouver qui visiter mon blog. Hier soir, j'etais eveiller jusque a 11:30 recherche l'internet pour les gens. Recherche blogs et homepages. Bien sur, il est tres pathetique. Peut etre, je suis un blog stalker. Je ne sais pas. J'ai besoin d'aide.

Comme toujours ayez une bonne journee et appreciez.

Tanika's Relationship Tip #9

2005-05-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

Back by popular demand (i.e. one person asked what happened to my relationship tips), here is my next hot relationship tip (sarcasm). Pretty simple, pretty basic.

In a place like the United States where individualism is highly regarded you would THINK that this wouldn't be a problem, but upon closer inspection and reflection I have noticed this to be the case for a number of couples. Closely tied to my previous tip, #9 is not trying to change who you are, your personality or behavior, into something that isn't true to your beliefs or values in order to have or continue a romantic relationship. (or friendship)

Now don't get me wrong there are a few things I'm not trying to say here. First I'm not saying that if you are in a relationship with someone and you don't see "eye to eye" on a subject that you shouldn't work out something that is mutually beneficial because ideally that is what you want to do. I'm also not saying that if you realize that you and your partner don't have the same goals in life everything is automatically over. But if you aren't dating that person yet then maybe you should take some time to be friends with them get to know them a little better and then see if that person really is the right one for you. Or if you are already in a relationship maybe it would be a good time for you to reassess your priorities, because maybe it isn't as much of an issue as it once was. I'm also not saying you should be so strong and stubborn that if something is important to you that you should cling to it so tightly that you might ruin a wonderful relationship, but try to keep proper perspective on what is important to both you and your partner. Now after all that what AM I saying....

I'm saying that if you change who you represent yourself to be from what you are essentially, trying to be someone you aren't so that people will be interested in you, then it's only a matter of time until the real you, the regular old you starts slipping through the cracks. Shocking and sometimes traumatizing the person you are interested in. I guess I see a lot of people who try to make a better NEW and IMPROVED version of themselves that they present to other people because they feel that who they really are isn't good enough to love or be appreciated. Or maybe the way they desire to be loved and appreciated. I admit that my "interests" have varied depending on who I was interested in. But it was only a matter of time before I had to admit that Backgammon really isn't that interesting to me. I only like getting dressed up once in a while, not acting like I have an endless supply of "cute" clothes (which in actual fact I borrow from my friends). And although I enjoy dancing, I hate clubbing. I really enjoy having a glass of wine or a cocktail, but I really can't stand getting drunk out of my mind to "have a good time". But these are all things that I have done (except the backgammon) in order to try and maintain a relationship, but ultimately Tanika came back up and was like this isn't me and I'm not happy.

But let's get real. Most of us want to change those character flaws we THINK other people see in us in hopes that it will make us more likeable. Just recently a guy friend of mine asked me to be honest with him and tell him what things about him are undesirable characteristics. I guess he wanted to work on them or something. And in all honesty I couldn't tell him because I like him the way he is, as a matter of fact the more I learn about him the more his estimation goes up in MY eyes. (THAT'S RIGHT I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS SO THERE! And no this isn't an internet proposition.) Maybe he is a little rough around the edges, but after hanging out with some girlfriends a couple of weeks ago I found out just like me, they like guys who are rough around the edges, you know not quite smooth. To that guy I say, "Hey you're ok with me don't change a thing, and quit trippin'." But I'm not every girl and neither are my friends so you should probably ask the girl your interested in. And for the record all the guys I have liked have been rough around the edges. It was the quirky bits that made me more interested in them. I would like to state for the record that there isn't anything wrong with trying to make yourself a better person, but check your reasons because if they are really superficial it will get to you after a while. It's a difficult process figuring out who you are and your identity and what is important to you and what actually makes you happy. Don't throw that out the window for something that probably won't last anyway because it's based on the lie that you are someone you really aren't.

I hope this tip was helpful. Like I always say this is not a formula or something we always need to take each relationship as the individual thing it is and try to figure out what is best for your and your partner. As always have a good day and enjoy.

Hate it or Love it

2005-05-14T16:13:00.000-07:00

Ugh!!!...the bad music monster strikes again. Like most of you out there I'm sure you have songs that you can't stand, but for some reason those are the songs you know all the lyrics to. As a connoisseur of fine music I like to believe that I enjoy music because it's creative or original or has some redeeming quality besides the fact that it's popular. Then another catchy song comes along and knocks me off my high horse.

Like a year or so ago Twista, Kanye, and Jamie Foxx got me with "Slow Jamz" It wasn't because of the sample from a song I like, or the catchy hook. It was that line that goes, "She gotta light skinned friend look like Micheal Jackson, She gotta dark skinned friend look like Micheal Jackson". Torturers! Then Li'l Jon got me twice with that stupid "Get Low" song which is absolutely horrible, but "From the window to the wall!" got me. I guess I can't blame him from getting me with Usher and Ludacris because Usher does have talent so I'll excuse "Yeah" and "Lovers and Friends".

But the most recent catastrophe involves 50 Cent who I vowed I would never deliberately listen to. I was over at a friends place a couple of weeks ago and one of the guys brought the new "The Game" cd and played it for us. The song is by The Game featuring 50 Cent. And the way 50 cent mumbles in the chorus you sit there trying to figure out what he said, "Mmmm mmm hmmmm mmm mmm hmmm on top, mmmm hmmmm mmmmm heart stop" I mean it was torture. Then I was listening to Yahoo music launch and it came again and of course I listened to it a couple of times going what is he saying. Unfortunately by the time I realized I could just look up the lyrics it was too late. Hate it or Love it. (check out the video see if you love it or hate it)

Have a good day and as always enjoy.

Vegas Stories and Some Pictures...

2005-05-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

O.k. on to Vegas post #2. I posted some pictures on my other site (graciously provided by Mimi). So if you want to see some wild crazy fun check it out (sarcasm).

Now I would like to share with you some of my favorite Vegas Stories / Moments:

The Bus:
Now as most of you know I don't have a car so I bus it a lot. And I have a policy that if the bus goes there then so do I, but I do have limits. Apparently Vegas isn't one of them. Although there were several alternatives I made my way (slowly) to Vegas on the Greyhound bus. It gave me a good opportunity to really get to know my bus neighbor. Then once I got there I took Las Vegas Transportation to meet my friends at the hotel. I'm also proud to say we used public transportation the entire time to make trips up and down the strip easier. I mean get real, I wasn't trying to use up all my energy trying to get from the Luxor to the Sahara.

Fendi Story:
If you've read any comments you might have seen some references to the Fendi story. Well much like L.A. Vegas has a lot of upscale stories like Prada or D&G and of course that includes Fendi. Well one night a couple of the girls went into the Fendi store to have a look around, but Mimi who had been having some problems with her knee wanted to sit down and rest for a bit. She noticed a couch across the room, but KCK pointed out that there was a couch on the side of the room near them. Mimi looks, but doesn't see the couch. KCK keeps pointing and saying it's right there. Mimi looks closely still not seeing the couch. That's when KCK notices her own reflection in the mirror. She realized that she was actually looking in a mirror and the couch she was pointing to was the one on the other side of the room. (I'm wiping a tear from my eye as I speak).

"We're happy not drunk!":
As you know Vegas is the city that never sleeps so we decided to take after that tradition and pull an all nighter Vegas Style. So 3 of us were in the casino at maybe 3 or 4 in the morning can't remember. For those of you who don't know, Vegas is the home of the cheap cocktail and in the case of casinos drinks are actually free. A cocktail waitress comes around and offers you drinks. The only deal is you're supposed to tip her. The trick is to get you drunk and keep you gambling and while you are drunk and on a winning streak you tip better. And usually people who are loud and rowdy and laughing are on a winning streak. Well Mimi, KCK, and I were on a HUGE losing streak, but it finally got to us how funny it was and we were trying to switch the money from machine to machine I barely remember why we were, but we were laughing and gambling and generally being loud and rowdy like we were drunk and on a winning streak when actually we hadn't been drinking and had pretty much lost all the money. The waitress comes up and says "Cocktail?" we all calm down instantly say "No" in a normal voice. She looks at us, makes a funny face, and walks away. And we burst out laughing again and continue to laugh and gamble. See you can have fun in Vegas without drinking and winning. You just have to be all tweaked out at 3 am.

Sorry if you wanted some really scandizzle moments, but as you know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas so I can't share those. I will however delicately hint upon request.

Cool Moments:
-The woman who was trying to look cute "jogging" up and down the strip in Las Vegas heat.
-All of us needing to sit down in every store we came to because we needed to rest our weary bones every 15 minutes.
-Trying to spend food comp money at 4 am buying iced tea, ice cream, and hot cocoa (sorry Mimi I meant chocolate)
-Mimi trying to convince herself to go to the top of the Stratosphere, even though she was terrified.
-Dancing at Ethel M's to get free chocolate samples.
-Mimi's reaction to seeing a living statue for the first time (you know the ones who are at 3rd street)
-The girls trying to figure out the movement of our center of gravity in the inclinator.
-Getting hit on by Armenian guys
-Any other girl getting hit on by a guy and then blowing him off.
-Mimi getting pulled on stage at the Blue Man Group show.
-The girls realizing that our recovery time had definitely lengthened since college.
-Hating on people as we people watched.
-Anna turning into a photography expert a Cesar's Palace (You were pretty good too)
-Anna being hopped up on Nyquil the entire trip
-KCK making those KCK comments that everyone loves.
-Pemma just being crazy and silly
-Laughing at the guy who couldn't get into the Wynn because he didn't have sleeves.

O Danny Boy

2005-05-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

My friend Daniel recently posted a story about a bust they did on a meth lab near his apartment. Now of course with all the tweakers in L.A. that doesn't seem all that strange. I mean who doesn't live near a meth lab? (jk) but seriously in the wilds of Virginia Beach were he lives it was scandizzle.

My favorite part is that he got interviewed for his reaction to what happened. You should check out the clip. (Especially if you are curious about what he looks and sound like; Sorry to put your gov't business in the streets like that Daniel, but since you won't visit CA this is the only way my friends will get to see you)

Vegasisms the Quotes...

2005-05-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm back from my wild trip to Vegas. I spent a lot of time wondering if I would actually write anything about the trip. I mean who really wants to know the kinds of things that went on in Vegas ? But to appease myself I have decided to do 3 Vegas posts. Why three you ask. Well as I learned from School House Rock, "3 is a magic number." This post is devoted to some crazy quotes/conversations. I'll be more than happy to explain the situations upon request. (Sorry Lauren I know that I usually have 2 fold things) I would also like to say I had the best time with my friends. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I think I lost about 50 lbs. from all the laughing and walking we did. Too bad I gained 60 from all the eating.

Quotes:
-"You remind me of a drunk Japanese man!"

-"Oooooh, Jon Secada's here!" another along those lines "I didn't know Engelbert Humperdinck was here."

-"Hello housekeeping, yeah this is room 14256, we have a solid waste problem in the bathroom...yeah it's plugged up!"

-"If you dance, I'll give you some chocalate" everyone immediately starts dancing.

-"It's ok we're in vegas!" and "But what is the VEGAS time?"

-"I'm gonna drink some Nyquil to help me stay awake."

-"Go outside at night?!? Are you crazy? We're in Vegas!"

and three of my favorite conversations

Me: So where are you goin' tonight?
F: To the R-A.
Me:The R-A. You mean like the resident advisor in a dorm?
F:That's just what the club name is called.
Me: Wait a minute you're staying at the Luxor right?
F: Yeah.
Me:Do you mean Ra as in the Egyptian sun god?
F: Oh Ra! (to everyone else) Hey you guys the club is named Ra.

at 4 a.m. at the Pyramid Cafe: (remember it's 4 am and I've been awake all night)
B:What is the difference between a shake and a malt?
R: A Malt has malt powder in it.
Me:No it doesn't it has this stuff in it. (Making weird "powdery" hand gesture but continuing)
You know that stuff. What's it called? You know that powdery stuff.
R: You mean malt powder?
Me: Yeah malt powder that's it!

In the elevator going to our room at 3 a.m. 2 drunk guys and an older couple. Older couple clearly uncomfortable. (I blanked out the word for sensitive eyes. I'll tell upon request.)
Drunk guys talking: Yeah man we are going to see some ______ at 9 o'clock in the morning.
Drunk guy on phone: Make sure you are ready to go because at 9 we are going to see ______
Other drunk guy: (To me) We are going to see ______ in the morning. (I nod my head) Do you wanna see _____?
Me: (Contemplating a sarcastic comment) No thanks.
(My friends and I are trying to discretely laugh, but I wasn't as successful)
Drunk guys continue inane conversation about _______.
Drunk guy on the phone: Hey where is Mark? We have to make sure Mark knows what is going on.
Other drunk guy: (To me) Do you know Mark?
Me: No.
Drunk guy on the phone to other girls: Do you know where Mark is?
Girls: No.
Other drunk guy: Why are you lying to us?
Drunk guy on the phone: (to person on the phone)They are lying, they say they don't know who Mark is.
I burst out laughing at this point.
On the point of leaving the elevator the other drunk guy turns back and say "9 o'clock _____!"

We laughed so hard about that one. Drunk people are crazy. Anyway that's it for now. Hopefully be able to show you some pictures. We'll see I didn't take any so I must depend on the kindness of my friends. As always have a good day and enjoy.